Almost Live, Definitely Half Assed Review of WWE Raw

1940 Houston Municipal Airport saved from

1940 Houston Municipal Airport saved from

What kind of ridiculous hat is Bray Wyatt wearing to start the show? Are those going to still be horns when the lights go up? For some reason, Wyatt thinks he taught Roman Reigns a lesson last night. Reigns comes out alone after more barking. Reigns challenges him one on one. Wyatt sends out the big guys. Wyatt promptly gets dismantled. Luke Harper & Braun Strowman attack. Dean Ambrose makes the save. The Wyatt end up getting the upper hand. Randy Orton hits the ring. He takes out Harper. Strowman stops his momentum. Ambrose, Orton & Reigns triple team Strowman to knock him out of the ring. Corporate Kane is in The Authority’s locker room so that Seth Rollins can run into him. He’s happy go lucky Kane. He lets Rollins know his rematch for the US Title is tonight. This angle could be stupid fun.

Stardust & The Ascension are taking on Neville & The Lucha Dragons. I didn’t watch the pre-show so this match is new to me. Sin Cara slips on the rope so he gets to sell first. Neville gets an early hot tag. Victor causes a distraction. Stardust takes advantage. Neville gets to sell second. People sure do like chanting Lucha. Kalisto goes in on the real hot tag. A bunch of high flying moves later, Selina Del Sol for the win by Kalisto. Neville & Kalisto can just flat out move.

Seth Rollins complains to HHH & Steph. HHH tells Rollins to concentrate on winning the US Title. Steph whacks HHH after Rollins leaves. So that means they’re back to not liking Rollins? Ryback comes out.

Kevin Owens comes out to taunt Ryback. They love Owens in the booth. Bo Dallas is Ryback’s opponent. I guess his body has healed from the Brock Lesnar beating he took. Michael Cole makes a good point which of course JBL wrecks moments later. Ryback keeps on being distracted by Owens. Ryabck focuses and kicks Dallas’s ass. Shellshock for the win. Owens attacks. Ryback gets the upper hand to send the chicken to the back.

Charlotte has a moment with Ric Flair in the ring. Paige ends up freaking out on the whole Diva’s Division. Nikki Bella is back to being a heel. Brie Bella is taking on Charlotte tonight. Nikki tells Charlotte she’s going to lose the “championships” when they face off again. Nikki fucked up three times during that short promo.

Brie & Charlotte are having their match now. The announcers are trying to make my head explode re-writing the Divas Division again. Charlotte gets tossed into the stairs. She has to sell the leg injury again. Why is the crowd cheering when Brie asks about going for one more? Yep, my head exploded. Charlotte comes back in short order. Figure 8 for the tap out win. As if this match hasn’t played out three times already. Can we drop the Divas team? Because that’d really help Sasha get rid of the boat anchors around her neck.

Sheamus comes down as we get recap from Night of Champions. Mark Henry comes out to lose and suck up to the Texas crowd. Sheamus has to go for a second Brogue Kick because the first one kind of missed. They are really starting to get behind him.

HHH & Stephanie talk to Corporate Kane. He continues to pretend like he doesn’t remember last night even after Steph tells him to drop the BS. Steph wants them all on the same page. Steph just wants the mask back. Kane threatens them goes back to happy go lucky. Paige greets a returning Natalya. She says that Paige had some good points but she still acting like a bitch acting that way. I’m not digging the make up on Paige.

Xavier Woods has a piece of wood that was lodged in his buttocks. The Dudleyz are a menace of society. Big E thinks they need to build a wall around Dudleyville. Kofi tells us we all have a voice. Rusev comes out with Summer Rae. New Day was hamming it up as Rusev did his ring schtick. Dolph Ziggler is teaming with The Dudley Boyz. Ziggler is taking a beating when we get back from break. Woods kills me free lancing at ring side. Ziggler is taking quite a beating. Rusev yells at Ziggler that “Lana is mine” over and over again. I was really hoping they ended their feud last night. Bubba Ray gets the hot tag. Big E saves Kofi from getting pinned. Rusev comes in. Ziggler gets to do the “Wassup” head butt. Woods gets super kicked by Ziggler. Rusev super kicks Ziggler for the win. Summer Rae celebrates.

Natalya is taking on Naomi. This will be an interesting outcome either way. Naomi gets the upper hand early. Paige is watching in the back. Naomi bulldogs Nattie into the turn buckle. Naomi chokes out Nattie on the rope. Nattie starts to take control. Tamina & Sasha distract Nattie. Naomi takes advantage. JBL has to concede defeat on the team concept after this win. Seth Rollins asks for a plan again. HHH gets mad then tells Rollins to just worry about John Cena.

Cesaro is taking on Big Show again because Smackdown wasn’t enough. We all can only hope Cesaro wins this time. Big Show is taking it to Cesaro early. Cesaro starts to hit and run with big shots. Cesaro suplexes Big Show from the apron into the ring. Big Show wins because he’s taking on Brock Lesnar a week from Saturday. He starts talking like he has a chance to win and we haven’t seen Brock mow through him recently.

Luke Harper gets to cut a creepy promo. Randy Orton hasn’t learned from his mistakes. Braun Strowman skinned a snake. I helped to skin a deer. Does that make me more bad ass?

Seth Rollins jumps John Cena early. The ref separates them but Cena is still hurting when the bell rings. Cena stops Rollins from fleeing ring side. It ends up costing him as Rollins takes advantage. Rollins slaps on the STF. Rollins goes for the Pedigree. Cena reverses it into a sling shot. Cena counters a second Pedigree. Ends up turning into a buckle bomb into a falcon arrow. Rollins only gets two. Cena gets away from a top rope move from Rollins.  Cena applies the STF but Rollins gets to the rope quickly. Rollins connects with a Frog Splash. Cena picks him up and AAs Rollins for the win. Just stupid. Kane pops onto the Titantron. Kane flips the switch again. People love the under the ring gimmick. The Demon Kane drags Rollins under the ring with him. Just stupid, but funny in a cheesy way. – Kevin

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