They’re stronger, they’re more outrageous and if it’s possible, more glamorous. This time, it’s no hold barred! Life is about to seriously change. Only on E! This was the commercial that was constantly being played on Spotify last week so everyone would be so intrigued they would tune in and watch the next season of Total Diva’s. After crying hysterically and then being bored out of my gourd, I thought leave it to the WWE to make the first half of the show interesting to pull viewers in, put them to sleep in the middle and try to wake them up in the end with a not so good cliff hanger. Since I wasted 45 minutes watching this, I’ll waste at least 5 minutes of your time reading this. Ha ha.

We begin the season with a recap, which is always good for me as I completely forgot what has happened in the last 2 months that they have been off. I have to say, the show started off with pretty good one liners as Eva Marie brought up her 4 page spread in Maxim as the girls meet for brunch on a Sunday afternoon. Between Nattie calling Eva a Hoochie, Jojo saying she wants to throw up her breakfast in her mouth due to having to look at these pictures again and Brie gives a non-humble Eva a kicker when she tells Eva that the Bella Twins were in Maxim Espanol which get’s distributed to more countries. Ha ha. (Kevin’s Edit: You could tell the Bellas were pissed about not being on thee Maxim cover even if they covered things up with Latin America.)

We get more hilarious outtakes with Trinity in her sparkling shoes and how they hurt her feet terribly and walks out of the hotel like an old bow legged grandma, quite hilarious as she stuck out that booty of hers. (KE: She rewound it to watch a second time. I didn’t argue.)

Ariane goes crazy after the car in front of her continues to go really slow and in turn stops right in the road. Ariane gets out of the car and starts yelling at the person in the car. To me it all seemed a bit staged, but whatever, it just flared her temper which is what her story line was in this episode. Ariane once again goes berserk on Vincent, her boyfriend, at a WWE party. I don’t know how many times she needs to say ‘babe’ but I have to say, someone needs to take that out of her vocabulary! (KE: That’ll happen right when the Steelers take “Obviously” out of Mike Tomlin’s vocabulary.) Trinity ends up talking to Ariane and tells her she needs help with her anger. She goes to talk to talk to her mom where they have a heart to heart. Her mom tells her she shouldn’t do that and that Vincent deserves better. At this point, they’re both perfect for each other as they’re both annoying as ever and who would want to deal with that.

Eva Marie has it out for the Bella Twins and since Nikki hasn’t been wrestling due to her injury, Eva finds it OK to keep ‘poking the bear’ whether it’s informing Nikki about tweets about John or telling Nikki she is the new ‘hot’ Diva, or pointing out how many signs there were for her at Summer Slam. I’m not sure why anyone would let their daughter watch this hoochie mamma on the WWE or idolize her. She is not attractive nor is she a good person. (KE: I couldn’t stop laughing because my woman yelled at the TV every time Eva came on TV saying she wasn’t attractive. My woman got the later half right.) Kudos to Brie who tells Nikki to let it be because it took them 7 years to get where they are with hard work and if she wants to focus on signs and Maxim shoots then she’s not going to make it. Nikki is letting Eva win by poking her and Brie tells Nikki to just let it be.

Not much happens with Brie and Daniel but we do get to see Daniel win at Summer Slam and we also get to see Brie put her dog in the flower pots to let it pee. (KE: I did start to wonder about dog etiquette in the city. I’ve taught my dogs not to go on the side walk but I have plenty of green space around. French Bulldogs are cute.)

Nikki and John have a little miscommunication on the red carpet for Summer Slam. John gets a text and leaves Nikki right away. We don’t find out what is going on until John comes clean and tells her that he has a torn tendon and fluid in his elbow which is why it looks the way it does and that he’ll be out for 6 months. But if it makes her feel any better, she is almost the 1st person to find out. Huh, nice one John. (KE: The fact that she didn’t find out until at Summerslam tells you how much the WWE wants to control information coming out of the backstage area.)

Nattie and Trinity have a one on one and when Trinity does her butt bump she gets Nattie right in the bladder, needless to say, Nattie hurries up for the win and runs off the stage. We find out that she peed herself. Yes, she peed herself enough that she was pee-oed. Ha ha. Trinity comes into the bathroom to hug her and tell her how great the match was and Nattie goes off telling her she couldn’t believe that she hit her hard enough to make her pee herself. Nattie gets pissed at Trinity and jumps into the shower. Due to this unfortunate bladder issue, the rest of the episode Alicia Fox makes off handed pee jokes ‘is my zipper up’ and on the red carpet laughs hysterically when Nattie said she was still ‘pissed’ at the situation. Come on, who wouldn’t laugh. (KE: Alicia Fox was the big winner this episode. She was hilarious.) Nattie was so upset, she wasn’t sure about wrestling in Summer Slam, I thought maybe Depends would be a good idea, but TJ told her she should wrestle so people would forget. Awe. Nattie does end up winning at Summer Slam.

To sum up, no one likes Eva Marie, Jojo was in the show for about 3 seconds, Nikki and Brie have to deal with Eva Marie, Ariane is working on her anger issues and Nattie won’t drink fluids before her matches anymore with Trinity. On a final note, when Nikki goes to tell John about Nattie wetting her panties, John informs Nikki that he once pooped his pants in the ring when he had food poisoning and yet continued to wrestle. (KE: This story might have beaten out Alicia Fox. It doesn’t beat out George Brett story above though.) Leave it to John Cena to give us the inside scoop. – M (& Kevin)