Almost Live, Definitely Half Assed Review of WWE Raw – 8 May ’17

City Hall in London designed by Norman Foster & Partners. Saved from

The WWE starts off this taped edition from London with Dean Ambrose who is back stage. He answers a call from Kurt Angle. He has an announcement to make. Ambrose informs us that he’s the GM for the night. The Miz & Maryse come out to spoil the fun. He got a call from Stephanie McMahon. He is Co-Acting Manager. Ambrose seems open to working with the Miz for the night but is going to whip him at Extreme Rules. The Miz brags about beating Seth Rollins & Finn Balor. The Miz hits every note in the heel hand book really well. Braun Strowman comes out in a sling. As long as Roman Reigns can walk, Strowman isn’t done with him. When his arm heals, he’s going to take out Reigns once and for all. Strowman says that Brock Lesnar is after he’s done with Reigns. Kalisto comes out. I didn’t recognize his music. That’s not a good thing. He’s not done with Strowman. He requests a rematch against Strowman. Braun says that he could beat Kalisto one armed. Ambrose makes the match. Ambrose then puts Miz in a match with Finn Balor.

These shows are easy to go through at least. The opening segment moved right along. Let’s see if it continues to hold to pattern. Finn keeps the upper hand through a commercial. The Miz uses the old, run around the ring from the heel hand book to gain the upper hand. The Over Head Kick turns it for Balor. He kicks Miz off the top rope. Running punt off the apron. Maryse jumps on the apron which draws the attention of the ref. The Miz shoves the Balor into the ref. The Miz then calls for the DQ. It sounds like an official result for quite a while. Ambrose reappears and restarts the match with No DQ and bans Maryse from ring side. Balor wastes little time though. Sling Blade. Drop Kick into the Corner. Coup De Grace for the win.

Alexa Bliss is back stage and Nia Jax is towering over her. If Bliss meant what she said last week, Jax should get a match against her. Jax says that until the match happens, she will be Bliss’s best friend. Mickie James comes to the ring with Bayley. James has the upper hand early. Bliss is working over Mickie’s shoulder. Mickie flap jacks Bliss to get an opening. Jax interferes. Bayley cross bodies Jax off the stairs. Bliss cracks James off the top rope. She covers her for the win. Strange finish. Bayley chases off Bliss. Jax takes out her anger on James.

Dean Ambrose tries to get Miz to take off the night. Miz finally smartens up and puts Ambrose in a match against Bray Wyatt.

Samoa Joe is not done with Seth Rollins. He’s going to make all of his bones pop. Rollins starts a brawl.

Braun Strowman and Kalisto have their match. Strowman says he won’t take the match and starts to walk away. The bell rings. Strowman whirls around and boots Kalisto in the face. Strowman is beating down Kalisto more when Roman Reigns music hits. He delays his appearance. It takes three Superman Punches to get Strowman down. Reigns charges Strowman and gets a boot up. Reigns dodges Strowman who shoulders the post. Reigns starts working over the shoulder. Reigns starts whacking Strowman with a chair. Strowman finally retreats.

Goldust gives R Truth a pep talk. They want to turn the clock back like the Hardyz.

Enzo Amore & Big Cass do their thing. Cesaro & Sheamus is the other team to start this tag team turmoil match. Enzo almost gets out of his beat down with an enziguri. Sheamus pulled Cass off the apron. Sharpshooter on Enzo in the middle of the ring. Enzo taps out. Heath Slater & Rhyno come out next. They get assault by Cesaro & Sheamus before they even get in the ring. Slater gets tossed back in the ring and beat down. Cesaro & Sheamus keep Rhyno out of the match. Brogue Kick for the win. Karl Anderson & Luke Gallows are up next. Cesaro turns it around on Gallows. Sheamus eats a super kick. Anderson tags in but gets clocked. Gallows boots Sheamus. He gets taken out by Cesaro. Anderson spin busters Cesaro. White Noise on Gallows for a two count. Cesaro clothes lines Anderson over the top rope. Brogue Kick on Gallows for the win. Goldust & R Truth are the last ones out. They get the upper hand quickly. Cesaro tags in and drop Goldust’s shin over the barricade. Cesaro continues to work it over. Sharpshooter again. Truth clocks Cesaro from behind. Truth gets a hot tag. I’m pretty sure I haven’t typed that before. It’s been a while if I have. Cesaro dodges a charge. Cesaro rolls up Truth for the win. They beat up Golden Truth. The Hardyz come out. Nothing happens.

Seth Rollins and Samoa Joe have a match. They are really teeing off on each other in a hard hitting, back and forth affair. Joe has control after a break. Joe starts taunting the crowd. Rollins gives Joe a jaw jacker. Rollins hits a pair of suicide dives. Joe power slams Rollins to turn the tide again. Rollins powers up Joe for a Falcon Arrow. Rollins pulls off a turn buckle. Side Kick gets Rollins a two count. Rollins runs into the uncovered turn buckle. The referee tells Joe not to use the turn buckle. Joe does it any way so he gets DQed. Joe rams him off the uncovered corner again. Kokina Clutch then he stands over Rollins.

Neville is on the announce desk. Jack Gallagher is taking on TJ Perkins. Perkins dicks around. Gallagher head butts Perkins for a close two count. The bickering in the announce booth is more important than what is happening in the ring. Gallagher rolls up Perkins. He reverses the move and grabs the tights for the win. Perkins chop blocks Gallagher after the match. He locks in the knee bar. Austin Aries makes the save.

Sasha Banks and Alicia Fox have a match. I don’r remember them being at each other throats last week. The crowd is entertaining itself. Who would have thought during a Banks match that this would happen? Double Knees by Banks for the win.

Dean Ambrose takes on Bray Wyatt. Yet again, the announce booth is more important than the in ring action. The Miz is killing as usual. Thankfully, Wyatt clothes lines Ambrose before he can throw the Lunatic Lariat. Ambrose double axe handles Wyatt on the outside. The Miz & Maryse go down to ring side. Ambrose reverses Sister Abigail. Urinogi by Wyatt on Ambrose. Wyatt upper cuts Ambrose which launchs him into the Lunatic Lariat. The Miz grabs the Intercontinental Title. Ambrose suicide dives onto The Miz. Ambrose tosses Wyatt. The Miz cracks Ambrose from behind with the Title. Sister Abigail for the win. The Miz announces Wyatt as the winner. Beat up a downed opponent. Heel 101. He’s going to win next week. So Miz loses next week since he has the upper hand now? – Kevin DiFrango

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