Almost Live, Definitely Half Assed Review of WWE Raw

From lastyearsgirl.pixlet.net

From lastyearsgirl.pixlet.net

We start off the post Wrestlemania show with Brock Lesnar and Paul Heyman. He has a great description of the action, including Seth Rollins. Brock doesn’t want to tie up the WWE in court. Brock wants to invoke his rematch clause tonight. Stephanie has the answer for The Authority. Rollins had to fly to New York like Brock would have. It’ll happen later tonight. Somehow, even with Heyman’s reassurance, I feel like the rug is going to get pulled out from under me. (Next Day Note: I’m glad I wasn’t looking forward to this match.)

Daniel Bryan is defending the Intercontinental Title against Dolph Ziggler. Bad News Barrett is on the head set. Ziggler does a little too much selling going into the break and over shots Bryan. They continued to have a good match while I talked to The Lady. Bryan wins it with a running knee. (Next Day Note: I’m not sure why this wasn’t stretched out longer. Maybe it’s that face vs face problem.) Barrett attacks after the match. Sheamus appears to make the save but attacks Bryan & Ziggler. The internet is pleased that Sheamus is now a heel. (Next Day Note: I didn’t note Sheamus’s changed appearance. The crowd certainly did with their “You look stupid” chant.)

The Ascension is teaming with Cesaro & Tyson Kidd against the Lucha Dragons and Kofi Kingston & Big E. Calisto impresses with as JBL dubs it a Lucha version of the spinaroonie. Connor is wearing down Sin Cara as we go to break. He’s still taking a beating but from Cesaro & Kidd when we return. Kofi gets the tag as the crowd chants “New, Day sucks.” Victor tags himself in and Kofi almost pins him. Calisto gets the real hot tag. Everyone gets to hit a spot. Marina Del Sol on Victor for the win. Why not have a straight up tag match to hype the Lucha Dragons? (Next Day Note: The Ascension is a joke already. New Day is clearly a joke to many. Just hype the new guys.)

It appears as if this Brock Lesnar vs Seth Rollins match is going to happens. Lilian Garcia even does formal introductions. Rollins then grabs the mic and says that he’s feeling jet lagged. His foot hurts from Curb Stomping them. Rollins plays the chicken and keeps dodging his attacks. J&J Security ends up taking a double clothes line to allow Rollins to escape. Brock tosses the ring side area including pinning JBL & Booker behind the announce desk. Michael Cole ends up taking an F5. Brock then threatens to do the same to a camera man. Stephanie tries to intervene but to no avail. Brock F5s him. Steph suspends Brock indefinitely. There’s only so many ways to keep an unstoppable winning machine from winning so they need to be deployed often.

Renee Young wonders when Brock Lesnar is going to get his rematch. Steph is going to fine him then turn Brock’s contract status with the WWE against him. Lesnar’s ass is hers.

Byron Saxton is on the head set by himself. Jerry Lawler, Corey Graves or Albert weren’t available? King called Wrestlemania for pete’s sake. Damien Mizdow hasn’t gone back to his regular name. Stardust is his opponent. Mizdow is continuing to get cheers for doing someone else’s move set. Mizdow got in the early offense with Stardust capturing the middle of the match. Skull Crushing Finale for the win. The Miz attacks after the match. He gave Mizdow everything.

The Road to Axe-treme Rules starts now. Curtis Axel has his spot on the roster locked down. (Adrian) Neville is making his debut on Raw. He does a moonsault to start. Neville uses his speed to dazzle. He is looking damn sharp. Red Arrow (Shooting star with a twist) for the win. It’s an impressive move.

John Cena comes out for his open challenge. You are not dressed like Johnny Cash my good sir. All in black. Not black with bold colors on a third of your outfit. Dean Ambrose ends up accepting the challenge. Weird. Ambrose shoves off Cena. Not much happens before the break. Jerry Lawler comes out to save a drowning Saxton. Ambrose kicks Cena when he can’t be seen. Ambrose wriggles out of an STF chance. Ambrose nails the sling shot clothes line. Tornado DDT only gets Ambrose a two count. Ambrose elbows Cena from the top rope to the outside. AA by Cena only gets a two. Ambrose gets to the ropes when he’s in the STF. Ambrose turns another AA into his own STF. Dirty Deeds by Ambrose. Cena kicks out. Cena rolls thru a cross body. Cena nails the 2nd AA for the win. Ambrose looked really good. Renee Young asks Seth Rollins. He tells us Brock Lesnar’s action are reprehensible. Rollins earned the right to cash in at the time he did. Randy Orton tells about the layered problem Rollins has for his belt. Big Show & Kane pop in. Rollins challenges him to a six man tag match later tonight.

AJ Lee, Paige and Naomi are taking on the Bellas & Natalya. Naomi & Nattie battle at the start of the match. It’s nice of them to do the heavy lifting since they had last night off. Brie is the first of the sisters in. Paige gets her time in the ring. Paige tackles “The Bella” as Lawler calls her outside the ring. AJ is in the ring with Nattie. She gets to do some selling too. AJ starts to over power Nikki which is silly. Nikki slams her down similar to a spine buster. Nikki starts stretching out AJ. Lee slaps on a sleeper. AJ kicks her off in the corner. Naomi gets the hot tag. Alabama Slam by Nikki on Naomi. Nikki ends up clocking Brie. Naomi takes advantage and hit the Rear View for the win. Ryback is one of Orton’s partners.

Rusev is taking on Goldust. Wouldn’t the announcers have known earlier he was slated for action? The other set acted like he’d accept Cena’s challenge. The Accolade in fairly short order to re-establish his dominance.

Seth Rollins, Kane & The Big Show come out first. It appears as if Ryback & Randy Orton will be doing this alone when Roman Reigns music hits. Kane starts against Ryback. The faces toss the heels out for our first break. Orton and Kane are in the ring now. Orton gets to sell. I’m fried from six man matches. This Raw isn’t as bad as the one before it, but it can be pretty bland because of the big night before. I’d guess that’s why the crowd is doing a wave. Reigns finally gets a hot tag. The crowd boos him. Honestly, he should even get respect from you idiots after that effort last night. He sold like a champ. Spot where everyone hits their finisher. RKO on Kane. Spear by Reigns for the win. Gotta rebuild him. – Kevin

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