Kevin’s Blog: Definitely Live & Half Assed Review of @WWE #Raw

Jeremy was Mushmouth. Feel free to assign me a character from Fat Albert.

So Jeremy and I went longer than expected recording our Wrestlemania previews. We still have another two to do. Have fun figuring out which preview Jeremy goes Mushmouth on. So because that went late and my Boxer Cayenne decided to take an exceptionally long time to soil the lawn in the condo complex. I’ll catch up because we’re six days away from Wrestlemania. There’s even less days until Jeremy and his woman arrive in Cbus. Time for wrestling. Let’s roll.

Why is Mitchell Cool excited about Booker T being in the announce booth? We start off with Randy Orton & Sheamus against Kane & Daniel Bryan with AJ. Jerry Lawler called out Cool on his switched stance on Daniel Bryan but he can’t be bothered to really fight back Cool’s claim of stating facts and being a great journalist. Commercial break. I love Orton’s drop kick. It’s been a little odd that the opponents at WM have wrestled large portions of this match against each other. Sheamus gets pinned after AJ interference. Even steven booking means Sheamus gets the win. I might have picked differently in the show that was posted earlier today. We get John Cena vs the Rock build up by video.

Mitchell is in the ring and dons a Team Johnny shirt. He’s their official commentator. Well, you are the WWE’s announcer so you’d be there anyway. Cool introduces Johnny Wooden GM. Vickie Guerrero is a flag bearer. Booker introduces Teddy Long before Johnny gets to say anything. Santino Marella is taking on David Otunga. Cool goes Mushmouth after he was trending on Twitter. Otunga pays too much attention to the flag & Hornswoggle. Cobra. Teddy & Johnny wouldn’t actually be in the match, would they? Johnny announces that the Miz is the last member of Team Teddy, more Mushmouth, Johnny.

More video package for Cena & the Rock. Hey, we were there. Dusty was with us in spirit. More video package, just for the Undertaker, HHH and Shawn Michaels. I’m starving. Unlike Jeremy, I don’t have someone that can serve me food. I haven’t taught the dogs how to deliver food yet. They only deliver it to their stomachs. Time to grab something.

Eve Torres came to the ring with Beth Phoenix because we’re supposed to care about the Divas. No surprise that Maria Menounos can’t get away from that hectic schedule on Extra to join Kelly Kelly for this match. Eve misses the top rope moonsault so that KK can mess up a roll up. That match is going to be a train wreck. Chances are good that Maria won’t wrestle as well as Snooki. Say, did you hear about this match between John Cena and the Rock?

Christian comes out to take on CM Punk. Jericho has another promo from the Jeritron. Chris informs us that Punk’s mom is on the up and up. Legally, Punk is a bastard. Nice. Christian jumps Punk. How did he know when Jericho would be done talking? Christian’s head gets used as a basketball. Booker T is playing the agree with Cool tonight as Punk flips out. Glad Booker thought Christian might have a broken nose after his head bounces off the stairs. Dummy. Go with concussion. Unless you’re replacing Christian, why not just have him lose a squash match? He looks like a complete bitch now. Punk destroyed a former world champ after getting jumped.

Jeremy and I may have recored about Team Teddy vs Team Johnny earlier. I might have forgotten to mention the Funkasaurus as the last member of Team Teddy. That’d be awesome. Curt Hawkins is a young and up & comer in the WWE according to Mitchell. John Cena & the Rock might have had some more build up in the past year.

I finally ate. During that time, Rosa Mendes came down so that her man Primo could be squashed by Big Show. Epico gets his dose of medicine. Cody Rhodes comes out to taunt Show more. Oh, Christian is out of Team Johnny. Oh goody, we get Alberto Del Rio, probably. I love downgrading. I’m fine with the WWE keeping the mic away from Show for the most part.

The Bellas over Team Teddy & Team Johnny. Zack Ryder insults them. Eve asks about hotels. He’s getting in her pants in Neverland. Grrr. CM Punk tells, honestly I stopped there because I can’t do that promo justice. When JR says you need to take advantage of any time no matter how little, I think of promos like that one. Not a lot of words and Punk consistently kills facials unlike anyone else in wrestling.

The Great Khali takes on Mark Henry. I’d have to say after Santino winning, we get a Henry win to even things out for the teams. Drew McIntyre joins Team Johnny. World’s Strongest Slam to even things out. Squash match city. Johnny tosses Teddy into Henry. Team Johnny shows. Otunga has a hilariously short shirt on. Some of Team Teddy tries to make the save. For some reason, they don’t come out together. Kofi gets WSS. Booker takes out Mark Henry. The crowd goes crazy. Teddy does the smart thing and brings Booker aboard Team Teddy. Nice little surprise. Guess what? John Cena and the Rock did more stuff. They close out the show. NEXT!

The Rock gets the stick first. He soaks it up. A weak “Bootes To Asses” chant is being ,well, weak. The Rock interrupts his promo to let maybe a third of the arena chant “Boots To Asses”. Catch phrase gets the parent’s to clap. More boos for Rock than I’ve ever heard. Weird timing for it to happen this close to Wrestlemania. Right as Rock gets interesting, John Cena interrupts. Let’s see if he saves another bad Rock segment. Nope, he’s making it a chant off. Cena making a good point about being the measuring stick in the WWE. He’s been better but not spectacular. He went spectacular explaining that he’s more sharp than a visitor. The Rock returns fire well. He’s basically making the same argument too. It helps that he’s being serious. No dicking around with pie jokes. Good end for the sell. Not that you needed much for that match. -Kevin

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