It’s here?? Fuck! That’s not good news! It’s tough! Tough to listen to!

According to Prowrestling.net, Halle Berry was injured while shooting a fight scene for her upcoming WWE Studios film, “The Hive.” Of course, this would not have happened if the illustrious Ms. Berry hadn’t chosen to slum it and make a WWE Studios film. What’s next, the girl from “Swimfan” stubs her toe on the set of WWE Films “Preschool Detective”?

Also according to Prowrestling.net, Ultimate Warrior has been accused of fraud. Now, 22 years and 100 Dave Meltzer “Anabolic Warrior” references ago, this “fraud” joke would have written itself. This time, however, memorabilia dealer Christopher Elias is accusing Warrior of taking $28,000 in exchange for autographed ring gear and championship belts, among other items, and Warrior not delivering the goods. (Unlike Warrior’s coke dealer, Reggie, who always delivers the goods.) Elias intends to sue if Warrior doesn’t comply. In response to all of this, Warrior stated, “FUCK! Fuckin’ fuck!”

Finally, according to Prowrestling.net, songwriter Jim Papa has sued WWE over unpaid royalties for multiple wrestler theme songs written for the “WCW Slam Jam 1” album. Thank god there was never a 2. I mean, we all fondly remember “He’s a MAAAAAN cawled Stang!” and “He’s simply RAVishing, OWWWW!” from the year that was 1992. But do we really need to fight for the rights of shit like this?

Let’s revisit these lyrics, which start at about 0:51:

He’s a guy with values, he’s a family man
Loves his wife and son and does the best he can
Only wrestler that’s not hard to understand
Rick-y Steam-boat, the Dragon!
Blee dah dah blee… in the sports world
(long awkward pause)
When a man’s only fantasy is still the same girl
(major guitar riffage)
FRRAAAAME and fortune, titles he’s won
(rockin’ in the free world)
His biggest smile is fo-o-or his son
(wait for it, it gets sexy here)
I’m not sayin’ that women don’t fall all ooooover him
But he doooon’t give in, he’s a family murrrrn

And there may even be worse songs on this album. But Jim Papa poured his Texas-sized heart into this project and deserves to be paid for all the joy and value it brought to the table. That is to say, next time you’re in Texas, throw a bum a sandwich, it could be Jim Papa! -Eric