Almost Live, Definitely Half Assed Review of WWE Raw – 13 Feb. ’17

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The WWE starts us off with Stephanie McMahon. She gave Mick Foley off because he acted terribly during Samoa Joe’s contract signing. Roman Reigns comes out. He really wants Strowman but he’s in action already tonight against Mark Henry. Luke Gallows &  come out to defend Stephanie and to fight Reigns two on one. I can’t handle when Steph tries to go “funny” as she did her Teddy Long impersonation. It is so uncomfortable watching that aspect of her character.

The match is underway after the break. Nothing much happens in the match before Gallows & Anderson get themselves DQed by staying in the ring too long and beating on Reigns. Reigns makes an expected comeback to chase them from the ring.

Bo Dallas is in singles action against Kofi Kingston. New Day uses their entrance to introduce their Ice Cream line that will come after the victory. Dallas rolls outside the ring to provide a comedy moment as he grabs the secret recipe and rips it up. Dallas hit his neck breaker finish but Kingston kicked out. Kofi ends up winning with an SOS.

Charlie interviews Neville who is upset that he even needs to take on either Jack Gallagher or TJ Perkins. Gallagher shows up to parlay with Neville verbally. Good segment and both of these guys have characters. They’ll get the Cruiser Weights running well eventually.

Noam Dar is Gallagher’s opponent tonight. Dar is getting in some solid offense. Dar has something since he’s a bit of a crazy person. Gallagher’s head butt looked really vicious tonight. He tops it off with the corner drop kick for the win. My wife walks up, sees the replay and just says “No, just, no” and walked away.

Emmalina shows up. She tells us that we’re going to see her turn back into Emma. Sure guys.

Bayley delivers a solid promo as my wife talked to me and I just sort of paid attention enough to write that piece of genius. She’s ridiculously likeable.

HHH breaks up Kevin Owens & Chris Jericho. He drags away Owens for a private discussion.

Braun Strowman taking on Mark Henry for the easy win. Strowman does the first heelish thing ever by cheap shooting Henry with a punch as the ref backs him off. Strowman starts to dominate. Henry does block a clubbing. Henry fires back. He goes for the World’s Strongest Slam but Strowman moves to drop Henry on his back. Strowman drop kicks Henry. What the hell!!! Power Slam for the win. Reigns comes out to the ramp and marches down there. Reigns gets the upper hand with a pair of Superman Punches. Reigns goes for a Spear but Strowman turns it into a Power Slam.

Michael Cole gets a sit down interview Samoa Joe. Joe gets to say in various and sundry ways why he’s going to kick ass now that he’s on the main roster. He projects so well that he’d whoop you.

Sami Zayn is taking on Rusev who has a mask on because of a broken nose. Zayn gets in the attack early. It ends when he hits a flip dive to the outside. Rusev attacks as he comes back in. Zayn had a hope spot off the top rope but Rusev shut things down quickly. Rusev comes charging and Zayn dodges. Rusev hits the post. Rusev still gains the advantage on the outside. He tosses Zayn back into the ring. Zayn gives Rusev a Helluva Kick as he gets back into the ring for the win. Zayn gets interviewed on the stage. He talks about Samoa Joe’s comment from his interview. Joe ends up attacking him from the side. Kokina Clutch gets Zayn to pass out. By the way, how far has Rusev fallen?

Akira Tozawa is taking on Ariya Daivari. Brian Kendrick is on the head set along with Austin Aries. I can’t believe how quickly Towaza’s “Ha!” has caught on. Tozawa’s suicide dive is crazy since he headbutts the guy. Tozawa with the German Suplex for the win.

The Festival of Friendship starts with fire works. then dancers with game show music. Chris Jericho is rocking a fedora that is about a size too small. Jericho commissioned a sculpture to show what their friendship looks like. Jericho then unveils a piece of artwork with them in the Creation. Kevin Owens can’t hang it in his house because Jericho doesn’t have pants on. Jericho then brings out “Friendship the Magician.” Owens says that his child can do better magic. Jericho turns on Friendship. Jericho then challenges Goldberg to come to the ring to get “It.” Jericho’s reveal ended up being Gillberg. Owens gets pissed because he wanted to beat down Goldberg. Jericho pours his heart out to Owens. Jericho tells Owens that he’ll always have his back. Owens only has a small gift for Jericho. It ends up being The List of KO which has Jericho on it. Owens beats down Jericho ending with a Power Bomb on the apron. Actually, he finishes by smashing Jericho into the TV screen.

Enzo Amore has a way with words but he’s is so clearly the little dog in this fight standing behind his big man. It isn’t a particularly good look to me but people still love him. Cesaro is his opponent. Cesaro doing a good job of slowly beating up on Enzo. Amore gets a boot up on a charge. Enzo follows up with a swinging DDT. Cesaro tosses Enzo in the air. Super Uppercut for the win. Sheamus flips out on Big Cass but Cesaro holds him back.

Charlotte runs into Sasha Banks back stage. They fire off about who the real winner is. Sasha isn’t completely wrong. She won every Raw main event so that Charlotte could keep the PPV streak. That factoid also makes me think Bayley is winning tonight. Bayley’s slap of Charlotte is the biggest offense early. Neither seems to be able to sustain an attack. Charlotte locks in a submission. She gives Bayley a neck breaker out of it. Charlotte boots Bayley off the apron to get things moving in her direction. Charlotte moonsaults off the barricade. That looked really rough as if Charlotte actually caught at least part of her neck. They collide going for cross bodies. Bayley recovers first and goes on offense. Charlotte bails to the apron but that doesn’t help. Bayley drops the Macho Man Elbow but only gets a two count. Charlotte boots down a charging Bayley. Charlotte goes to the top and Bayley stops her. Bayley with a huracanrana but it also gets a two. Bayley locks in a Figure Four after Dana Brooke shows up. Brooke rakes Bayley’s eyes. Charlotte locks in the Figure Eight. Sasha comes down and attacks Brooke. Sasha then attacks Charlotte with the ref talking to Bayley. Bayley recovers and give Charlotte the Bayley to Belly for the win. Nice. – Kevin DiFrango

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