Almost Live, Definitely Half Assed Review of #WWE #Raw

From Now who's going to inform this gentleman that Milhouse is spelled with 1 L?

From Now who’s going to inform this gentleman that Milhouse is spelled with 1 L?

The Pirates & Steelers both came up with big wins yesterday. The Pirates are up 1-0 right now. The dogs are both crashed out. Everything is coming up Milhouse for me to finish this edition of Raw on time and maybe get some sleep tonight. Let’s roll.

After showing still shots of the main event cluster fuck, Dean Ambrose kicks off the show. He gets to sell his venom for Seth Rollins. John Cena wants to kick Rollins’s ass first. The exchange was pretty fun. HHH, Stephanie, Kane, Randy Orton & Seth Rollins come out to the stage. HHH informs them that neither will get Rollins tonight. Cena goes after them and Ambrose joins him. What is Michael Cole wearing? Rollins steals a car to get away. Ambrose & Cena have something of a stare down.

Randy Orton, Kane, HHH and Steph have a pow wow. Kane gets Dean Ambrose. Orton gets Cena. Both are pretty pissed at Rollins. Seriously, what’s with Cole’s suit? This was a hash tag an hour ago, right? The Miz & Damien Mizdow come down for their IC Title defense. Dolph Ziggler comes down by himself. The first big move of the match is Ziggler kicking Miz into a post shoulder first. Ziggler gets over aggressive and Miz catches him with a boot to the grill and neck breaker. Commercial. The Miz hits the corner clothesline in what seems like forever. Drop kick buys Ziggler time. Ziggler hits the big DDT. Ziggler catches Miz charging with a back elbow. The Miz turns a rope dive from Ziggler into a Figure Four. Ziggler clotheslines both the Miz & Mizdow. Ziggler kicks out of the Skull Crushing Finale. Ziggler nails a Fame Asser but Miz kicks out. Ziggler super kicks Mizdow. The Miz rolls up Ziggler and again grabs the tights. Ziggler reverses it and holds the tights for the win. JBL and Cole bicker about the flopping in cheers for tights holding.

Bo Dallas is taking on Jack Swagger again. JBL is still steaming about Swagger’s loss to Rusev. Please stop this dumb angle. I’m begging you. Swagger is all over Dallas. Bo turns it away with a kick to the gut and a swinging neck breaker. Swagger wins with the Patriot Lock. Zeb Colter gets to talk trash to Dallas. What is the WWE doing with Dallas? (Next Day Note: I’m no closer to an answer to this question.)

Something happened on Total Divas. I didn’t watch because I was watching Night of Champions for $9.99. Or do they expect you to be so engrossed in that show you watch it after the PPV? Natalya is taking on Summer Rae. Natalya gets less likeable by the episode of Total Divas. I only needed to see that snippet to know it. Natalya locks in the Sharp Shooter for the win. (Next Day Note: The funny thing about the Natalya situation is the fact that the WWE is keeping her as a baby face. She comes off too sensitive, too naive and too privileged with the name she inherited.)

Rosa loves selfies and I love her for it.

Rosa loves selfies and I love her for it.

Dean Ambrose and Kane got the 9:00 match time. Ambrose gets off to a hot start. A suicide dive is hit by Ambrose. Kane boots Ambrose in the face then tosses him into the steps. Kane starts working over the shoulder. Ambrose plants Kane with a DDT when he goes for a back drop. Ambrose nails the sling shot clothes line. Seriously, why doesn’t that have a name? Ambrose hits Dirty Deeds. Seth Rollins interferes and costs Kane the match. Kane choke slams Ambrose. Rollins goes back to the ring but then back out. Michael Cole defends his position well explaining the differences in situations. The only thing he forgot to remember was that Rollins made an open challenge to boot.

HHH is talking to Kane & Rollins when Ambrose attacks. Stephanie is smart enough to lock Ambrose in a room.

The Usos & Sheamus are taking on The Dust Brothers & Cesaro. Goldust starts against Jey Uso. Stardust gets to take over. Cesaro tags himself in. He requests Sheamus and gets him. Cesaro tags out to Goldust. Sheamus turns things around. Jimmy comes in. Stardust gets the upper hand on Jimmy. Every time I go to type which way the tide is going, another person enters to switch the momentum. Sheamus seemingly gets the hot tag against Stardust. Ten Beats of the Bodhran has a name but Ambrose’s sling shot clothes line doesn’t? One small piece of marketing you need to take care of Dean. Cesaro breaks the momentum. Cesaro talking trash to Sheamus while he has him in a submission. Sheamus is getting worked over. Jey and Goldust come in. Jey super neck drops Goldust. Cesaro breaks up a pin fall. Jimmy super kicks Cesaro. Double over top rope dive costs Jimmy. Goldust counters the Superfly Splash. Sheamus makes the save. Jey hits the Splash for the win. All of these guys are just pounding out good matches. When I read that the WWE doesn’t deliver in the ring, I scratch my head. Randy Orton is approached by Seth Rollins. Seth expresses his appreciation and tells him there will be a present for him at ring side along with him & Kane being at ring side. I can’t tell the difference in the graphics for this video game. It might help if I played them.

Finding out that the Pirates won is way more exciting than Mark Henry or Lana which eventually led to Rusev and him getting another match. Rusev is working over Henry pretty well to start the match. The announcers are selling Henry’s injuries. Rusev has been working over the shoulder. Henry rails with clotheslines and a splash. Henry slams Rusev. Henry sells a back injury. Henry throws Rusev into the steps. Henry head butts Rusev JYD style. Henry gets pulled down going for a splash. The announcers continue to sell as the crowd sits on it’s hands. Rusev puts on The Accolade. Rusev makes terrible faces as Henry passes out. (Next Day Note: The Lady came upstairs as this segment was on and says “They’re still doing this stupid angle?” Followed by “No one wants to watch this for three hours.” Yep.)

Adam RoseThe Bunny are taking on Slater & Gator. Rose starts against O’Neil. Slater starts working over Rose. The commentary is chalk full of bad rabbit puns. The Bunny dodges a blow which gives Rose an opening. The Bunny goes hot tag on Slater. The Bunny with a spinning back kick. Party Foul by Rose for the win. (Next Day Note: My younger brother tuned into Raw for five minutes and saw this segment then turned it back off. I have no idea why a 35 year old man would turn it off. At least the WWE is pulling in the younger demo.)

Cute bunnies from

Cute bunnies from

Nikki Bella comes out to talk more. She whines about Brie not supporting her. Brie’s words cost her the match. This feud has been weird to say the least. Brie Bella comes down. Nikki wants Brie to give up her name. Nikki insults Daniel Bryan when Brie finally snaps. Thank goodness, Brie finally gets a brain. AJ Lee comes out. (Next Day Note: The Lady has already ceased watching Don’t Be Tardy, one of her favorite reality shows after about a month of viewing again. It’s far more entertaining than Total Divas. What chance to Brie & Nikki stand?)

Paige is on the head set when we get back. She is looking extra hot tonight. AJ Lee is in control until Nikki fires out of the corner with a clothes line. Nikki tosses AJ into Paige. Nikki rag dolls AJ in a sleeper. Nikki takes her time and only gets a two count. Nikki goes for an arm bar. AJ locks her hands to get out of it. Nikki Alabama Slams AJ. Still only two. Nikki misses a corner charge. AJ locks in the Black Widow for the tap out win. Paige stares her down. The WWE shills the Network more. They are putting content on there so at least they recognize the ads are obnoxious but are showing the improvements.

Next Day Note: So I’m working on updates when I realize I didn’t save the part where I talked about the John Cena vs Randy Orton match. Whoops. It’s possible it’s still on my lap top at home. Everyone expected Dean Ambrose to pull a Houdini and help out John Cena so who cares about the main even brawl in the big picture? It helped move story lines along. I will be bored to tears on Smackdown though when Steph berates a bunch of security guards who let Ambrose out. I won’t feel bad for them letting a man out of a locked room nor will I feel bad if no one checked to see if there was another way out. You were paid to do a job you failed at. – Kevin

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