Logo from a blogspot of the same name.

There have been 9 episodes of Total Diva’s that I have written about and today’s article reaches the double digits. (Kevin’s Edit: Look at the banner lady. You’ve been in the double digits.) Last night I asked Kevin if we could stop watching Total Divas and 5 minutes into the show I realized why. The show lacks on drama and substance. I think watching two kittens play with a ball of string for 45 minutes would be more entertaining than what I had to sit through last night. The entire episode is now scripted, has boring story lines, and I think I’d rather watch paint dry.

When I first started writing these articles, blogs, whatever you want to call them, I thought the Total Divas show was going to show the life of a WWE Diva and their impact in a man’s field. Where showing your skills and working hard to get TV time would help all of us understand the difficulties in making it in the WWE Diva world. What I’ve witnessed these past 10 episodes is that these ladies live a very boring life, so the WWE has to script every scene and create instability within the Diva relationships just to give us a show to watch every week. (Kevin’s Edit: Everyone knew the WWE would pump it up but it all seems so set up to create “drama” that isn’t dramatic.) Jojo has become non-existent on the show, Nattie only talks about hoochie Eva Marie and do I need to hear another comment out of Eva Marie on how hot she is? With this being said, here is my next review on episode 10 of Total Diva’s.

We begin the episode with Eva Marie being scanned. I didn’t understand at first why she was being scanned until I saw the figure of Diva Nattie and then understood. Why in the hell are they making an Eva Marie action figure? Seriously? (Kevin’s Edit: The WWE thinks they have a heel in the making. Unfortunately, she’s unlikable and untalented. Unless you count hotness as talent.) Nattie seemed particularly taken aback by it as well. While Eva Marie is being scanned she said “Let’s make my boobs bigger so I sell more action figures and boost sales.” Of course the only man in the room piped up and said that was a good idea. Once again, Nattie calls Eva Marie a hoochie, we all know that she is, thanks Nattie for reminding us. This is where I knew the show was going to tank and asked if we could just delete it and I could make up my own story line for the blog, but Kevin informed me, that we should just watch the show. So onward! (Kevin’s Edit: The sarcasm about Nattie already makes my choice correct.)

We next have Ariane. She thinks it’s brilliant to get her tool of a boyfriend, or is it her fiance now? who knows, an appointment with a WWE trainer so they could be WWE wrestlers together. What part of this sounds staged? huh. Vincent agrees and goes to the training ring where he finds out that it’s freakin’ hard to be a wrestler and after 1  training day is exhausted and unable to even finish the routine guy is having him do. All the while Ariane is telling Vincent he’s doing good, but on the back camera says she made a mistake for this, really? Do you think so? So on day 2 Vincent once again is too exhausted to go on. Because even though he’s a big dude, it’s cardio man, it’s hard when you aren’t in that kind of shape, and the trainer tells him, he’s not WWE material. (Kevin’s Edit: I remember running Warrior Dash last year. It was hilarious to see these giant bulked up guys trying to run. They had no cardio despite all of the muscles. Vincent is the same way.) I don’t know if those are tears of joy or tears of sadness, but Vincent breaks down. Luckily, he has a backup plan to be a Hooka entrepreneur and open his own shop. Good for you Vincent and thanks WWE for a nice scripted segment for Ariane and Vincent.

We next have Trinity and Jon. Trinity’s dad happens to come to town for a band gig and asks to stay at their 1 bedroom apartment with them, who doesn’t see this script coming? Trinity of course says ‘yes’ because she can never say no to her dad. Well, this ends up being issues for John and Trinity. Jon wants her dad to leave since he has given up his bed for her dad and he’s sleeping on the floor. The sandwich at 11:24pm was definitely overkill. They go to watch her dad perform and he is not good. (Kevin’s Edit: I’m going to guess if her dad really did well, he wouldn’t be crashing at his daughter’s one bedroom apartment. Why do these cheap bastards have a single bedroom anyway? Most complexes have a second bedroom for an extra $10 a month. Pony up so Rikishi can stay with you too.) The WWE put people out on the dance floor to get it to look like a hoppin’ place, I wonder if they had to pay them? Then Trinity invites her Dad and all his band members back to their 1 bedroom apartment for an after party. John gets peeved and ends up leaving the apartment, since everyone from the bar came back to their 1 bedroom apartment. I’m pretty sure those were escorts taking pictures with her dad. Jon tells Trinity it’s him or her dad and leaves. Oh, forgot to add how the WWE made it look like Trinity was drunk with her hair all disarrayed and she was holding a beer bottle in her hand all of a sudden while fighting with Jon in the hall. (Kevin’s Edit: Natalya is a chicken for not siding with Jon since she didn’t want TJ’s family around when they were in Calgary. She went from sober to hammered in a camera edit. Try showing her drinking at the bar to make it less obvious.) Anyway, Trinity decides it’s Jon over her dad and in the next scene Trinity tells her dad he has to leave. How long did he stay there is my question? He makes her feel horrible by telling her that she was kicking her old man to the curb and thankfully that scene is over. (Kevin’s Edit: If this scene was real and he made her feel shitty because he’s a loser who can’t spring for a hotel, he is a piece of garbage.)

We move onto Nikki and John. The final diva for this episode. Nikki moved in with John and here we find out that John has more OCD than anyone I’ve ever met, though, are we sure it’s not another WWE ploy? He corrects Nikki on which hamper to put dirty and sweaty clothes, and I have to say, the tone he used was very condescending. She then asks to put candles or pictures up in his mausoleum of a home and he says ‘no’. She decided to go to the store, as there is absolutely no food in the house at all and makes him dinner. The guy totally freaked out! Your woman is making you dinner and you freak out cause she is using pots and pans in the kitchen. Thankfully the oven worked and I wonder if he owned the pots and pans or if she had to purchase those too. Anyway, he goes nuts over her washing dishes and getting water on the floor and her wine glass on the counter. (Kevin’s Edit: This whole OCD was the first thing to make Cena seem unlikeable. Cena doesn’t know construction well. The floor will not warp because of doing some dishes.) Kudos to Nikki for telling him that she can’t take it cause he’s being an over control freak. John goes to the gym to play chess, guess he took the chess board from his house as it’s the same one that was featured in his mausoleum. He discusses his issue with the owner of the gym while over a game of chess and realizes he’s an idiot and goes home and puts out candles, 2 picture frames and some roses. (Kevin’s Edit: Even with Nikki sprucing it up, that house is still going to be a gigantic vanilla box.) So I guess this means she can cook again?

To sum up, an incredibly boring 45 minute Diva episode, that was totally scripted. Can the WWE please do something different with this show? They are Divas for goodness sake. I’m sure something better could come of this. Obviously you’re only selling skimpy outfits, dimwitted comments and overly simplistic story lines. I think the Diva’s could do a bit more and at least have something interesting in there to watch. There are reasons that people tune in weekly to the Housewives of Atlanta, the Housewives of Beverly Hills, the Housewives of NJ, it’s because the writing is better and definitely more drama to pull you in. If you’re going to have a Diva show, do it right. Please don’t give me another episode where I sleep with my eyeballs open because next time I may just write my own Diva episode instead of reviewing the one on E! (Kevin’s Edit: I couldn’t sum it up better. Making up an episode is an idea I may consider letting her run with.) – M & (Kevin)