So Jeremy pussed out since we drank too much last night and stayed up way too late trying to review that piece of garbage pay per view Sacrifice by TNA. I ended up watching the majority of the ROH show by myself and figured I’d throw in my two cents since I normally don’t watch the product because my broke ass can’t afford an HD TV so there is no reason whatsoever to have HD Net.
Jeremy did stay up long enough to watch Rhett Titus & Kenny King defeat the House of Truth (Josh Raymond & Christian Able). I had no idea who any of these clowns were except Titus and that’s only by name. I can’t really rate the match because we maybe saw the last two minutes. It did strike me though that the announcers are terrible, especially the old guy Mike Hogewood. I may sound like a homer but I’d take Joe Dombrowski & Aaron Maguire over these two jokes (Dave Prazak being the other). Neither of them have any passion. They sound like they’re reading off of Mike Tenay’s script.
Next they showed a replay of a Pick Six Battle Royal in which the announcers said they’d show you as much action as possible. There’s only six of them. Your cameras should catch everything you dummies. Next they showed a replay of Austin Aries, who won the battle royal, clearly kicking Delirious in the chest but they claimed it was his throat. Aries at least capped off the beating by hitting Daizee Haze and dropping an elbow on Delirious (who is still doing the same worn out gimmick when the bell rings) while his neck was on the steel ring barricade. They showed too much meaningless action from the Battle Royal then showed another replay right after it. Hey Corny, work on some more material so you’re not showing replays back to back. You only have an hour of TV a week.
Jeremy went to bed as I realized much to my horror that Claudio Castagnoli’s finisher, executed on Andy Ridge, is an airplane spin. Way to keep up with the times ROH. It was “great” to see Chris Hero is still a useless puppet.
Jim Cornette said that last week’s match for the TV Title was the best match anyone may see on TV this year so they are going to show the end of it for those of us who missed. Fucking seriously, another replay? One lousy hour a week and you’re on your third replay? I’m not sure why I had the courage to continue.
The match was between Davey Richards and Eddie Edwards. Within the first minute of the replay, Richards missed a kick by a good two foot thus nullifying Cornette’s praising of the match. Two other moves were botched badly later thus cementing my opinion. Christian versus Edge was better on Raw. Overall, it was a good match though with Richards working over Edwards’ left arm and Edwards working over Richards’ left leg. Too bad he submitted to a single leg Boston Grab that was called some type of Achilles hold. Richards is a pussy for submitting to that lame ass move.
Kyle Durden interviewed Colt Cabana about his match against Eddie Edwards next week for the TV Title. Colt was OK but that made me think that the WWE was right in not holding on to him. He’s a big fish in a small pond that doesn’t work in the larger pond.
They showed highlights (seriously, fourth time!) from Tyler Black versus Roderick Strong. Strong was on camera with Cornette and Durden and claimed that he was being screwed by everyone in ROH including management. Cornette said what I thought was “Ronnie” needed to calm down and he wasn’t trying to screw him. Aries came in and offered Strong assistance to get him back up to number two in the company but Strong slapped him.
The Art of Wrestling aired with Colt and the Briscoe Brothers demonstrating the “Art of Beer Chugging”. Colt ended up cheating by using root beer so the Briscoes got silly on him by gingerly hitting him with their shoes. So now Colt isn’t just a gimmick stealer, his segment sucked a big fat one. Thanks for ruining my column’s name. You are a very nice guy though Colt!
They recapped (#5!) the Strong/Aries/Cornette segment then went into the main event which was Kevin Steen versus Roderick Strong, who was jumped by Aries before the match. At this time, I realized that Roderick has been nicknamed “Roddie”. Yuck. While Steen offered to let Strong out of the match because of the beat down, I noticed a number of things. Steen has gotten fatter. He also has an awful beard. Worst of all, he’s got some serious stretch marks under his arms. I didn’t appreciate HD right then. Strong decided to go on with the match but got beat on by Steen, who is still a good wrestler. Steen again offered to let Strong who spit in Steen’s face. Strong got beat down even more. Steen offered to let Strong go a third time but he declined again. Steen lolly gagged at some point which allowed Strong to give him a small package for the win. Steen locked on a cross face after the match and Black came out to make the late save. Strong didn’t appreciate the help so Black left in a huff.
At this point, they had six (6) minutes of time left so they naturally went to commercials fro HD Net. So not only did they aired five separate segments of replays, ROH left at least three additional minutes of programming on the table. I’m allowing that maybe another commercial break was due so they just tacked it on to the end which blows for HD Net in my book. Great planning by ROH though to come up with this little fresh programming.
Even if my broke ass does get enough money to get an HD TV, ROH did nothing to give me an incentive to want to get HD Net. Enjoy third place boys. – Kevin