Almost Live, Definitely Half Assed Review of WWE Raw



I’m pretty sure I either fast forwarded or otherwise didn’t see thru this Randy Orton interview. (Next Day Note: I will say I watched Smackdown & Impact when I got back from my travels on Sunday. Neither got watched well.) The Authority without HHH & Steph however is in the ring to start. Seth Rollins naturally leads off. He talks of Orton’s betrayal. Of course he claims it’s nothing like The Shield break up. They play up Orton’s infiltration. Big Show is next on the stick. He apologized for his decision that allowed Rollins to be hurt. Kane is next up. J&J get their moment on the mic. Rollins then accepts Orton’s challenge at Wrestlemania. Rollins wants to face him on Raw. Orton comes out to answer. Orton is getting a potty mouth. Orton accepts the match tonight. He’s got enough venom for all of them. Orton wants to end the “Future” of the WWE.

AJ Lee is taking on Nikki Bella. Naturally, Paige & Brie Bella are at ring side. Why is Booker T selling the Twin Magic possibility? JBL makes better sense that they’re both crazy. They are giving the Divas a chance. Break for another Diva’s match. Lee has been taking the punishment. Booker T saying all women hate each other and is using Sharmell to deflect the anger is one of the funnier announcer mishaps recently. Lee fights out of a corner. AJ splashes her then connects with a neck breaker. AJ gets two after a cross body. AJ nails a drop kick. Paige & Brie start brawling on the outside. That distracts AJ. Rack Attack for the Nikki win. That was much needed in my opinion. The Bellas haven’t looked strong yet.

Renee Young interviews Kane & Big Show. Kane decided that Show will be at ring side. They have a power struggle. Rollins comes in and calls them stupid. Kane tells him not to yell at them. Kane is not going to be at ring side because Rollins is spoiled. Big Show looks like he’s declining too. Trick? (Next Day Note: Shouldn’t every baby face assume this is a trick since it happens so often? Orton was ready for an ass kicking so he was ready.)

Ryback is taking on the Miz. He got an inset promo to tell us that Damien Mizdow has to help him win the Andre the Giant Battle Royal. Ryback tries to get Mizdow to hit The Miz. Ryback recovers quickly with a spine buster. Meat Hook Clothes Line.  Shellshock. Mizdow is helping the Miz up when Miz nails him with the Skull Crushing Finale.

I decide to take in the entrances since I just buzzed thru the video package before this segment. John Cena sells the idea of Rusev representing the fans if he doesn’t win this match. Rusev comes out without Lana. A dorky looking security agent is with him. JBL calls out the terrible accent being used by the security agent. (Next Day Note: Lana’s is bad. Did we really need that? Does it make him seem more “Russian”? Couldn’t you hire a real actor who can do the accent? I get having a translator but not a security guard who is also that.) Rusev starts insulting the parents of this country when Cena gets angry. Rusev calls us a “stupid little country”. Rusev signs the contract, tosses the table at Cena then bails. The Russian Flag still hangs.

I really like the way Cesaro & Tyson Kidd play off of each other. Big E & Kofi Kingston are the men for The New Day. Los Matadores are down at ring side. Jey Uso is injured according to Michael Cole. (Next Day Note: And according to Bummer but it won’t break the tag title match.) I don’t remember seeing anything but I’ll check. That does suck if they’re not involved. Cesaro upper cuts Kofi from behind for a quick win. Los Matadores start taking out New Day. They feed Xavier Woods to Cesaro for a Neutralizer. El Torito splashes him.

Seth Rollins has his moment with J&J Security. Jamie Noble reminds him that they were right. He ends up quitting. Joey Mercury shrugs and walks off too. This seems like a set up to me. Brock Lesnar gets his sit down played. He doesn’t think his destruction is a bad thing. Jeremy told me the Undertaker vs Lesnar match was better than we remembered. I still haven’t re-watch to confirm. Brock loves being on the big stage for wins. He will be champion whether he stays or goes. His defense mode is even more aggressive. He’s going to “F*ck up” Roman Reigns.

Big Show is kicking Erick Rowan‘s ass whenever we come back from break. Show hits the WMD. Big Show then drops the elbow off the middle ropes. Rowan has not enjoyed the split from the family. I wasn’t a big fan of Larry Zybsko. Even the Pittsburgh connection didn’t help me like him more. It makes sense to induct him though.

A bunch of jobbers are in the ring for a battle royal. It is headlined by Kane and Mark Henry. It comes down to them quickly. Curtis Axel was on the outside. He tries to toss Henry. Axel is the last man tossed by Henry.

Paul Heyman is out to promote his client again. The mic cuts again. Not even Roman Reigns can beat Brock Lesnar. He’s the next great Samoacan’t. Roman Reigns comes out and confronts him. Reigns doesn’t have a problem with Heyman, he has a problem with his client. He turns to the hard camera and tells Brock that he’s expecting a war. He’s fine with being carried out but he will do so with the championship on his shoulder. They have started to rectify the deficiencies Jeremy & I were talking about. He held up his end of the mic work. Short but it worked for his character.

Paul Heyman gets stopped by Renee Young. Lesnar will be on Raw next week so that Reigns can talk to him face to face. R Truth being the arbiter of the belt is a good idea because he needs to wrestle the least. Nothing happens in the match between Daniel Bryan, Dolph Ziggler & Dean Ambrose against Bad News Barrett, Stardust & Luke Harper prior to the break. Ziggler is beating up Stardust after the break. A Disaster Kick led to a change in momentum. Ziggler sells like a champ as always. Ziggler avoids on coming Barrett & Harper. Ziggler back drops Stardust. Harper eats a Fame Asser. Ziggler kicks out of a power bomb before another break. The spot where everyone gets to hit a finisher type move happens. Dirty Deeds on Barrett for the win. Harper attacks Ambrose. Stardust ends up making off with the title. Ambrose chases him. Bryan and Ziggler end up facing off in the ring with the belt. They go after each other. Barrett finishes off the good guys with three Bull Hammers. He has his belt back. Barrett nails R Truth outside the ring with a Bull Hammer too. He looks tough after losing the match.

Seth Rollins can’t believe what is happening to him. He wants HHH & Stephanie to fix the problem. Rollins reminds Steph that she sent home Show & Kane last week. Rollins gets tough about HHH hiding from Sting. HHH tells him to scram. They are really selling The Authority leaving Rollins alone tonight.

Bray Wyatt thinks that memories are a treasure. Abigail told him about the lies of the world. The only thing Undertaker did was changing a chair to dust. Wyatt knows that Taker is afraid to show his face. Behold the new face of fear. It’d be fun if Taker put over Wyatt. I’m changing my tune on that.

Seth Rollins only needed three hours to make a fool out of Randy Orton while Orton needed three weeks. The poor announcers have to act surprised. The fans want Sting. Orton stands his ground with a chair. Lights hit and we do have Sting. He takes off his coat but still has a shirt. Scorpion Death Drop on Noble. RKO on Joey Mercury. Does HHH finally go over on Sting next week? I can’t imagine him winning at Wrestlemania. If I were Sting, not a chance in hell I sign that contract without getting the win at WM guaranteed. – Kevin

I bitch about the over run but I’m watching the WWE Network for the Randy Orton & Sting promos. Both are short and sweet. Probably a good plan. I’ve been at this for two and a half hours. Others for the full three. Keep it brief. – Kevin

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