Almost Live, Definitely Half Assed Review of WWE Raw 29 June ’15

Union Station in Washington DC from skift.com

Union Station in Washington DC from skift.com

Seth Rollins starts in the middle of the ring. He burned Suplex City to the ground. Rollins has a gift for J&J and Kane. They’re Apple Watches. Kane is going to Hawaii. Wow, brilliant way to open the show. J&J gets a Cadillac because we haven’t advertised enough in the first fifteen minutes. I hope whoever I do the show with tomorrow completely skips talking about this angle.

The Miz is on the head set as Big Show stands in the ring. Because we haven’t seen this match in more than a month, his opponent is Mark Henry. Big Show wins with a WMD quickly to put us out of our misery. Ryback comes out and attacks Big Show. The Miz ends up taking a cheap shot at Ryback and runs off.

The Miz and Ryback are at it after a break. Byron Saxton has to make JBL’s point for him about the Miz using his smarts. Even the announcing is starting off on the wrong foot. The crowd not counting along with the delayed vertical suplex really hurt it. The Miz gets in some offense so that he can at least have some credibility. Well he did until he left the ring and got counted out.

Paige takes on Alicia Fox who has Brie & Nikki Bella. We get it Vince, you’re vindictive. Thanks for making us endure this terrible Divas Title reign all so you can spite AJ Lee. Nobody cares about it except for you. The ladies get a commercial break for the first time in a while. #GiveDivasaChanceLOL. The match has been good. Paige kicks out after a big back breaker. I’m still fixated on the announcers who continue to be as confusing as ever. JBL and Byron Saxton have made both face and heel points within every segment. Paige reverses a distraction roll up for the win. The crowd is indeed alive as they cheered the win. The WWE is doing a good job of isolating Paige. Just ignore the confusing and topsy turvy back stories to get here.

Kevin Owens comes out and pretends to take the John Cena US Title Open Challenge then appoints Cesaro the challenger. Owens joins the announcers. Cesaro has an impressive power slam that earns a replay. Owens points out that no one is paying attention to a good match. Cole continues to ignore the quality match. Cesaro has had the bulk of the offense. Cesaro cuts off a Five Knuckle Shuffle with a clothesline. People are still going nuts for the Cesaro Swing, but you know, he can’t get over. Super Upper Cut gets kicked out of by Cena. He slaps on an STF. Cesaro slips out and applies a Sharpshooter. Cena reaches the ropes. Cesaro gives Cena a Super Suplex while Cena was on the apron. Cena busts out a tornado DDT. Cena rolls through on a cross body. Cena face plants him as he continues to expand his moves. Cena goes to the top rope. Cesaro drop kicks him off. Cesaro attacks on the outside. Cena does the flip pin again. Cesaro hits a Neutralizer. Cena kicks out. Owens attacks when Cesaro causing a DQ. Only he’s going to take the US Title from Cena.

Bray Wyatt thought he should be his dad’s favorite but he was throw out like trash. He is the darkness to Roman Reigns’s light. He tells him to run. Reigns won’t run.

The Lucha Dragons & Prime Time Players are taking on New Day & Bo Dallas. Titus gets to throw Dallas around like a rag doll. There are so many people involved in this match it gets a commercial. Darren Young even gets to sell in a four way match. He collides with Dallas. O’Neil gets the hot tag. Kofi is on the receiving end. He takes the Pounce but Woods & Big E make the save. Titus catches Kofi on a dive and turns it into a sit down power bomb for the win. Fun match.

Dolph Ziggler and Lana come out to make an announcement. He’s getting a 10 PM segment. Hell of a spot for the New Age Christian. Lana kicks Rusev while he is down. They have become more than friends. Rusev comes out. Summer Rae follows. Kissing Lana was like kissing a ring post. Ziggler threatens to take out Rusev’s other leg. Summer Rae grabs the mic and calls Lana a gold digger. Rusev really cared about Lana. Summer Rae slaps Lana. Dolph consoles her. Lana attacks. Dean Ambrose is talking to some Terminators when Roman Reigns arrives. Ambrose wants a fired up Reigns tonight because it’s no DQ.

Neville is fighting Sheamus because this match hasn’t happened in a month. Neville tosses Sheamus to the outside with a head scissors. Sheamus catches Neville from a sling shot to give him Rolling Hills. Sheamus starts to wear down Neville. Sheamus charges into the corner and Neville kicks him in the jaw. Neville starts hitting and moving. Sheamus misses another charge and goes outside. Massive moonsault. Sheamus kicks the rope as Neville goes for Red Arrow. Neville rolls up Sheamus but only gets a two count. Brogue Kick shortly after for the win.

King Barrett wants his opponents to bow before him. Jack Swagger doesn’t comply. Bull Hammer in short order. Swagger is officially below R Truth in the pecking order.

Seth Rollins & Kane take on Dean Ambrose & Roman Reigns. I’m going to take a wild guess that Bray Wyatt will cost the faces the match. Crazy, I know. Ambrose gets pushed off the top rope to the floor to turn things in the heels favor. Reigns is taking the beating. The announcers say that the referee has regained control. It’s no DQ, there doesn’t need to be control! Ambrose gets the luke warm tag. Reigns gets the hot tag a few minutes later. Mercury tries to attack with a kendo stick but fails. Reigns goes Superman Punch happy when,lo and behold, Wyatt attacks. Modern day Nostradmus is typing. Wyatt Rock Bottoms him on the announce table. The referee order him to the back but as the announcers say, it’s no DQ. Why are they there. Ambrose fires back with a sling shot clothes line. Choke Slam. Pedigree. I like that Rollins is starting to establish that as his finisher. He shied away from it for a moment. The Authority goes to put Ambrose through a table when Reigns attacks. He gets beat down. Reigns gets back up and fights them off momentarily. Watching a pack of hyenas hunting is quite fascinating. As are wild dogs in Africa. Reigns gets put through the table. Reigns starts to get back up again. Pedigree. Bray Wyatt coming in and giving Reigns Sister Abigail is a bitch move. Do you really think that hurts that much extra after the beating he just took? – Kevin

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