Oh yes boys and girls its time to get that booty shaking and listen to another edition of The Stunt Granny Audio Show. Jeremy and Kevin are on the controls this week and they get a chance to talk some wrestling. The boys discuss last week’s episode of PWO Wrestling. What worked, what didn’t and what was really annoying? How cute is Veda Scott? No really, she is adorable. Oh yeah, the guys discuss her promo so this isn’t totally out of the blue. Honest. No really. (Veda, Kevin is single…wink, wink, call him no seriously direct message me @difrango11.) Um, anyway, they also dip their toes in the WWE pool and they discuss the imminent John Cena Heel Hilarity ™. They explain this one so don’t worry about it being a ten minute bashfest. So listen up as other things are bound to come up and it will all be worth your while.
Velvet Sky is the latest to steal this iconic design.
We get review from last week then a brawl between Jeff Hardy and Bully Ray. A brawl to start this show is almost as predictable as the WWE starting with a 10-15 minute yapfest. Jeff just used a short broom. Kind of like the short bus he took to school. Nice to know there’s a storage room with all of Abyss’s goodies in it. Naturally, Bobby Roode is the only person to pull up and see this brawl happening. James Storm‘s Spidey Sense must have been tingling to let him know that Jeff was in trouble. Sting must have Spidey Sense too. He shouldn’t be attacking anyone anymore.
Velvet Sky, Tara and Mickie James are in a three way dance for a title shot. I honestly thought Mickie earned that last week. We get a commercial before much of anything happens. Wow, Tara wins after using Velvet to nail Mickie with a side slam sandwich. That was surprising. They could have used to hype her more recently. Gail Kim brags for a bit. It’s just weird that she’s looking away from the camera. I was fine with the message.
We get a replay of the opener. I hate this quick of a replay no matter what league. Hardy looks to be in really good shape. Not sure he’s ever been this toned up. Sting calls out Roode & Bully Ray. They have a mini-brawl that Sting breaks up. I can handle that. Of course the imaginary line doesn’t work. They need to get better at teasing what might happen on the show unless it was announced the week before. Tag team tables match is our main event. Alex Shelley says that Zima Ion isn’t up to snuff yet. Alex is more polished but Zima will get there if he keeps working.
In an interview with NME.com, world champion pro wrestler and maybe-above-average bassist Hulk Hogan claims he was very nearly a member of the band Metallica. Read on, because this is rich:
The wrestler, who stars in his own reality TV series Hogan Knows Best, said that he used to be close mates with the metal titans’ drummer Lars Ulrich during his days as a session musician.
He told The Sun: “I used to be a session musician before I was a wrestler. I played bass guitar. I was big pals with Lars Ulrich and he asked me if I wanted to play bass with Metallica in their early days but it didn’t work out.”
I don’t even know what to think of this asshole anymore. And yes, that could apply to both Hogan and Ulrich. First of all, yes, Hulk Hogan is a bass player, so I’ll immediately concede that point. Second, this story has made its rounds for about a year now, but the legend of 14 Ultimate Warriors has been around since I was 10 years old. Now’s where I start poking holes in the story. One, Metallica was based out of Los Angeles, Calif., and formed in 1981. By this time, Hogan was already a fixture in the AWA, and even though he also wrestled for New Japan and could conceivably have had a home in L.A. for easy travel, I still call bullshit. Second, by the time we know for sure Hogan made it out to Hollywood – late 1981 or early 1982 – Metallica was basically established and not looking for a $14,000-per-movie touring pro wrestler like Hogan to play bass.
Third, and most importantly, Hulk Hogan is the type of guy who would sit in an empty room and paint a face on the side of his hand with lipstick and a permanent marker just to have someone to lie to. How heavy was Andre the Giant when Hogan pressed him over his head, brother? 850 pounds? And how many people did he do it in front of? 900 infinity million, dude? To call Hogan a “consummate bullshit artist” is an insult to consummate bullshit artists; this guy is the fucking Mad Libs of cockamamie. “Yeah, brother, I was supposed to (verb) with (proper noun), but an (adjective) (noun) wouldn’t let me/wouldn’t give me the (absurd dollar figure) he should have, dude!”
So anyway, I would take this news with a grain of salt big enough to send you into cardiac arrest. I won’t believe it until Lars Ulrich himself tells me, at which point I’ll be too busy slapping him for the awful quality of “St. Anger.” -Eric
It’s a very special edition of Stunt Granny Audio, as the Grandkids meet the Constellinos! Travis Bryant from the PWTorch East Coast Cast joins Eric Nelson from Stunt Granny to preview the 2012 WWE Royal Rumble. Travis won last year’s Stunt Granny Royal Rumble-themed game (sign up for the 2012 edition by leaving a comment here), and our lame-ass excuse for a prize was a guest spot on Stunt Granny Audio. Travis is awesome, though, so it’s an entertaining show full of questions like: Why didn’t WWE add a Royal Rumble page to their Web site until this Tuesday? Does John Cena really need a singles match? Does that mean his opponent, Kane, probably won’t be in the Rumble, either, even though the Rumble match itself is desperately short on legitimate title contenders? What St. Louis hometown favorite will probably return just in time to win? And how exactly will CM Punk get screwed in his match against Dolph Ziggler? All that and more!
Remember the time when we first met, and when we did that amazing game where you all signed up, then I picked numbers from 1 to 30 out of an Iowa Barnstormers fitted cap, and whoever had the number of the man who won the Royal Rumble match got bragging rights and a kick in the head just to see if it was better than a kick in the head? Well, Stunt Granny wants to share that fun with you again! For this game (which is totally not affiliated with WWE), all you need to do is leave a comment on this post saying you’re interested in playing. DEADLINE IS 2 P.M. CENTRAL, SUNDAY, JAN. 29.
At that time, Eric will randomly draw numbers from 1 to 30 in the order you signed up (don’t worry, the four of us won’t play, but Dan may, for “old time’s sake,” see, because he’s our nostalgia guy). Once Eric gets to the end of the list, he’ll start from the top again, making it first-come, first-served. So if 10 people sign up, everyone gets three numbers. If 29 people sign up, everyone gets one number, but the first person to sign up gets an extra number.
Last year’s winner, Travis Bryant, had the unfortunate luck to co-host a Stunt Granny Audio with Eric… 12 months after his win. Who knows what the 2012 prize will be! So sign up today, then order the 2011 WWE Royal Rumble (we’re totally not affiliated with WWE), and take a spot on the edge of your seat!
Injuries have taken a toll on the PWO roster. Find out below for who it is.
Joe Dombrowski and Aaron Maguire introduce the show. The main event is going to be Bobby Shields vs Johnny Gargano. Corey Winters takes on Bryan Castle too. The opener is going to be for the PWO TV Title with Jason Gory defending against Gregory Iron. The introductions took a while but Dombrowski & Maguire filled in the past between the opponents. Pedro De Lucca did formal introductions as always for a title bout. Gorey goes to the outside to start the match but Iron gave him a plancha to get things going. (The audio sounds a little off again.) An Irish Whip into one corner led to a bulldog out of the other corner. The crowd got a “Handicapped Hero” chant going. Iron got a two count on a roll up. Gorey turned it around by biting Iron’s forehead. Gorey chopped him in the corner. A suplex got Gorey a two count. Gorey launched himself into Iron’s midsection while he was in a corner. Gorey choked Iron on the middle rope then snapped his neck on it by sling shooting to the outside. Iron connected on a pair of clotheslines. Gorey gave Iron a boot to the face. Gorey got caught coming off the middle rope. Iron turned it into a neck breaker. A face buster by Iron looked similar to a Code Breaker. Iron tried to choke Gory with his shirt. The referee took it away from him. While the ref was distracted, Gorey clocked Iron with the TV Title. Gorey locked on the Anaconda Vice for the victory.
Analysis: Good match. You don’t want Iron winning at this point. Extend this feud out. I’m interested to see if Iron ends up going up the food chain to Krimson. Gorey is more suitable size wise and it’d help to take away the Dead Wrestling Society’s only gold. But taking out the leader since he took out your best friend has it’s merits too. Score: +1.
Aeroform (Louis Lynden & Flip Kendrick) celebrates their win as tag team champions. Michael “The Bomber” Facade is in the back ground. Louis Lynden starts the victory speech. He notes that the Sons of Michigan are no more. Lynden says it is Facade’s time to get single’s gold. He said that he’s let the PWO TV Title slip thru his hands too many times. Facade said he’s going to take the title out of the darkness and put it on “The Neon Ninja” where it can shine bright. Flip Kendrick says that they’re on fire.
Analysis: Not a great finish by the closer. I liked Lynden the best. Neon Ninja just makes me laugh. I know he wears lots of neon but I didn’t realize that was something to be proud of since the mid 80′s. I’m glad Facade admitted his short coming in winning the title. The Sons of Michigan are done because “Amazing” N8 Mattson retired late last year after sustaining another injury. I’d like to thank him for taking time out to talk to me last year before Wrestlelution. He was a class act and I wish him the best. Score: 0.
Veda Scott assumes that we know her and we’ve seen Wrestlelution. She blamed her loss when light reflected of someone’s hot dog wrapper. She said that she will take out Sassy Stephie to prove her point. They cut away when she was still talking. Analysis: Let’s just say she needs some work in the mic department. The focus of her character needs to be found. She didn’t go all in heel to me. She also needed to organize things better. I liked the idea of the message but she had to repeat herself or restart after a stumble more than once. Score: -1.
Corey Winters comes to the ring with Ben Fruith. Bryan Castle is accompanied by Brian Bender. Winters tried a bunch of stuff that a little man shouldn’t on a much larger opponents. Castle started with a Samoan Drop from one of those moves. Winters landed on his feet on a suplex attempt. Winters countered out of a belly to back suplex. Winters tried to slam Castle who reversed it. A leg drop by Castle only got him a two count. Winters gave Castle a pair of enziguris. Winters kicked Castle in the gut then a running boot to the face. Winters sentoned him but only got two. Bender gave Winters the lucky head band of Castle. He gave Winters a single leg drop kick. Castle power slammed Winters. Castle missed a splash in the corner. Winters rolled up Castle for the victory. Winters acted surprised. They hugged after the match. Castle then hugged Fruith & Bender.
Ted Dibiase is hurt. No not the important one the other one; his kid, Ted Dibiase Jr. So that’s that. Check back later for more updates or something. But then Prowrestling.net has the skinny.
Really, what else am I supposed to say? He plans on being at The Royal Rumble so that is nice. I mean Kane needs someone to toss out of the ring.
It will keep him off Smackdown for an undetermined amount of time? You can still wrestle with ligament damage in your wrist I suppose. He doesn’t use the money gimmick so there will be no rubbing of the fingers to put strain on his hand at all so that is good. He no longer has arm candy in Maryse to grab on to his injured wrist as they walk to the ring. Laying on your back after jobbing doesn’t require any strain on your wrist as well. It is a good thing they had that scintillating flag match this past week or he wouldn’t have been able to wave it proudly after beating, um, what’s his name.
Why the hell wasn’t that a low rider bike on a pole match? First guy to grab the bike and wheel it around the ring without tipping over would be declared the winner. This way there could have been potential merchandise capabilities. At the very least Dibiase could have had that as a prop for his Dibiase Posse Parties. Imagine his fan (yup) getting drunk and riding around the parking lot before shows promoting the party.
The important issue here though is what really becomes of the Dibiase Posse Parties. Will his fan still gather at events? Will Ted still go out on the road and crash his fan themed parties? Will anyone really notice he isn’t there? What becomes of his Twitter account? Does he set himself up like Stephen Hawking so we can stay in tough? Will anyone notice that he has had three different gimmicks in the last six months? What? You hadn’t noticed. Not my fault. Pay attention next time. –Jeremy
I wonder if anyone in Impact Wrestling will visit the Funky Buddha Lounge in London.
I got nothing for a picture right now so suck it. I’ll add it later when some theme pops in my head. It’s been a good day and a bad day. The first bad part was forgetting to post the Pro Wrestling Ohio show I reviewed yesterday. I’ll do it sometime tomorrow. Sorry guys. The new show is taped and more free time is around the bend with only one more football game left. I’ll keep up better with the free time. The other bad thing, my buddy Mittan is not coming up for the Machine Head concert tomorrow. And that’s my good news, I’m still going to see Machine Head tomorrow. They’re awesomeness. Let’s roll.
Why is Evan Bourne still in the opening montage? We start with Mr. Clobberin’ Time CM Punk. He is barely started and the crowd is eating out of his hand. Boos & cheers on command. Punk calls out Johnny Wooden GM but that call is answered by John Cena? Huh? Cena calls Johnny so that Zack Ryder can get a rematch and for his own match at the Royal Rumble. Johnny books a match between Ryder and Kane for tonight. Cena & Punk are wrestling to start the show. Interesting. Vickie Guerrero introduces Dolph Ziggler & Jack Swagger. Dolph tells Punk to worry about him and not Johnny. Why is Swagger getting the mic? Oh my goodness. Dead meat? That’s all he’s got? Even worse than I expected. Punk looks strange wrestling in his shorts.
My money is on Swagger taking the pin fall. Looks like I was wrong. Punk gets screwed again by Johnny. Punk wants Johnny to come out of retirement to take him on tonight. Johnny accepted but I’ve got an feeling there is going to be a trick up his shoulder. Cool tries to sell this as being cool. I don’t care that the GM can wrestle. It’ll be a terrible match if it happens. I don’t want executives playing any sport. I want athletes in a sport. Certain people are better at certain jobs.
Let’s see if this week is the one that we get a promo. Mitchell gives us a brief history of the Highlight Reel. Jericho tells us to wait as he goes backstage to grab a t shirt cannon. So there’s no speech this week. Jericho then operates the camera. I got nothing. We get a visual review of the Highlight Reel. People are still cheering. Bunch of sheep. Ah, Jericho predicts the end of the world as we know it at the Rumble. At least he’s not going to be a harbinger of the apocalypse.
BJ Whitmer, who spent his whole retirement fund on that Extreme Couture shirt and ripped jeans.
According to Prowrestling.net, HIV-positive former pro wrestler Andre Davis was sentenced to 32 years in prison for not telling sexual partners about his virus. Davis was sentenced in Hamilton Co., Ohio, and faces more charges in adjacent Butler and Warren counties. In Davis news, who cares? In other news, Iowa also has a Hamilton, Butler and Warren county. How about your state?
Also according to Prowrestling.net, BJ Whitmer is coming out of retirement to wrestle Jay Lethal at Ring of Honor’s February 17 event in Cincinnati, Ohio. For those of you who need a reminder, BJ Whitmer sucks balls, and no one cared that he was “retired;” we just assumed no promoter was stupid enough to book him. Of the two news stories based out of Ohio, I actually think hanger-on Whitmer is the bigger sad-sack.
Finally, according to Prowrestling.net, Shane Douglas continues to release names who will take part in the Extreme Reunion event April 28 in Philadelphia at the Pennsylvania National Guard Armory. Douglas name-dropped Sabu, Sandman and Rhino, in addition to Raven, Jerry Lynn, The Gangstas, and Tracy Smothers. I’d love to attend the show, but I already have plans to cut my pony tail off, drink a 6-pack of Keystone Light that my brother bought me, and ask a freshman high school girl out to see “10 Things I Hate About You.” And then powerbomb all of my friends through tables. Learn more about the Extreme Reunion here, thanks to Jeremy. Hmmm, you know, I kinda wanna see Andre Davis vs. BJ Whitmer in a Taipei Death Match at this show, but that’s just me. -Eric
If you don't listen, Dusty will do next week's audio wearing a turkey suit!
Oh my god, they renewed the contract for another week! By George, maybe this is catching on after all. This week, Dusty and Matt focus on the January 19 edition of Impact. Topics include but are not limited to these exciting things:
-The debut of the segment sweeping the nation, “Ask A Random Question.”
-More long diatribes about how no one in this godforsaken company knows how to dress himself.
-How exactly is mental retardation supposed to be funny?
-How many different ways can they come up with to end the show with a dirty finish?
And a whole lot more, and it’s only going to take about an hour of your time, so you need to listen or else you’ll be the only one in neighborhood who’s not, and no one wants to be the outcast.
