Almost Live, Definitely Half Assed Review of WWE Raw – 6 June ’16

Saved from It's the Gold Dome along Route 66 by Bailey, Bozalis, Dickenson & Roloff

Saved from It’s the Gold Dome along Route 66 by Bailey, Bozalis, Dickenson & Roloff

The WWE starts us off with all of the Money In The Bank participants standing on ladders, except for Dean Ambrose who is sauntering down to the ring. Kevin Owens is the first to really shot his mouth off. Chris Jericho will be even more famous than he already is. Sami Zayn will defend the title now matter who the challenger is. Ambrose just wants to fight. Alberto Del Rio insults everyone. Cesaro finally jumps in. He gets people to chant “You’re an idiot” at Jericho. All of this banter is supposed to be witty and funny but it’s just okay. Ambrose starts the brawl by punching Jericho as he basks in his glorious past. Teddy Long is back and is looking good still. He rattles off a bunch of match types but in context it doesn’t make sense. Stephanie McMahon comes out to try and talk sense into him. She fails so Teddy requests Shane McMahon. Stephanie informs us that Shane is on vacation. My dad needed to own a better company. She sets matches with all six men between each other.

Cesaro ends up taking on Chris Jericho. Cesaro is really working over Jericho. Even when Jericho gets a hope spot, Cesaro turns it into a back breaker. Jericho finally turns it around by grabbing the ref. He follows it up with a drop kick as Cesaro goes for a top rope cross body. Jericho’s only control time in this match was during the break. Cesaro starts the Upper Cut Train. Cesaro returns the favor by uppercutting Jericho as he comes off the ropes. Cesaro goes for a spring board uppercut and Jericho catches him with a Code Breaker. Cesaro rolled out of the ring though. Cesaro kicks out at two because of the breather. Cesaro comes back with a Superplex from the apron. An enziguri gets Jericho a two count. Jericho turns a Gotch Neutralizer into a Walls of Jericho. CEsaro gets to the ropes. Cesaro Swing into a Sharp Shooter. Jericho taps out. Cesaro needs that type of win to be followed up or he’s got the next Dolph Ziggler all over him.

They give Seth Rollins a video package. Rollins is soooo doped up in the hospital after the surgery. That should be illegal to tape. Who knows what other dumb shit could have been said. It’s going to be interesting to see what Rollins does after he loses at Money In The Bank.

Lana has taken to introducing Rusev again. Titus O’Neil is on the head set. Oklahoma City gets to watch Jack Swagger lose again. Nothing interesting happened until they double clothes lined each other outside the ring. As they both recover, Swagger gets pushed into O’Neil. Rusev gets back in the ring for the count out win. Rusev gets beaten up by both Swagger & O’Neil after the match.

John Cena is upset that AJ Styles wrecked the vibe by aligning himself with The Club. Styles with the back hand compliment of the year, Cena is only great in his cameos. Styles claims that Cena offends him with his work in the ring. Cena points out that Styles has lost all of his big matches in the WWE. Cena is right with that one. Styles points out what everyone on the internet says, that people get buried after they lose to Cena. The Club goes to move in but New Day makes the save.

Enzo Amore & Big Cass come out. Amore does the normal schtick. The Vaudevillains are just taking the insults. Amore of course ends up taking the beating and quickly. Cass comes in early for a hot tag. Aiden English throws Amore into the ropes. Big Cass snaps and gets DQed. Cass destroys Gotch as Amore recovers and gets back into the ring.

Tom Phillips wonders if Sami Zayn is the under dog tonight. Zayn says he’s the under dog because Del Rio has done all of what he aspires. Alberto Del Rio comes in and talks down to Zayn, who seems more amused than insulted by it all.

Teddy Long dances into Stephanie‘s office. He crazy talks more matches. Stephanie  steals his idea then tries to pass it off as her idea. I mean, she does realize that cameras are everywhere on the show she runs, right?

Sami Zayn and Alberto Del Rio have their match. Del Rio gets in the first big move by giving Zayn an enziguri as he’s on the top rope. Del Rio takes too long doing the World’s Dumbest Move (which they have been trying to make less dumb) so Zayn tosses him off. Del Rio kicks him in the stomach. The World’s Dumbest Move is then executed after Zayn flexs his hand then puts it back on the ropes so he can take the move.

Dean Ambrose and Kevin Owens have a confrontation back stage. Ambrose reminds Owens of the multiple times he’s beaten Owens. People having real talk left and right on the show.

Roman Reigns gets his own video package. He chronicles the Shield rise and fall as well. Reigns laments the loss but says that anger is a great motivator. Both packages were vastly superior to the garbage they did last week even if I could have chronicled them better.

Kevin Owens and Dean Ambrose have their match at the top of the hour. Owens grabs my attention when he gets on Byron Saxton’s head set. Before he can say much of anything, Ambrose attacks. Owens gained the advantage quickly though. Ambrose turns it around with a Superplex. Owens recovers enough to go for the Cannonball. Ambrose cleans his clock with a clothes line. Owens gets in the Cannonball soon after. Owens catches Ambrose going for a suicide dive. Owens rams him back first against the apron. Bull Frog Splash from the apron to the floor. Dirty Deeds for the win. Ambrose puts up a ladder and climbs it. Owens comes back and pushes over the ladder.

Darren Young and Bob Backlund are still in skits, that aren’t creative and get repeated more than I’d like.

Charlotte only meant her split from her father to be professional, not also personal. Natalya & Becky Lynch have to pretend like they’re offended by her actions against Ric Flair. Dana Brooke finally gets to be involved but only to be told what not to do. She pretends like she’s backing away from Charlotte only to cheap shot Natalya. They beat down the babies. Solid, unspectacular and likely only women’s segment of the show.

JBL talks about Tyler Breeze shaving Fandango’s back before the segment airs. Saxton then admits to needing some chest hairs removed. If you didn’t cringe listening to that, you’re too used to terrible WWE announcing. R Truth is having a match with Breeze. Goldust is of course outside too. They end up brawling to cause a DQ. Teddy Long tries to make a tag team match. He then gets escorted out. Stephanie tells Teddy he isn’t what the WWE is looking for in very insulting terms. She then tosses him out of the arena.

The Club beats down New Day before the match starts. They get a break to rest though. They rule out Xavier Woods as a partner because of the Styles Clash he took on the outside. Karl Anderson starts against Kofi Kingston. He gets the upper hand. Big E gets tagged in. He takes out Anderson. AJ Styles Pele Kicks him as he celebrates. The beat down of Big E commences. Kingston gets the hot tag against Styles. Luke Gallows attacks and fails on Kingston. It gives Styles recovery time though. An SOS attempt is saved by Anderson. Phenomenal Forearm on a distracted Kingston for the win. John Cena finally makes the save but is too late so the Club takes care of him. They celebrate too much. Kingston starts the baby come back. Everyone gets to do their finisher. We all go to bed happy. – Kevin DiFrango

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