CM Punk set for another big push, probably wants big rubber action figures instead

cm punk maria

Pound pound pound

According to WrestleZone.com (a site which, I admit, I visit about once every 30 years and 11 months), WWE is preparing to push CM Punk to the moon. I mean, a WrestleMania main event would be ideal, but the moon is OK, too.

The company wants to find ways to capitalize on the CM Punk popularity. Talk of WWE Studos looking for projects for him also a possibility of a CM Punk book because the WWE has decreased the amount of books they have put out recently. More CM Punk merchandise is expected along with a big part of WWE’s plan in 2012. CM Punk will be heavily featured in pay-per-views and all WWE programming.

Punk is pretty much the No. 2 merchandise seller right now behind John Cena, which goes to show, if you make decent looking merch that doesn’t have childish images referring to “chick magnet” or throwing a “killswitch,” you might sell a T-shirt or two. Based on past Tweets, Punk would probably jump at the chance to act in movies, but his book would likely be a graphic novel instead of a seedy tell-all (and given the amount of locker-room vag he’s pounded, he’s got plenty to tell). Giving him more time on TV and pay-per-view makes perfect sense, until you consider that his logical opponent right now is the charisma-less Alberto del Rio, which is analogous to having 1997 Stone Cold Steve Austin wrestle Rockabilly. So while WWE’s intentions are good (assuming this WrestleZone Web site knows its ass from a hole in the ground), they still have other ducks to place in their appropriate rows. -Eric

MVP “Holla to the World” features skanks, cars, white T-shirts, soulless beats

Former WWE superstar MVP (follow him on Twitter at @The305MVP) released a song and a video titled “Holla at the World” where the pro wrestler presumably hollas at the world. How does he do it, you ask? Well, with the help of three skanks walking under a bridge in a desolate part of town (0:17); with the help of a punk-rock white-chick bartender serving drinks to billiards-shooting bikini broads (1:24); with the help of a guy who looks like if Kanye West spent a night on the town with Matt Hardy bouncing from Cracker Barrel to Cracker Barrel (1:51); and with the help of the barely employed Carlito (3:27; yeah, hanging out with your ratty friend who only has a job thanks to his dad will help you get the women).

I don’t know who produced the beats for this song, but they sound like they were purchased from some stock bin and were made in Fruity Loops or Garage Band by a rich white kid with nothing else better to do. MVP also makes the rookie MC mistake of trying to squeeze too many god damn words into one song, like this is the only chance he’ll ever have to share the contents of his diary journal notebook rhyme collection with us. “Love the models in HOTTUBS WAIT I HAVE MORE WORDS TO SPIT OUT!” Calm down, Veep, I’m sure you’ll release another video (that you record in front of a green screen in the mall) whether we want you to or not. -Eric

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