Almost Live, Definitely Half Assed Review of WWE Raw – 15 May ’17

Cathedral Basilica of the Sacred Heart in Newark NJ. Saved from Wils 888 Flickr account.

The WWE saves me five minutes with their opening video package. I’m counting since I didn’t start in between the first and second period. Seth Rollins, Samoa Joe, Finn Balor, Bray Wyatt or Roman Reigns will get the next shot at Brock Lesnar after a fatal five way match at Extreme Rules according to Kurt Angle. Reigns comes out and states his case. Balor gives the “I didn’t lose my Title” defense. He also beat Reigns. Samoa Joe just wants to whoop some ass. Wyatt talks his usual nonsense. Mr. Rollins is the last out. He starts a bruhaha. Hey Randy Orton, there was a flip dive on the opening segment of Raw.

Kurt Angle makes matches between Seth Rollins & Bray Wyatt along with Reigns taking on Balor.

The Hardy Boyz come out. Sheamus & Cesaro come out next. It’s just Jeff vs Sheamus in the match. Sheamus gets to wear down Jeff from the jump. Jeff gets a come back spot hitting most of his normal offense. Sheamus fires back with a high knee to the face. Sheamus comes off the top rope awkwardly and Jeff gives him a Stunner. Even the announcers are confused as to what was happen. Matt gets on the apron. Jeff nearly gets tossed into him. Sheamus Brogue Kicks Matt onto Cesaro. Jeff hits the Twist of Fate for the win.

Alicia Fox gets a rematch with Sasha Banks because her shoulder was up last week when Banks pinned her. I thought I saw that last week. Noam Dar is at ring side. Scissors Kick by Fox after a small package from Banks. Fox wins. Everyone wonders what Banks did back stage to have this happen.

Corey Graves: The Miz & Dean Ambrose haven’t had a bigger match. Michael Cole: Ambrose just beat Miz for the Intercontinental Championship. Me: The Miz is in control after the comments. Ambrose connects with a suicide dive. Ambrose with an interesting cradle pin for two. Victory Roll type pin by Ambrose. Miz misses a charge in the corner. Top rope elbow on a standing Miz. He recovers. Miz avoids the Lunatic Lariat and turns it into the Skull Crushing Finale. Ambrose kicks out. Maryse protects Miz on the outside. Ambrose decides to jump any way. She moves and he crashes into Miz. Ambrose rolls Miz back into the ring. Maryse distracts the ref. The Miz goes for a crotch shot but Ambrose catches him. Ambrose kicks The Miz in the groin in response and gets DQed. Didn’t think they’d have the championship change hands on Raw.

Finn Balor is confident in his abilities despite the size differential between himself and Reigns.

Alexa Bliss comes out. She calls Newark for being slobs and failures. She gets the “What” treatment. She talks about how she’s won everywhere she’s gone. Bayley interrupts Bliss. Bayley is happy that Bliss got things but she wants her rematch. Both of them didn’t come off great to me. Almost like they were reading a script. Bliss doesn’t think Bayley can get extreme for Extreme Rules. Bliss kendo sticks Bayley.

Kurt Angle give The Miz a match with Ambrose at Extreme Rules where the title can change hands if Ambrose gets DQed. The Drifter makes an appearance. I’m enjoying the gag.

TJ Perkins & Neville are taking on Jack Gallagher & Austin Aries. A dive by Aries leads to a commercial break. He is taking the beating though. Booker making a good case for why TJP shouldn’t follow Neville. Gallagher gets the hot tag. Gallagher mule kicks a charging TJP. Aries & Neville cancel each other out. Gallagher head butts TJP. Neville grabs Gallagher’s leg. Aries levels him with a Five Arm. Detonation Kick by TJP for the win.

Kurt Angle gives Bayley a Kendo Stick on a Pole match with Bliss at Extreme Rules. When was the last “On a Pole” match in the WWE?

Finn Balor and Roman Reigns have their match. The announcers are doing a good job of giving Balor credibility despite the size advantage. Reigns shows off the power punching. Balor dodges a charge and Reigns hits the post hard. Balor tosses Reigns outside. Balor Side Front Kicks Reigns off the apron. Reigns rams Balor back first into the post. Drive By that slams Balor into the post. Reigns clohtes lines Balor in the corner. Sit Down Power Bomb on Balor gets two. Balor kicks Reigns in the rib to stop a Superman Punch. Some reversals result in a double stomp on Reigns. Superman Punch out when Balor charges. Balor kicks out because Reigns was draped on him. Reigns sets up for the spear. Balor kicks him. Drop kick in the corner. Reigns gets to the top rope before Balor can go for the Coup de Grace. Spear for the win by Reigns. Very enjoyable match.

Bray Wyatt talks about this being his world. He also tells Seth Rollins to run. Rollins tells us that because he slayed the King, he can slay The Beast.

I forgot about the Goldust & R Truth heart to heart. They’re in the ring. My review is no different now than it would have been then. Goldust attacks Truth from behind. A weak “Thank you Goldust” chant breaks out. That’s the most anyone except for the ref.

Enzo Amore & Big Cass come out to a big reaction. Titus O’Neil & Apollo Crews come out. O’Neil insults Enzo & Cass then NJ. O’Neil dances like Enzo in the ring. Cass tells O’Neil that they have a match against each other. O’Neil isn’t going to because of his suit, which is slick. Cass gives O’Neil a big Boot for the quick win.

Neville & TJP are going to take out Aries on 205 Live tomorrow.

Bray Wyatt comes out for his match. Seth Rollins makes it to the ring much quicker. Another dive to the outside. Rollins rams Wyatt into the barricade. Wyatt gives Rollins a urinogi onto the apron. Middle rope superplex for Wyatt on Rollins. Wyatt works over the back. Rollins gets caught with an uppercut charging Wyatt. Block Buster but it can’t be capitalized on. Sling Blade follwed by a Downward Spiral into the turn buckles. Suicide dive connects for Rollins. Spring board clothes line for Rollins. Wyatt clothes lines a charging Rollins. Urinogi for a two count. Rollins rolls out of Sister Abigail. Falcon Arrow for a two count. They battle on the outside. Samoa Joe attacks Rollins, which gives Rollions the DQ win. Samoa Joe & Bray Wyatt teamed to get rid of Rollins. Wyatt Sister Abigails Joe. He does the same on Rollins. Easy & Effective. – Kevin DiFrango

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