"Well, mon, at leest dis gurl likes me, yah."

As a ticket-holding ticket-holder for WrestleMania XXVII (well, as soon as I pay Jeremy, anyway), I’m concerned with the somewhat-thin WWE roster leading up to the company’s biggest annual event. Do I think I’ll see an entertaining show? Absolutely. Do I think it’ll be one of the most star-studded WrestleManias of all time? God, no. With the threat of injuries that might not completely heal and potential special guests who might not be able to appear, I’m left wondering who’ll show up, what those people will do, and who WWE will try to dig out of the woodwork to make this year’s WrestleMania feel as special as the rest (except WMXI).

With that, I want to take a look at the top 20 WWE wrestlers who will make the most impact at WrestleMania (in part to show how sad the lower half of this list is), and suggest five acts that would help boost the perception of 2011’s showcase of the “immortals.”

Babyfaces:

1) John Cena. WrestleMania tickets would sell out without Cena on the card, but that’s because tickets go on sale so far in advance of the show. However, a modern-day WrestleMania without John Cena wouldn’t draw more than 600,000 pay-per-view buys. Watch that hip, Cena!

2) Randy Orton. He’s the second-most wildly over babyface on the roster, and he’s in the title mix. Having Orton at WrestleMania is an absolute necessity.

3) Undertaker. Over the past 4-5 years, Undertaker’s win streak has arguably been WrestleMania’s biggest draw. Without the threat of that streak ending, WrestleMania loses a major, major point of interest.

4) Triple H. He’s been gone long enough where his return will feel special. And he’s such a respected veteran that his presence is practically required at this show, given the lack of grizzled old-timers on WWE’s roster. Pardon the strange analogy, but Hunter is to WrestleMania now what Andre the Giant was 20 years ago: a special attraction.

5) Edge. The World Heavyweight Champion is No. 5 on my list, but that shows the lack of importance of that belt on this year’s show. We’re all so worried about Miz entering WrestleMania with the WWE Title that anyone could hold Smackdown’s big belt and no red flags would rise. But Edge is another veteran (is it just me, or does he still not really feel like one?) who must be counted on to put on a fine match at WM27.

6) Big Show. You’d think Big Show-to-Andre the Giant would be the more appropriate analogy here, but I like the idea of Triple H-as-spectacle (and let him fade away) and Big Show in a real feud here. That said, his mini-feud with Floyd Mayweather was a big draw for WM24, and I could see WWE digging up someone special for Show to face this year.

7) Rey Mysterio. WWE will already have burned through Rey’s feud with Alberto del Rio by this point, and without the proper build of a potentially awesome opponent like Tyson Kidd or the recently released Kaval, I don’t know who he’d wrestle that would set the world en fuego.

8 ) John Morrison. Obviously WWE is behind this guy, and the crowd reaction for him continues to grow. I think his station in life is perennial Money in the Bank challenger, especially this year, but we’ll see if he’s ready for a singles match come WM28.

9) Daniel Bryan. Yep, the Internet darling and the United States Champion is the ninth most important babyface to include at WrestleMania 27. Sad. He’ll probably end up refereeing a pillow fight with the Bella Twins and LayCool. For some reason, I just don’t see WWE giving him a singles victory at their biggest show. Not yet, anyway.

10) Evan Bourne. I’m ready for him to come back and wow me in the Money in the Bank match. Get well, Evan!!

Heels:

1) The Miz. The WWE Champion truly is the top heel in WWE right now and carries the company in both promos, in-ring work and personal and media appearances. Can you put him on a poster with John Cena as the main event of WrestleMania and expect 1 million pay-per-view buys? No.

2) CM Punk. See Miz, the, except Punk isn’t a titleholder. Definitely the second-most important heel in the company, as is evident by the humongous push and copious TV time he’s been given in the past six months. An awesome promo, a great worker, not much for personal appearances as a heel (especially with the Jesus gimmick), but totally not a poster boy for WrestleMania.

3) Sheamus. I only put Sheamus, the losingest king in ages, this high on the list because he’s most likely to wrestle the golden boy, Triple H, this year. If not for his good buddy Hunter needing an obvious WM match after his yearlong layoff, I’d put Sheamus, who can’t buy a storyline break these days, below the next two.

4) Kane. Finally, the veteran presence on the heel side, and that’s the only reason I place him above the next guy on the list.

5) Alberto del Rio. Other than Ricardo’s singing skit this past week on Monday Night Raw, I am a huge mark for this whole gimmick. He’s a great upper midcarder right now with “star” written all over him. But JBL never headlined WrestleMania, and there’s only a slim chance Alberto will in the next year or so.

6) Wade Barrett. His star is fading quickly, as the formerly strategic superstar looked like a retard against the challenge of CM Punk, and now he’s on the B-show in front of a much smaller audience. He might reform a portion of Nexus, but he’s going into WrestleMania looking like a loser. And I *still* don’t know what the hell Nexus’ motivation was!! Grrrr!

7) Dolph Ziggler. If you would have told me two years ago that Dolph Ziggler would even be in my top 10 heels list going into WrestleMania, I would have laughed in your face and made you eat my hat. Now he’s a front-runner to win Money in the Bank (although you see what that did for Jack Swagger, in whose boots Ziggler is arguably in right now).

8 ) Cody Rhodes. I love his character and think he’s decent in the ring, but he’s destined to lose again at WrestleMania, be it in a singles or tag match or MITB or a battle royal. Sorry, Cody.

9) Drew McIntyre. Yuck.

10) Jack Swagger. Only if he brings the eagle will I or anyone care about him. He could have been the next Brock Lesnar (ha) or Kurt Angle (haha), where hundreds of thousands of people cared about his WrestleMania undercard match, but instead he shit the bed, tussled his hair, and mediocred his way to the bottom of this top 10.

And the guests who could wrestle and actually draw interest for WrestleMania 27:

1) Goldberg. The obvious choice to wrestle Undertaker now that Brock Lesnar isn’t an option. The multitude of reasons to bring him in have been dissected numerous times (wants his kid to see him wrestle, Taker’s streak versus the once-undefeated WCW star, etc.), but I truly think this would generate buzz with both current fans and those fairweather folks who will remember Goldberg from the late 1990s.

2) The NWO (Kevin Nash, Scott Hall and Sean Waltman). I liked Wade Keller and Jason Powell’s idea for Kevin Nash to wrestle Undertaker (although I like the Goldberg idea better), but I could also see them coming in as wildly popular babyfaces, demolishing Nexus (minus Punk) to show them how takeovers are really done.

3) Kaval. Seriously. Re-sign him, but put him under a mask and do that long-rumored “dark Rey Mysterio” gimmick. It would be good for both wrestlers and great for the fans. And to keep him from becoming a one-trick pony, put him in a mask vs. mask match with Mysterio at Backlash, have Kaval lose, and re-introduce him to the audience as a despicable heel that anyone can feud with. Bam, new star.

4) Ric Flair. Find a way to get him out of his contract — I don’t care if it involves him getting arrested, punching Dixie Carter, or buying his contract in exchange for cash and advertising time during Raw for three months — and give him, Arn Anderson, Tully Blanchard and Barry Windham something to do with Nexus and/or the NWO.

5) Shawn Michaels. Like he doesn’t have one more match in him. Is a third match in the WrestleMania series against Undertaker the thing that will put WrestleMania 27 over the 1 million buy mark? Would people buy the idea that one year off has given Michaels the oomph to overcome the invincible Undertaker? That if Rock could beat Steve Austin in their third match just to make things “even” that Michaels could do the same thing? Hmmm.

Footnote: P.S. Fuck Kofi Kingston.