According to Matt Hardy’s Twitter account, Matt Hardy just got over a bout of food poisoning. In an effort to figure out why the Social Media Superstar felt the need to throw up the Fat Signal and alert the whole god damn world about his poor wittle tummy, I checked Gerweck.net for TNA Impact Wrestling spoilers, and sure enough, ol’ Cold Blood Hardy was nowhere to be found for this week’s tapings or next week’s show. So of course he thinks that when a Hardy brother can’t make a TV taping, people assume something’s wrong. Oh…

After having a terrible case of food poisoning, I’m beginning to feel normal again. Hope u all are well-everything happens for a reason..

Yes, and in your case, the reason is because you eat every fucking thing in sight. I know food poisoning can happen to a lot of people for various reasons, but if you eat nonstop, you increase the risk, especially when you try to finish that 6-foot party sub you found behind the radiator and then wash it down with Shane Helms’ Cracker Barrel leftovers without telling him. Jesus Christ, it’s not like you’re Pac-Man, where you have no other choice but to eat everything in front of you. Put the fork down, find your brother in the backyard, and go for a jog. -Eric