Almost Live, Definitely Half Assed Review of WWE Raw – 20 Feb. ’17

The Cathedral of Our Lady of Angels in Los Angeles was designed by Rafael Moneo. Saved from

The WWE starts us off with a review of the Festival of Friendship. The painting really should have been The Creation of Jericho since Owens’s head was on God and Jericho’s was on Adam. Kevin Owens is already in the ring when he is announced. He has the spot light on him just like it should have been a long time ago. Owens wasn’t impressed by Goldberg. Lesnar got surprised by Goldberg but he won’t be. Owens doesn’t need to beat him, he just need to out last him. Owens is going to make sure the match is longer than ninety seconds. Owens is going to show Goldberg and his family that super heroes don’t exist. He finishes by telling Goldberg that he is nothing. Owens then doesn’t address Chris Jericho.

Cesaro & Sheamus are taking on Enzo Amore & Big Cass for the right to face Anderson & Gallows at Fastlane. Big Cass has to start the match because Enzo can’t even take a beating now. Cesaro pays him back from last week with a giant European Uppercut on the outside. Enzo is getting a chance to sell now. Cesaro clocks him with another Uppercut when Enzo leaps for a tag. Enzo drop toe hold Cesaro into the turn buckle. Sheamus & Cass collide. Cesaro gets back in quickly though. He has a hot run against an unknowing Cass. East River Crossing side slam for the win. That almost came out of nowhere. Enzo starts bragging at ring side when Sheamus boots him in the jaw. That looked rough.

We get a Bayley video package. Charlotte wants Bayley to relinquish the Championship because of the way it was won.

Roman Reigns interrupts Mick Foley so that we can have a segment to remind us when Fastlane is and to set up a match for Reigns against Karl Anderson & Luke Gallows.

Brian Kendrick is ready to have a match with Akira Tozawa. Kendrick tries to get Tozawa to shake his hand. When Tozawa refuses, Kendrick attacks. Kendrick destroys Tozawa. The beating ends with an extended Captain’s Hook. Kendrick doesn’t want to be disrespected. He warns us that is just the first lesson.

Reigns has his match with Anderson & Gallows. The beat down starts when Anderson has the ref distracted. Gallows boots Reigns to gain the upper hand. Reigns gains a measure of control by slipping out of the Boot of Doom. Gallows tries to introduce a chair but Reigns gets him to cough it up. Reigns attacks with the chair for the DQ. Reigns Superman Punches a charging Gallows then Spears Gallows who jumped off the top rope. Not a fan of that happening since they had re-asserted control after the chair attack.

New Day will be hosting Wrestlemania because people still love them but they have nowhere to go in the ring. Lana is in the ring. Aren’t we supposed to like the Russians these days? She introduces Rusev & Jinder Mahal. Xavier Woods gets to shill a bunch of video game things because he has cross over popularity. Kofi Kingston is next up. They put the recipe for their ice cream on an iPad. Lana then recites some of the ingredients. Big E gets to accuse her of hacking the information. Hilarious. The guys have a show down then New Day tries to get the plans back from Lana. Rusev is beating down Kofi. Tornado DDT by Kofi gets him an opening. Big E goes to town on Mahal. Rusev side kicks Big E in the face. Kofi tosses Rusev outside then back dives onto him. Woods ends up scaring Lana with Francesca. She tosses her iPad in the air. Woods destroys it like that matters. I’m sure Lana doesn’t only have it saved on the device itself. Lana acts like the recipe is only saved on there though. Midnight Hour for the win.

George “The Animal” Steele was the only wrestling legend to die this past week according to the WWE. Great video package as always.

Austin Aries is in the ring with Jack Gallagher for a contract signing with Neville. Though Gallagher throws some insults Neville’s way, Neville comes in signs the contract and starts to leave. Neville thinks that Gallagher is embarrassing because that’s what Americans think of the English. Neville tells Gallagher that he’s a stereotype. The WWE is laughing at Gallagher, not with him. Gallagher is true to himself. Neville starts to taunt Gallagher. He responds with ahead butt to the jaw.

Nia Jax gets to squash Sarah Pearce. Samoan Drop for the win. Charlie really starts the four way match for Wrestlemania by interviewing Jax in the ring. She’s putting the Champion on notice.

Bayley comes out to answer Charlotte. After Bayley tells a terrible story about calling her dad, Stephanie McMahon comes out to run her down too. Sasha Banks shows up. Stephanie gets to turn her ire at Banks. Sasha calls Stephanie trash. Banks tells Bayley not to give up the WWE Raw’s Championship. Bayley steps in and sounds like she’s going to give up the Title then says Hell No and going sort of character. She’s going to defend the Championship anywhere she goes. Charlotte finally shows up and sides with Stephanie. Charlotte invokes her rematch at Fastlane. Banks challenges Charlotte to a match tonight. Poor Michael Cole has to describe this as a renewal of the Banks vs Charlotte rivalry. They’ve been away from each other for all of two months. Bayley makes it a point to say that Charlotte & Stephanie were trying to get into her head and she couldn’t bite. Charlotte controls the action. She has been working over the knee and neck. Sasha starts battling back. A Big Bulldog only gets a two count. Dana Brooke comes out to help. Bayley attacks her. Banks locks in The Bank Statement for the win. That match was entirely too short for how their feud went.

Diamond Dallas Page is being inducted into the WWE Hall of Fame. Good for him. The WWE could stop there for inductions. I doubt they will.

Sami Zayn is not happy that Owens turned on Jericho even though he warned him five months ago. Zayn is reminded of Samoa Joe. They’re doing everything in the name of HHH. Zayn knows that their time will come. Joe ends up attacking Zayn as he comes to the ring. He bounces Zayn off the ring post three times. He sentons Zayn then tosses him back in the ring. Zayn is an idiot and tells the ref to start the match. Pop Up Power Bomb for the win. What is the message to Goldberg exactly? That Samoa Joe is going to attack him from behind before his match with Owens at Fastlane?

Stephanie and Mick Foley have a show down. She doesn’t want him to mock her. He doesn’t want to be treated as a child. She threatens Foley in a veiled way.

Michael Cole has a sit down interview with Brock Lesnar. Cole oversteps his bounds so Paul Heyman takes over the interview. Lesnar grabs a chair and stares a hole in the camera. Lesnar doesn’t believe in Owens but Heyman believes in Owens. Brock is ready to win the WWE Championship at Wrestlemania.

Braun Strowman comes out to fight Big Show in the main event. The WWE has a nice touch of having people working on the ring to “reinforce it.” Strowman nip ups. Umm, is there something Strowman can’t do? Strowman works a head lock. He then nearly takes out Show with a clothes line. Show goes down again after a big boot. Big Show grabs Strowman charging. Strowman turns it into a DDT because Show wastes time. Strowman goes for a suplex but Show reverses it. Strowman runs into a pair of boots. Big Show shoulder tackles Strowman. Big Show choke slams Strowman but he kicks out. Big Show shoves Strowman into the corner. He puts Strowman on the top rope. Strowman fights out but gets KO punched as he jumps off. Strowman kicks out again. Strowman was supposed to catch Big Show but ends up having to muscle him up which is way more impressive. Power Slam only gets a two count. Strowman powers him back up and power slams him again for the win. Reigns comes down and attacks. Reigns connects with a pair of Superman Punches. Strowman drop kicks a charging Reigns. Strowman power slams him too. – Kevin DiFrango

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