Almost Live, Definitely Half Assed Review of WWE Raw – 6 Feb. ’17

The Hollywood Theater in Portland OR designed by Bennes & Herzog. Saved from the

The WWE starts us off with the contract signing of Samoa Joe since evidently unknown to us, NXT stars are free agents. Mick Foley and Stephanie McMahon have a spat about who’s against who. Samoa Joe tells Foley it’s been too long for him to get to a WWE ring. Roman Reigns comes out and answers Joe’s challenge. He’s ready to whoop some Samoan ass. Foley makes it a match.

Bayley gets a match with Nia Jax. Jax lays a beat down early. Bayley hangs Jax out to dry to gain a momentary control. Jax has control through a break. Bayley finally fires up. She gets caught going for a back elbow. Jax tosses her to the outside. Jax misses a charge into the post. Bayley pushes Jax into the post. As the referee hits 7, Charlotte comes to ring side. That distracts the ref and Bayley. Jax recovers and gives Bayley a Samoan Drop for the win.

Braun Strowman comes down to the ring. He is taking on four jobbers because they don’t want to use anyone on their roster to get tossed around. I could have FF thru this win by Strowman. But I didn’t just for you. Strowman is mad about competition again. Foley gives Strowman Reigns at Fastlane.

Akira Tozowa is taking on Drew Gulak, who is already in the 205 Live jobber. They gave Tozowa a video package before the match. The first big move was a suicide dive that turned into a head butt. A Shining Wizard was the next looking nasty move. Tozowa finishes Gulak with a German Suplex.

Kevin Owens & Chris Jericho are next to get the microphone. Owens brags about still being Universal Champion after defeating Strowman last week. Too many people cheer this to be effective at pointing out Owens is the heel. People are not as generous for Jericho ho wants to beat fan favorite Sami Zayn until he puts Tom Brady on The List. Jericho then suggest Jericho vs Owens for Wrestlemania. Owens doesn’t want to commit to the match. For some reason Goldberg decides to come out at this juncture. He tells Owens & Jericho to buzz off or feel his wrath. They beg off but stay in the ring. Goldberg accepts the challenge of Brock Lesnar. Owens tells Goldberg that him & Lesnar won’t be the main event, Jericho vs Owens will be. Goldberg mentions to Owens that he doesn’t have a match at Fastlane yet so Goldberg challenges him. Jericho ends up talking Owens into the match. Jericho & Owens are backstage. Owens is not pleased.

Cesaro & Sheamus come out for their rematch with Karl Anderson & Luke Gallows over the Tag Team Championships. Cesaro gets the beat down so that Sheamus can have the hot tag. Enzo Amore & Big cass were at ring side. Gallows kicks Enzo so Cass kicks him causing the DQ. I smell a multi-team Tag Team Champiohsip defense at Wrestlemania. At a minimum, Fastlane.

New Day has to lower themselves to take on Primo & Epico. Xavier Woods gets to take the beat down so that Primo & Epico don’t look completely inept. Big E cleans house. Woods & Big E with the Midnight Hour for the win.

Jericho’s relationship with Owens won’t affect his match. They had a minor disagreement. Owens knows it will work out. He’s going to beat Bill. They hug. I smell Owens screwing over Jericho.

I loved the Rock N’ Roll Express. Good for Ricky Morton & Robert Gibson.

Sami Zayn gets his first camera time of the night even though he’s been much talked about. Jericho comes out with Owens. Zayn gets in plenty of offense in the early going. More than I expected. Jericho ducks out of the ring. Flip Dive leads to the break. Jericho is in control after it though. Jericho gets two after a Lionsault. Zayn hits an Exploder Suplex into the corner.  Jericho turns the Tornado DDT into the Walls of Jericho. Slick move. Owens super kicks Zayn while Jericho has the ref distracted. Code Breaker for the win. I smelled wrong. Won’t be the last time.

Charlotte gets to be bitchy to Sasha Banks while still trying to drive a wedge between Banks & Bayley. Short and effective.

Austin Aries wants to interview Neville in the ring. Rich Swann is out of action with an ankle injury. There will be a Fatal Five Way Elimination match on 205 Live tomorrow night. Sounds fancy. Aries gets a bad look when he asks about an opponent “scaring” Neville. Cedric Alexander comes out. Then Noam Dar. Then Jack Gallagher. Then Tony Nese. Lastly, TJ Perkins. This was not the solution to all of them lacking mic time. Everyone gets to do a dive on the outside. Neville fakes one to cap off the segment.

We get a six man match with Perkins, Alexander & Gallagher taking on Neville, Dar & Nese. Gallagher took a beating. He gets out of it by head butting Nese. Dar gets the tag in but Neville is not pleased. Perkins gets tagged in because of Dar mistake. Perkins cleans house. Dar catches Perkins going for a spring board. Neville leaves as Dar tries to go for the tag. Alexander comes in for a spring board clothes line and a Lumbar Check for the win. I guess Alexander will win tomorrow too?

Jericho & Owens have more best friend moments. There’s going to be a Festival of Friendship next week. I checked out for most of the speech. I’ve had too much of them tonight. Happens to everyone. It gets it’s own graphic after the hype video.

Hype video for The Elimination Chamber.

Roman Reigns comes out for the main event. Samoa Joe attacks from behind. He beats down Reigns to the point that the match becomes a question mark. Magically, it starts when they come back from commercial. Joe still brings the beat down after the bell rings. Reigns fights out of a rest hold and gets in some shots. A Back elbow gets Reigns more momentum. Reigns clotheslines Joe ten times in the corner. Joe follows an inverted atomic drop and running boot to the face. Joe goes for a running boot and gets Samoan Dropped instead. Drive By after Joe rolls outside. Superman Punch by Reigns. Braun Strowman comes out. Reigns hits him with a couple of Superman Punches. Joe takes advantage. Urinogi Suplex aka Rock Bottom for the Joe win. Strowman gives Reigns a power slam. The WWE isn’t quite getting the response they want with the “Thank You Strowman” chants. Strowman cracks Reigns with the stairs. Strowman power slams Reigns through a barricade. Seriously, why shouldn’t we like this guy? – Kevin DiFrango

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