Almost Live, Definitely Half Assed Review of #WWE #Raw

Auf Weidersehen 2014. Guten Morgen 2015. Let’s see if the WWE does anything for the clock turning drinking holiday.

Edge & Christian are starting the show. What is old is new again. They argue Peep Show vs The Cutting Edge. They agree to do a joint show. They set up matches for both Seth Rollins and Rusev to suck them in then get them to cheer. The Five Second Pose is interrupted by Brock Lesnar. I’ve got no idea why Paul Heyman thinks Edge or Christian have motive for attacking Lesnar. John Cena interrupts the confusing promo. Lesnar is the first to be threatened to be booted into next year. Smart move by Cena to attack Heyman to raise Lesnar’s hackles. Lesnar walks away title on shoulder.

Dolph Ziggler is in a champion vs champion match against Rusev. The Russian gets the upper hand early. Ziggler goes for a pin after a DDT. The two count leads to a break. Rusev is back in control. Ziggler mounts another comeback. Super kick after ducking out of a corner dive for Ziggler. Two count still. Rusev doesn’t come anywhere near Ziggler’s knee. Ref tries to stop Rusev from beating on Ziggler but eventually DQs Rusev. For some reason, Ryback is waiting to make the save. He’s getting quite the reaction when he shows finally.

Ryback is still in the ring. He covers ground that he did on Chris Jericho’s podcast. I enjoyed this story on the show but feel like it’s being drug out on TV. I thought his vignette was a commercial. Not a good sign. Ryback is going to eat the negative of Rusev and make something positive out of it.

Natalya is a heel now. So is Nikki Bella. The WWE is really trying to make the whole division hate-able. Tyson Kidd catches Nikki. It leads to Natalya getting clocked while being distracted. Nikki with the Rack Attack win. They’re all hate-able and forgettable. Naomi thanks the Miz, who is talking to himself. He really did help her and took a lot of crap from Jimmy in the process. So is Jimmy going heel and they’re splitting the Usos after they finally get a shirt?

The Usos are taking on The Miz & Damien Mizdow for the Tag Titles so we should get that answer quickly. The Miz taking all of the beating makes no sense. He makes it a handicapped match. Shouldn’t the announcers mention that? He’s either an ego maniac or he can beat two guys at once. Both seem worth noting to me. The Miz gets super kicked then can get the boot up for a splash seconds later? Welcome to ROH ladies and gentlemen. Double super kick leads to Jimmy splashing The Miz. The Usos are your new Tag Team Champs. In this case, the announcers should mention the Miz cost himself the titles because he’s an egomaniac and won’t tag in Mizdow. Jimmy says they played the Miz. I like that better than my thought in the previous paragraph.

Cesaro has to get something off of his chest. He’s the best in these four ropes. Damn son, can’t be blowing one of your few chances on the mic. Bad News Barrett answers his challenge. I’m confused. Two guys returning to TV who used to be heels are fighting each other. The crowd seems just as confused while sitting on their hands. They let Cesaro do the Swing again. I’m sure connecting with the fans through a move happens to every wrestler. Bull Hammer Elbow moments later for the win. I continue to feel bad for Cesaro. Luke Harper is a night mare come to life. Sweet dreams. Now let the guy win if you believe in him.

Jack Swagger is the man who gets to lose to Luke Harper. I would think you could start lower on the totem pole to give him time to build up. Swagger can sustain a feud as he’s show with Rusev. He’s still a big guy who can work as a stepping stone. Swagger knocks down Harper with a clothesline to go to break. Count me as those who didn’t think this match would go this long. It gives my idea more merit. Have Harper win a nice short one month feud and end with a match of this quality. It’d take that for a lower card feud 10 out of 10 times. Harper grabs the bottom ropes. Harper puts his feet up during a Swagger Bomb. He follows quickly with the Spinning Clothesline for the win. John Cena is talking to Edge & Christian. They run over their past exploits against each other. Christian goes Mr. Inappropriate and leaves. Cena thanks Edge and gives him his respect. Nice spot there.

Roman Reigns comes out for his match. Big Show is on the head set. Seth Rollins is Reigns’s opponent. Big Show points out that Reigns because he’s pretty. Nice barb to throw in there. He’s been useless otherwise. Rollins was on a sustained beat down until Reigns slams down Rollins with an arm. Apron drop kick. Rollins knocks down Reigns with help from the Stooges to get a break. Rollins continues the beat down after. Tilt a Whirl Slam by Reigns breaks the flow. Reigns hits a clothes line. Back Drop slam gets a two count. Rollins does the “Lands on Feet then Enziguri’s Someone” spot. Reigns kicks out after a kick to the grill. Reigns with a Superman Punch after some running around. Big Show attacks Reigns. Big Show topples the announce table on him.

Seth Rollins is feeling festive. He’s going to propose a toast on The Cutting Peep Show to John Cena. Bray Wyatt is talking about an ambulance match. I’m confused by this feud too. How is this worse than a TLC match? Wyatt has his soul. He has Marsellus Wallace’s soul?

Daniel Bryan recounts his year which is still pretty awesome even if it got cut in a about half. He drags out the retirement angle then announces his entry into the 2015 Royal Rumble. Nicely played.

The Miz gets to blow off steam next. Nice garbage match to send out there.

If Dean Ambrose & Bray Wyatt are having a feud ending ambulance match tonight like Wyatt suggested why are they on the Cutting Edge Peep Show on Smackdown? Anyone home? Damien Mizdow starts out against Connor of the Ascension. Victor has the pony tail. Got it. I’m one of the few wrestling junkies not to watch NXT. Even happens when I’m TNA free. Fall of Man for a quick win. That’s a weak finisher for two big guys. Seth Rollins invites Brock Lesnar out to the Cutting Edge Peep Show.

The Ambulance Match is next week. That didn’t get through my thick skull very well. Seth Rollins comes down in a giddy mood. Edge and Christian weren’t buying his baloney about respect for them. Rollins invites down Big Show. He invites out John Cena who doesn’t show up. Rollins gets more angry about the no show. Rollins slams the suit case into Christian’s stomach. Everyone surrounds Edge. Big Show grabs him. John Cena finally comes out. He rushes the ring like he’s got a plan up his sweatband on his bicep. Rollins wants the Authority back. Cena says he will bring back The Authority. Seriously, where are Dolph Ziggler and Roman Reigns? There was no build for this angle really. I just get to shake my head at another dumb move. I’m sure the WWE Board will approve of terrorist tactics to get people employed. HHH & Stephanie McMahon were waiting in Gorilla position. They think they’re cute with this bull shit. – Kevin

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