Almost Live, Definitely Half Assed Review of WWE Raw – 23 May ’16

The Baltimore National Aquarium designed by Peter Cermayeff of Cambridge Seven Associates. Saved from

The Baltimore National Aquarium designed by Peter Cermayeff of Cambridge Seven Associates. Saved from

The WWE starts off with a video package of Roman Reigns beating AJ Styles which led to the return Seth Rollins. He was the one to start show. The WWE decides to remember history and get the fans to boo Rollins. He does so by stating how much they booed him and that he’s still out for himself. Interesting yet unsurprising tack from the WWE. Roman Reigns comes down to confront Rollins who backs out of the ring once Reigns enters. Shane McMahon comes out to set the match for Money In The Bank. They list the matches for qualifying for Money In The Bank, some of which look to be very good matches. I’m sure there will be some grumbling about Styles facing off against Kevin Owens.

Sheamus runs down Sami Zayn. He mocks his name and style. He ends serious by saying what he’ll do to Zayn won’t be for all viewers. This match is for a spot in the Money In The Bank match. Zayn got in some early spots. Sheamus took over before the break. After an extended beat down, Zayn fired back with a huge clothesline. Sheamus dropped Zayn on the top rope when he went for a spring board arm drag. Sheamus catches Zayn charging. Zayn fires back with a Helluva Kick for the win. I thought Sheamus was going to win. Sheamus has a freak out after the match.

Sheamus attacks Apollo Crews as he talks about his qualifying match against a battered Chris Jericho. I guess both of them will be banged up.

New Day comes out for a match. But Xavier Woods gets the mic first. Kofi Kingston tells us that Raw is 1200 episodes old. As Big E fakes throwing the cake in people’s faces, The Social Outcasts who really could benefit from Rose’s absence. I think they can work better as a trio and their personalities are closer.

New Day is beating down Heath Slater. By the way, don’t get me wrong, The Outcasts will never be a great tag team but it helps to even have a . As they go on a victory lap, Woods nails with a Tope Con Helio Bo Dallas &  Curtis Axel after Slater collapses. Super Big Ending for the decisive win. Slater ends getting thrown into the cake.

Maryse introduces The Miz. He brags about how he’s been on a winning streak since she joined his side. Miz also brags about winning last night in Extreme Rules match that was highly talked about. He’s an underdog story. Cesaro comes out before Miz & Marsye can kiss. I’m guessing Cesaro gets his win back tonight. Not a bad present if he gets picked to win MITB. Upper Cut Train early in the match. Maryse pulls Miz out of the ring. Cesaro hits a cannon ball on Miz. Cesaro gives  Miz a delayed, repowered suplex. Dang man, even with help that’s some serious work. The Miz is working over Cesaro’s shoulder after the break. The Miz nails the dive thru clothesline. He goes to the top only to get drop kicked off by Cesaro. He follows up on the outside with a running European Uppercut. Cearo can’t do the swing because of the injured shoulder. Miz drops the bad shoulder over the top rope. The Miz goes to the top again and this time gets caught with an uppercut. Gotch Neutralizer for the victory.

Seth Rollins gets to brag about pulling off the best MITB cash in. Stephanie McMahon talks to Rollins about a changed business relationship. They shake hands and Steph leaves. Interesting but good. Rollins depending on the Authority was old.

Apollo Crews is set to take on Chris Jericho. They showed the attack back stage but Crews wasn’t selling anything coming to the ring. Crews attacks Jericho’s patches. Jericho takes advantage of a ref break. Crews starts a come back after an uneventful beat down. Crews ducks a spring board attempt and Jericho crashes on the floor. Crews power slams Jericho back in the ring. Jericho rolls thru a Push Up Power Bomb into a Walls of Jericho. Crews ends up reaching the ropes. Crew catches Jericho charging but only gets a two count. Lionsault by Jericho while Crews kips up. That looked rough. Yikes. Jericho goes for the Walls again. Crew reserves into a small package. Jericho kicks out and gives him a Code Breaker for the win. Jericho needed a win again. Crews seems set for a program with Sheamus any way. Sheamus laughs at Renee Young.

Coach Bob Backlund wants the presidents recited in order. At least they got rid of the Goldust and R Truth segments, right? Darren Young does 200 jumping jacks because he said damn.

Good to know I misheard the result of Baron Corbin vs Dolph Ziggler last night. Corbin gave him a ball shot because he could. Dolph Ziggler arrives and is pissed about the way Corbin did it. Corbin accepts Ziggler’s challenge of a technical wrestling match. Ziggler promises to steal the show later tonight.

Big Cass comes out and introduces Enzo Amore, who accidentally drops his mic off the stage he’s so amped up. He tells some bad jokes with plenty of conviction. Amore tells the Dudley Boyz that they have been out of line since he was out.

Big Cass is taking on Bubba Ray in a singles match. Big Cass is tkaing it to Bubba until Devon knocks down Enzo at ring side. That advantage doesn’t last for long. Bubba goes outside after a corner splash. Devon looks like he’s going to interfere, Enzo clotheslines him. Bubba goes to the top, Big Cass throws him off of it. Cass follows it up with a big boot. Empire Elbow for the victory.

Ric Flair stumbles on a basic promo. Maybe he is stumbling because he has to compare Dana Brooke to Arn Anderson. Brooke acts like teacher’s pet. The crowd “What’s?!?!?” Charlotte now understands why Flair skipped Thanksgiving because of the power the championship brings. She then orders Flair out of the ring. She then berates him. Maybe that was why he was stumbling too. Sometimes the truth doesn’t work well. We were just booing Flair.

Dean Ambrose is taking on Dolph Ziggler in an odd match up of baby faces. For some reason, the announcers are forbidden from mentioning Damien Sandow and John Cena as the only ones not to cash in properly. The later because of a DQ finish. Fame Asser for a close call. The match has been a slow build before then. They collide going for a cross body. Ziggler super kicks Ambrose who comes off the ropes with the Lunatic Lariat. Ziggler drop kicks Ambrose coming off the top ropes. Ambrose held onto the ropes when Ziggler attempted a Zig Zag. Dirty Deeds for the win. My guess was that Baron Corbin would cost Ziggler. I guess he can just mock him for losing.

Arn Anderson hugs Ric Flair. Renee Young asks if he wants to respond. He just leaves.

AJ Styles tells us that Roman Reigns is every bit the man he says he is. Reigns still isn’t phenomenal. He has a brand new chance tonight. He partially blamed Karl Anderson & Luke Gallows. They call him out for it. Styles wants to go it alone. He wants to build a legacy here. According to Gallows, Styles wouldn’t have been at his spot at Extreme Rules if it weren’t for them. Styles doesn’t want to break up The Club but he does so any way.

AJ Styles awaits Kevin Owens. Owens eats a drop kick after trash talking him. Owens later connects with one of his own. Owens pretends to go aerial then rolls out of the ring and clotheslines Styles.  Owens talks trash to the announcers. Styles sling shots out of the ring with a fore arm. Owens then gets tossed into the steel steps. Michael Cole was told late about the break and barely throws it to commercial. Styles got dropped on the ring apron face first. Styles fires back in the ring. Styles face plants Owens who kicks out at two. Owens release German Suplexes him. Styles turns it back around with an enziguri. DVD into Neck breaker only gets Styles a two count. Owens returns with a cradle neck breaker for the same result. Styles catches Owens going to the top rope. Ownes fights out only to miss a moonsault. Styles connects with the spring board 450. Styles knees Owens in the face. Owens power bombs Styles onto the steps. Styles barely beats the 10 count. Owens super kicks the ropes when Styles goes for the Phenomenal Forearm. Pop Up Power Bomb for the win. – Kevin

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