I’m running on five hours of sleep. It took me a bit longer to get back to Columbus than I would have liked. Mostly my fault so I don’t have anyone to blame but the guy behind the lap top. Oh well, that should make this review a bit more interesting than normal. Let’s roll.
I must have been the guy setting up the pyro rig. Time to FF already. I’m glad I tape this puppy already. CM Punk comes out and gets mostly cheers until he grabs a mic. He talks about Lawler’s closing words. Punk does a fantastic job explaining himself and why he attacked the Rock. The Big Show comes out to stick his big nose into the business. Lawler is flabbergasted. Why? Explain yourself. I tune out Show because even with his renewed push, he’s a joke. He may have finally had a Wrestlemania moment but it’s been all down hill since then. The heel turn may have put a little spice on his resume going heel but that is about it. John Cena attacks Big Show who dumps out of the ring. AJ Lee then comes out in a mini-Stephanie McMahon woman’s power outfit. Winner of Show vs Cena gets Punk at Summerslam. Wait, did a GM just make a match and leave? Should I have hope? Not yet.
Daniel Bryan goes to the GM door and walks away. Santino Marella comes to the ring. I FF thru Alberto Del Rio‘s entrance. I guess they couldn’t find an expensive car in Cincy. What, you’re expecting a joke out of me? Too many to chose from. Why are these two guys getting a commercial break match? Del Rio slaps on the arm bar shortly after the break. The match should have ended before the break. Del Rio isn’t competing because everyone is beneath him. Thank you WWE for doing something right. Bryan is still waiting at the door.
I FF thru the Funkasaurus‘s entrance. I do listen to Vickie Guerrero. The dance is terrible, not in a good way. Damien Sandow interrupts because someone who isn’t over needs more screen time. I do like Sandow’s offense except for his weak ass finisher. We get a long camera shot of him because the WWE has no idea what to do with three hours of TV. They review Dolph Ziggler vs Chris Jericho.
Bryan finally goes into AJ‘s office. He starts to run her down then she stops him in his tracks. She is the only person to re-watch Raw. AJ gives him a clean slate by booking a match with Sheamus for him. More review of HHH & Brock Lesnar because the WWE has no idea what to do with three hours. Sheamus is fine with whatever stipulations versus Bryan, as he should be. Bryan is starting his de-push.
The match ends up being a street fight. They didn’t give the fans much time to vote. Whatever. Lawler, I’m begging you to help us understand why Punk turned his back on the WWE universe. Just back up your opinion and I’ll be fine with it. I haven’t been able to sign into Twitter for some reason. Not so bad when I’m still 50 minutes behind. How is that possible with all of this filler. Sheamus hurts his ankle after falling three foot onto his back. Solid match at the break. A little more meat to keep us hooked.
Bryan is in control after the break. Sheamus takes over on the outside. Bryan tosses the toys outside the ring. It was a smart move. Bryan takes over with the kendo stick. Sheamus does a nice job of kicking the chair out of the ring. The woman is raging against Bryan’s beard. I like the mountain goat look. It’s a fun see saw match. Brogue Kick for the win. At least one good match for the night.
Bryan isn’t leaving the ring because he hurt his neck. He’s such a whiny bitch that it’s hilarious. Kofi Kingston comes out with a suited up R Truth. Weird. Kofi gets the mic for the first time in ages. Bryan starts talking to Lil’ Jimmy. Truth comforts him on the outside of the ring. I agree with my woman. This segment is retarded. Lil’ Jimmy has lasted too long. The largest of the orderlies is Matt Mason from PRIME Wrestling. They escort him from ring side.
Lil’ Jimmy gets put on a chair near the announcers. AW introduces the Prime Time Players. Titus O’Neil is taking on Kofi. AW distracts Kofi so that O’Neil can hit the Sky High for the win. They need a single’s win. Still been a terrible build for the PTP. CM Punk talks to John Cena. Punk doesn’t care who wins their match. Awesome speech. Cena with a great reaction. He was smart enough to shut up too.
Heath Slater gets the mic again. He wants to get back on track with a win over someone on the current roster. Randy Orton answers. He looks a bit smaller but not much. The ladies, including the one to my right, are loving it. RKO. Shock. Nice of them to jam in all of his signature wins. Daniel Bryan is talking to the psychologist. He keeps yelling “Yes”.
I buzz thru the intros for Christian & Chris Jericho vs The Miz & Dolph Ziggler. Are we just seeing the younger versions of the older men? Will the Miz & Ziggler not really crack that glass ceiling? Christian and Ziggler start off. As with most matches, nothing happens before the break. Christian gets the hot tag. Should I start calling that the luke warm tag since the second baby face gets a beat down eventually too? It seems like both faces have to sell these days. The Miz being put in the Walls almost gave me a heart attack. No reason for him to lose ye unless he gets some help. Christian does the dirty work and Jericho gets the pin. We get Rorschach tests from Daniel Bryan. Of course the pictures look like a goat face combined. Charlie Sheen gets name dropped in the skit.
Tensai doesn’t get an entrance but Tyson Kidd does. I have to explain why Kidd is great to the woman. Kidd pulls off a block buster but only gets two. Tensai Bomb for the win. Tensai beats him up after the bell. The ref reverses the decision. Sakamoto is afraid to come over to Tensai. Another beat down. Has the WWE not learned that we don’t have any reason to care about Sakamoto? Daniel Bryan gets his final evaluation and a clean bill of health. Kane attacks him in red mood lighting. Sexy.
As much as I like CM Punk in the announce booth, I FF until both Big Show and John Cena are in the ring. If Lawler is defending his POV, I’m not paying attention while explaining the Burning River in Cleveland and a Frank Lloyd Wright house in Dayton, possibly. The woman wonders why Cena tries for the slam and fails. She’s got a point. Cena should know when he has the strength. The choke slam counter into the DDT is getting a bit too common. Big Show with the cocky cover after the choke slam only gets a two count. “Three hours and still going strong” Mitchell Cool sums up the WWE’s ego problem. Just because you show gobs of replays doesn’t mean you’re putting out quality. Or that your program is good because it’s three hours long. Cena survives getting tossed into Punk, who will of course interfere so that it’ll be a three way dance at Summerslam. Right on que. Punk grabs the mic again. Punk selling the arm injury. Holy crap, they ended on time. -Kevin
Filed under: Kevin's Blog, TV Recaps, WWE News Tagged: | Abraham Washington, Alberto Del Rio, Brodus Clay, Chris Jericho, Christian, CM Punk, Damien Sandow, Daniel Bryan, Darren Young, Dolph Ziggler, Dwayne Johnson, Heath Slater, Kane, Kofi Kingston, R Truth, Ricardo Rodriguez, Santino Marella, Tensai, The Big Show, The Funkasaurus, The Miz, The Rock, Titus O'Neil, Tyson Kidd, Vickie Guerrero