Eva Marie made Lilian Garcia look brilliant.

This past Total Diva episode does not get an A for effort. Not that I expect much from these episodes, but I did feel like it dragged on and there could have been more of something, anything. Yet, we are left with an episode that focuses on how disgusting a toe fungus is, how excruciatingly annoying Eva Marie is, and Alicia Fox once again stealing the scene with a one liner. Oh where to begin….

I guess I’ll begin with, why is Jojo even a Diva when she gets no air time at all? She once again was in a tiny blurb at the beginning of the show and then just disappeared. (Kevin’s Edit: I have no idea why the WWE hired her. She’s young but it’s not like she’s a baseball player who will develop their talents in the minors. No, bigger boobs won’t help her that much.) We have Trinity, Natalia, Ariane, Eva Marie and Jojo standing around and Natalya makes the comment how she can’t wait for the match with Ariane and Trinity says to make sure she wears a diaper, as we all are reminded how in last week’s episode Natalya peed herself after Trinity got her in the gut.

Eva Marie gets a chance to be a ring announcer in the upcoming Monday Night Raw. She is excited for the opportunity until she realizes that she isn’t able to have index cards or cheat. She has to memorize everything about every wrestler to introduce them. She obviously doesn’t want to mess up after the whole fiasco about lying that she knew how to dance the Tango. So we get the entire episode of her whining about how she can’t use index cards. (Doesn’t she know that Cheaters always win?) (KE: Hey, the parentheses are my gimmick lady.) Is she really that stupid? Oh wait, yes. She finds Alicia Fox in the hallway and is excited to tell her that she is going to be introducing at Raw. Alicia informs her she better get it right, she messed up once and was almost fired! Oh, that Alicia. (KE: A big reason I love Alicia. She loves to see people squirm without being bitchy.) When the time comes for her to go on stage, she introduces the Usos correctly along with Justin Gabriel but unfortunately doesn’t introduce Jinder Mahal in the 3MB. The Diva girls watch as she makes the mistake and comment on how screechy her voice is and how no one should have to listen to that. (KE: She had no idea how to use a microphone. Don’t eat it on top of screaming. Her encounter with 3MB seemed a little too set up. Jinder looked pissed though. Heath Slater being the voice of reason yet scolding her was just too perfect.) Hilarious along with seeing if she had brought out a cheat sheet which she didn’t, as she messed up big time. I believe it was Natalya that said, “Sure glad Stephanie McMahon isn’t here tonight”. Ha ha. (KE: Maybe Steph doesn’t watch the product when she’s there. No wonder people don’t know what’s happening on Raw.) As you can imagine Jinder is VERY upset along with the 3MB. She gave her apology and excuse of why she messed up and called him ‘Ginger’ not Jinder. oops! I’m guessing that red hair killed more brain cells than we thought. But at least she didn’t cheat.

With John Cena losing the belt to Daniel Bryan and then having to have surgery with a 6 month heal time, Daniel is now on the road doing lots of appearances and talks which leaves Brie at home. Though Brie and Nikki have a sweet spot on Psych as zombie vampires that they have to go film for,  she still realizes that 13 days without Daniel is a lot of time without her honey. (KE: Psych is a lot of fun except for most of the WWE appearances. We’ll see if the Bellas can buck the trend.)

Nikki moves in with John in his massive house. She packed 26 boxes of clothes, shoes and purses. DAMN! As she is almost unpacked, John comes in with a paper and tells her to not freak out or take it the wrong way, but he needs her to sign a live-in agreement which she reads out loud that if John wishes she has 40 hours to move out of the home. She obviously feels upset and hurt and takes the paper and walks out saying she needs to think about it. UH OH Cliffhanger! (KE: In no way was this a cliffhanger despite the obvious set up that it was.)

Trinity and Jon Uso are the last on the list. Jon’s toe is bleeding and when they shoot to it, it’s nasty! Trinity finally get’s him to go to the doctor after he says he’s signing his life away by filling out the paperwork, we find out he has a fungus under his big toe, which is spreadable. After chopping half of Jon Uso’s toe nail off, Trinity asks the doctor to look at her feet and we find out that Trinity has the toe fungus too. Dude, that is just nasty! So they both leave the hospital with toe fungus cream. ha ha … Yep, superstars get fungus too. Bleck! (KE: This was the second grossest thing in this episode.)

I’m not sure how you sum up something that was quite boring and slightly disgusting. Did I forget something from the show, maybe, (KE: Yes you did, the super gross John Cena elbow surgery. I have jacked up my body more than enough, don’t mind getting hurt but can’t watch surgeries. Yuck.) I guess I didn’t talk about how Brie was talking to their Agent on the phone about bra sizes and weight and how Brie said she was 123 and Nikki said 130 and Brie looked at her ‘really?’ and then Nikkie said, ‘ok, 135’,  but whatever else I may have forgotten I’m sure Kevin will remind me. Will we get some sizzle next week as Eva Marie and TJ wrestle while Natalia gets upset? Highly doubtful but we’ll still watch this hot mess and write about it. You’re welcome WWE. – M (& Kevin)