The @WWE Slammy Awards Are During #Raw Part III

Posted on December 9, 2013 by stuntgranny
I'm Tired of Writing Previews. Are you tired of reading them?

I’m Tired of Writing Previews. Are you tired of reading them?

Tag Team of the Year – Which Duo Did The Best? – The Shield (Rollins & Reigns), Prime Time Players, The Usos, Cody Rhodes & Goldust and The Real Americans – I’ve covered the Real Americans enough already. They’re not winning. The Prime Time Players may have a gay gentleman in Darren Young and a clear WWE favorite in Titus O’Neil but that has gotten them nowhere aside from having a good dance. The Usos are a notch above PTP but not by much. By hanging in the title picture, I give them a spot ahead but they’re not winning either. The Shield had the titles for longer this year but with the fans voting, I’ve got to go with Cody Rhodes & Goldust. Cody is finally saddled without a gimmick that limits him but unfortunately the tag straps limit your mic time. Goldust has been a fantastic comeback story so he might win two categories because of one reason.

“You Still Got It!” Best Superstar Return Award – Which Returning Competitor Made The Best Comeback in 2013? – Rob Van Dam, Goldust, The Bella Twins, Bruno Sammartino and Chris Jericho – Considering that the WWE doesn’t think we’ve got memories due to their story line plot holes that are larger than pot holes in Ohio this time of the year, we should probably count out Chris Jericho. He has been gone for several months and even though HHH mentioned him, he won’t win the vote. My woman will continue to have to dream about Jerry’s next appearance. Rob Van Dam falls under the same category. He would have been the vote hands down but staying off TV will not help fans thumbs to click RVD in the voting polls. Bruno Sammartino should win this one but he’s in a similar category to Jericho & RVD in that he hasn’t been on TV recently. His reasons for coming back may be wrong headed but he is one of the greatest ever. Giving him a worthless award is the least you could do for the man. The Bella Twins shouldn’t count. Ahh crap, they had been gone for a while, hadn’t they? Well, whatever. They might deserve it for making the women’s division somewhat relevant because of Total Divas but as the show points out, Nikki has been out the majority of the time since their return. Maybe if Brie Bella had been listed by herself, I’d be more interested in voting for them. Goldust is going to win because he’s got gold and a whole lot of momentum behind him.

Best Dance Moves – Who Boogied the Best in 2013? – Fandango, Summer Rae, R-Truth, The Funkadactyls, The Great Khali and the “Miz-co” Inferno – It’s probably not a good thing for the “Miz-co” Inferno that I don’t remember his dance moves because everyone else is less likely to remember. The Great Khali is a dance machine that we haven’t seen since Young Frankenstein. R Truth could win if his name was Xavier Woods and he’s in a storyline trying to steal the Funkadactyls. Why are they listed as a duo while Fandango & Summer Rae being split into separate choices? The dances that Fandango & Summer attempt on a weekly basis are partnered dances. I’d love to see Summer Rae dance her ways into my bedroom but that isn’t the vote. The Funkadactyls will win due to their exposure on Total Divas even though that’s meant less dancing for them since Brodus Clay & Tensai were excavated after several months of extinction for the Xavier Woods feud.

Catch Phrase of the Year – Who Was The Coolest Superstar Slogan? – “Yes, Yes Yes!” Daniel Bryan, “That’s What I Do!” Mark Henry, “Faaahhhnnn Daaahhhnnn Go” Fandango, “Follow The Buzzards” Bray Wyatt, “We The People” The Real Americans and “Believe In The Shield” The Shield – When was the last time Fandango had mic time? Around the time Clay & Tensai took their hibernation so he’s out. The Real Americans get a chant now but everyone tunes out the rest of their schtick. They are out of the running. Mark Henry could have won until he was hamstrung with an injury from getting mic time. Get it? Aren’t I clever? No? Okay, moving along. The Shield & The Wyatt Family are butting head in another category but neither of them will win this one. Daniel Bryan is the run away winner. As I stated in the last audio/podcast I did with Jeremy, Daniel Bryan finally got rid of the “What?!?” chant so he is more than deserving of this award.

Favorite Web Show – Which Original Web Series Made You Click? – WWE Inbox, 30 Second Fury, JBL & Cole Show and WWE Top 10 – I have heard of exactly one of these shows, the JBL & Cole Show. I have not watched a single second of it. It’s going to win precisely because the other shows haven’t been pushed on TV.

Just like other awards shows, this one is going to be entirely too long for one or two good moments. Aren’t I lucky for reviewing Raw on this special occasion? - Kevin

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The @WWE Slammy Awards Are During #Raw Part II

Posted on December 9, 2013 by stuntgranny
I'm not amused with these 3 Hour Raws.

I’m not amused with these 3 Hour Raws.

What A Manuever – Who Had The Most Impressive Signature Move? – Daniel Bryan’s Running Knee Strike, AJ Lee’s Black Widow, Roman Reigns’ Spear and Antonio Cesaro’s Giant Swing – I know Daniel Bryan was a popular pick for Part I, but I can’t see him winning this category because his running knee strike doesn’t even have a name yet. AJ Lee isn’t even the center piece of her own division despite being better on the mic, in the ring and having a personality. She’s more of utility player within the WWE since she bounced around to a bunch of men then finally plopped in the Diva’s Division once the crazy story lines had run their course. For some reason, the spear never needs to be renamed no matter who is using it. Roman Reigns certainly was given the ball to run with it at Survivor Series with 4 eliminations but I don’t think he’ll get it. Antonio Cesaro made puking “funny” and has tested his move out on the small and large alike.

Faction Of The Year – Which Group Was Most Dominant in the WWE? – The Shield, The Wyatt Family, The Real Americans & 3MB – 3MB may get a lifetime achievement award if they stick around long enough but that’s the only way they win anything of significance. The Real Americans have gotten a marginally higher spot than 3MB but aren’t that much further ahead so they won’t win. For the third time in 7 awards, we’re down to the Shield and the Wyatt Family. As stated before, the Wyatts have done nothing of consequence so far so the Shield should take this easily because of their title reigns & destruction of the Undertaker & The Rock.

Best Crowd of The Year – Which Live Audience Rocked The House? – Raw After Wrestlemania (East Rutherford), WWE Payback (Chicago), Summerslam (LA) and Raw in London – I’ve only seen two of these crowds because I rarely order PPVs. Chicago usually has a good crowd so I’m not surprised they’re on the list. I hate Anaheim crowd but not sure about LA crowds. I’m sure they were fired up. Raw in London was just trying to imitate Raw After Wrestlemania so they win hands down. I’m glad they set a bar and most crowds have stepped up their game.

“Say What” Quote of the Year – What Was The Most Surprising Statement? – “Paul, say somethin’ stupid” Brock Lesnar to Paul Heyman, “Rise Above This” Damien Sandow to John Cena, “One Stipulation: I’m in my boys’ corner and I’ll be your huckleberry all night long.” Dusty Rhodes to Stephanie McMahon and Paul Heyman’s Volcano Tirade – Damien Sandow won’t win category because his phrase blows. Not the intellectually smart retort from my perspective for the “Intellectual Savior of the Masses”. Dusty Rhodes had one fantastic line and the fact that it may have really upset Stephanie because he ad libbed a great line makes it even better. Paul Heyman deserves this award for his fantastic work on the mic this past year but I’ve got to admit that I didn’t like this promo in the first place. I haven’t re-listened to it so maybe I’d change my mind. Unfortunately for all of Paul’s quality work, Brock Lesnar will get it for his concise line that was akin to his “Chicken shit into chicken salad” like from The Ultimate Fighter. The fans will love that Brock was insulting the man they hate too.

Feat of Strength of The Year – Who Had The Most Powerful Display? – Antonio Cesaro Big Swings The Great Khali, Ryback Shell Shocks Mark Henry, The Shield Triple Power Bombs The Big Show and Mark Henry Pulls Two Trucks With His Bare Hands – Ryback‘s Shellshock still stinks as a finisher so he shouldn’t win. It doesn’t display his strength in a proper manner. The Shield shouldn’t win this either as three men pulled off this move on the admittedly gigantic Big Show. Mark Henry‘s feat showed off his strength well but I’ve watched so many World’s Strongest Man contests in the wee hours on ESPN that I wasn’t impressed. Antonio Cesaro should win this one because he relied on no one else to pull off this maneuver. He’s also gotten the crowd behind this move which is not the easiest thing to do for a heel. Too bad he can’t swing his tag team into a title reign.

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The @WWE Slammy Awards Are During #Raw Part I

Posted on December 9, 2013 by stuntgranny
Remember the days a 3 hour Raw weren't standard?

Remember the days a 3 hour Raw weren’t standard?

Breakout Star of the Year – The Wyatt Family, Big E Langston, Fandango and the Shield. We all know that Fandango is thrown into this vote to acknowledge his fleeting moments of fame. Summer Rae is getting front billing these days. Big E Langston has only been hot for the past two months so he is out. The Wyatt Family has been operational for several months now but they have lacked any impact. They abducted Kane, who then left for a month, came back, kicked their asses then changed identities. They had several other consistent attacks but never stuck to them for long. Now they’re in a feud with Daniel Bryan. They are recruiting him but I’m not sure what that would do for either side. So the winners have to be The Shield, even though they started last year at Survivor Series. Tag Title & US Title reigns along with an imminent Roman Reigns push makes them an easy winner.

“This Is Awesome” Moment of the Year – Dolph Ziggler Cashes In Money In The Bank, Daniel Bryan Wins WWE Championship Against Randy Orton at Night of Champions, Big Show Knocks Out HHH and Kofi Kingston Chair Hop To Stave Off Elimination at the Royal Rumble – Kofi Kingston will have a spot on this award for a long time. Fortunately, he will never win because he’s a spot whore. I don’t care that Big Show knocked out HHH because it led to a title defense by Randy Orton and that’s about it. I would love for my boy Dolph Ziggler to win this category. It was a huge moment on Raw with an absolutely raucous crowd to get behind the title change. Unfortunately, he was booted in the skull by Jack Swagger and never got his spot back. Even if he did, I doubt he would have eclipsed Daniel Bryan‘s last six months. Well, really his last year and a half but which is relevant only because the people voting most likely go for the most popular wrestler. That makes the Bearded One an easy winner.

Trending Now – Who Created the Biggest Online Buzz? – #BelieveInTheShield, #FollowTheBuzzards, #BestForBusiness and #WeThePeople – I’m glad Antonio Cesaro, Jack Swagger and Zeb Colter are getting a nice nod for their work this year but they can’t win this vote being heels. #BestForBusiness won’t win for heel reasons also. HHH & Steph don’t need any more awards either. That leaves us with the same final two for Break Out Star of The Year, The Wyatts & The Shield. In this case, I think The Wyatts will win because they have been using their catch phrase more this year than the Shield, who because of the title reigns have been using their catch phrase less.

Beard Of The Year – Who Wore Their Facial Hair Best? – Daniel Bryan, The Wyatt Family, Damien Sandow & Zeb Colter. This category is stacked with fantastic facial hair. The Wyatt Family has more combined facial hair than anyone else but quantity will not win the day. Damien Sandow has the most trimmed facial hair out of the quartet. He hasn’t pimped his beard like the other contestants though so he’s not going to win. Zeb Colter should win this category. His Yosemite Sam mustache is accented by a fantastic bushy beard. The Goat Beard will win this one though. Daniel Bryan will deservedly take home another award.

Couple of The Year – Who Made The Best Romantic Pair? – Triple H & Stephanie McMahon, Fandango & Summer Rae, Tyson Kidd & Natalya Neidhart, Daniel Bryan & Brie Bella, John Cena & Nikki Bella, Jimmy Uso & Naomi. We’ve got four couples from Total Divas, The Authority and the Dancers. In some ways, it’d be hilarious if the WWE rigged this vote in particular to make HHH & Steph win. I’m sure Steph would come up with a solid condescending way to thank all of the fans for voting for them. I’m not sure we really know anything more about the relationships of the couples on Total Divas because of their fake ass skits. Tyson & Natalya are portrayed as cat loving morons who fight constantly. Brie & Daniel Bryan seem like a cool couple as do Nikki & John Cena but the Bella vote will be split so neither side will win. I want to see Fandango & Summer Rae win. They need something new to crow about and this would be a perfect award to hand to them. It also helps that I want to see more of Summer Rae.

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#SippyTimeBeer Review – @21stAmendment, @Lagunitasbruwhs, @OtterCreekBeer and @ThirstyDogBeer

Posted on December 6, 2013 by stuntgranny

21stAmendment Sneak Attack Saison21st Amendment Brewery – Sneak Attack Saison – My lady and I went back to Altoona PA to go see Kent State play at Penn State back in September. We stayed at my parent’s place Friday & Saturday nights. After being rained on for the entire game and watching Kent State be miserable, I was ready for a beverage after a rainy forty five minute trip from State College to Altoona. Luckily my younger brother Brian had left this beer in the fridge. It must have been in there for a while since this beer is only available from January to March. Not only did I need a beer, I really loved this one. The spiciness provided by the cardamom is quite a surprise and very pleasing. The beer goes down smooth and has a nice crispness to it. I would suggest finding this beer in the upcoming months, so go to this part of their site to find out if you can Sneak Attack your taste buds.

Lagunitas Brewing Company – Little Sumptin’ Wild – Jeremy tried this beer back at Oktoberfest in Charlotte so when I saw it on the menu at a bar, I decided to give it a whirl even though it is an IPA. It may have been the beer that started my long, hop heavy road to at least figuring out IPAs. Lagunitas advertises that they also put in boatloads of wheat and pale malt which might cut the edge off of the hops for me. So just like other IPAs that I have enjoyed, this one is more balanced than most that I have tried. This beer from Petaluma CA made it all of the way to the taps of a small bar in Columbus so you should be able to find it in your area, so long as it’s July-ish. Or October which is when I had it.

OtterCreek Stovepipe PorterOtter Creek Brewing – Stovepipe Porter – Their site is currently under construction so I’m sending you to their Facebook link. When I had this beer, the Pittsburgh Steelers were in the midst of starting the season 0-4. I wanted another drink and this one is what I ordered. As my older brother Ron pointed out, it wasn’t strong enough to sooth me. On the upside, it was a completely fantastic  porter. It had the perfect, slightly thick consistency that a porter should have. The color, as you can see even through the Instagram filter, is quite dark. This porter didn’t have the coffee overtones that many of them had so that set it apart. I have no idea if you can get this beer in your area, but if you like porters, it’s worth seeking out.

Thirsty Dog Brewing Company – 12 Dogs of Christmas – I at least want to include on Christmas beer per week from now going forward. This beer has a barrel aged variety but this one is the original. This beer is different from most Christmas ales because it has honey. That ingredient has quite a bit of sweetness. Which is exactly the problem with this beer. It’s too sweet. Most Christmas ales have a sweetness to them with clove, cinnamon & nutmeg. This beer has cinnamon & nutmeg along with ginger to add to the sweetness mix which makes it over the top in my book. Cloyingly sweet is the term I hear on the Food Network a decent bunch which is a perfect description of this Christmas ale.

I started this review with a beer that comes in a can. I used to think that beer tasted better coming out of a bottle. I’m starting to rethink that because a lot of good beer companies aside from 21st Amendment are canning their beers. The somewhat local Jackie O’s in Athens, OH is doing it. Good news for you who don’t live in Ohio or Columbus, more of the companies here in town are thinking of canning their beers. Maybe the problem wasn’t the vessel the beer was being carried in, maybe the beers just weren’t the quality of a #SippyTimeBeer. - Kevin

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@ImpactWrestling “High Lights”

Posted on December 6, 2013 by stuntgranny
thefuzzyball.com

thefuzzyball.com

- I have no idea why they are simultaneously pushing Magnus and looking him look like a bitch by having him waffle. It’s not putting him in a cool “grey” spot by having his integrity questioned with the “injury” that hung Kurt Angle out to dry last week in a tag match. It’s making him look like a douche.

- I didn’t read the spoilers on who the new champion is. I didn’t read any spoilers in fact. So it was quite a surprise that Jeff Hardy beat Bobby Roode since there have been two storylines coming out of this tournament are Dixie Carter’s continued haggling with AJ Styles for the physical belt and Bobby Roode & Kurt Angle being on a collision course.

- Ethan Carter the Third is terrible. I would take “Bad News” Barrett any day of the week over this guy. I do think they could make Barrett entertaining. EC3 had the deck stacked in this segment. He choose Earl Hebner as his opponent which is supposed to get him boos but it didn’t. To make matters worse, “Rockstar” Spud came out and made Brian Hebner referee the match. Earl was made to lay down and EC3 covered him with one finger. Brian told Earl “I’m sorry I have to do this” like Shawn Michaels to Ric Flair. EC3 still didn’t get heat. This gimmick isn’t working.

- The “pay off” for Joseph Park not being a lawyer was a dud too. I enjoy the act of Christopher Daniels & Kazarian more times than not but when they miss, it bombs. They lived up to their past ups and downs. It was also entirely too long for it’s relative importance to the rest of their show. It didn’t involve the  TNA Title Tournament or any other belt. Even if “Abyss” comes back as Eric Young seemed to warn, it doesn’t deserve this much time. They’ve teased his turn to Abyss so many times at this point, I don’t feel like they’ll pull the trigger. If they somehow turn this story into Joseph Park realizing that he is Abyss, I’m fine with it but would enjoy a hybrid character of Joseph Park knowing how to tap into his “Inner Abyss” without resorting to looking like the same bad Mankind 2.0 he was before.

- I’m glad Zema Ion could repackage himself. It’s a perfect obnoxious compliment to pump up the Jesse & Robbie E of the Bromans who really didn’t have a whole lot when they won the belts. Their victory really came out of nowhere. Even if Jesse & Robbie E drop the straps, they have more of an act to keep their heads up.

- James Storm was mad at Gunner for throwing in the towel during a Last Man Standing match during the Tournament. The grudge was working well. For some reason in their match with the Bromans, Gunner loses his cool and shoves the referee because one of them spit on him. Wouldn’t the smart play be to continue the Storm is still banged up card and have the Bromans knock heads with him so that the victory looks tainted? Then Storm can still be pissed at the voice of reason Gunner? Instead their roles are completely reversed in this segment. It’s a real head scratcher.

- #Impact365 is taking up too many segments. Just like the WWE, I’m not going to take a look at your online material because I watch too much of your programming already. To boot, by showing these clips from #Impact365 as much as you are tells me that you’re showing me the highlights. That gives me another reason to skip their online material. That being said, I did enjoy the Big E Langston video with Kaitlyn I saw earlier today.

- The main event was a Last Man Standing Match between Magnus and Kurt Angle in the Title Tournament. Having Bobby Roode the one that costs Kurt Angle the match gives more fire of their feud but it makes Magnus look weak again.

- Dixie Carter just shouldn’t be on TV. I don’t want the McMahons on TV either. I rebel against authority. I listen to heavy metal and punk rock. The man is trying to bring down their own wrestling shows. - Kevin

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Stunt Granny Audio #239

Posted on December 5, 2013 by stuntgranny

ScreenShot2013-11-27at10_24_06PM_crop_north

Well holy shiznit, it’s time for another edition of Stunt Granny Audio. Kevin and Dusty are back at the helm this week, and the primary order of business is Coaches Gone Wild. Kevin’s beloved Pittsburgh Steelers are all over the news this week for all the wrong reasons. Did Mike Tomlin step onto the field on purpose? Was he just dazzled by the majesty of the big screen monitor, or was he practicing the moonwalk? Why on earth is this story obscuring the fact that a football actually got tackled by his junk this past weekend?

They move on to talk about Bo Pelini needing anger management classes. Dusty feels like everything he said and did was justified, but Dusty also has anger management issues, so we cant take him seriously. Why does Kevin feel the pressure on football factory coaches is too much? And finally they talk about Jason Kidd bringing the circus to Brooklyn. Why did he tell a player of his to bump him? Why was he holding a plastic cup in the first place? And then finally they go into wrestling just enough to honk Dusty off, but if you wanted a wrestling audio then it’s too bad so sad for you but you should listen anyway because otherwise the clowns will eat you.

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The Art of Wrestling – @WWE Christmas Sales

Posted on December 5, 2013 by stuntgranny

christmas-tree-and-presentsEveryone loves to shop this year so allow me to show you some gifts that the WWEShop.com. They have their usual special page for Christmas but it took me to the children’s page first. Normally, I wouldn’t bite on this category but it’s hard to pass up this toy train, especially since my father has a massive train set.

- The WWE Smackdown Express Holiday Train is the perfect gift for your child. Starting from the caboose, the WWE has pictures of CM Punk (I think), Undertaker, Sheamus and Randy Orton. That is quite a bit of Superstar power to be taking the train. Since this is the WWE and we’re stuck in the 70′s, the train still has what I would call in cartoon terms the “Hobo Car” next. You know the train car that is always empty because trains just go from point to point without transporting anything. The hobos in this instance are are HHH down a on knee posing with a sledge hammer and Big Show who looks like he’s trying to spook you or act as a crane to grab something coming past the train. What a bizarre look this car has. They could be wrestling each other or sitting next to each other, legs dangling out of the hobo car and it would look 100% less strange. We move along to the coal car which on has  the logo for the “Night Before Christmas World Tour” on it. I think an appropriate use of the coal car would be to put everyone’s picture on it who has been “Future Endeavored” this year since they’ll be getting coal for Christmas. The fourth and final car is the engine car. Vince’s ego is so big that he’s the one driving, right? Nope, you are wrong. The engineer of this train is John Cena. So if we’re booking by how this train lays out their cars, Cena is definitely winning at TLC.

- My older niece started collecting snow globes the other year. I didn’t get her one this year but if I had looked at WWEShop.com first, I would have. Look at this fantastic WWE Championship Snow Globe. It features the WWE Championship inside of the globe itself. The mounting for this globe is of course a wrestling ring with ropes included. The ring skirt has the WWE logo on one side and the Raw logo on another. I’d love to say they’re knocking Smackdown but that’s the theme of the train. I’m sure some young lad is thinking of setting up his train set around this wrestling ring snow globe that is sure to get everyone talking during the holidays. (About how much of a rube this child is for shucking out $29.99 for this hunk of garbage.

- What little child isn’t sitting on Santa’s lap saying “I want Hustle, Loyalty & Respect for Christmas”? Well little Timmy, you’ve gone barking up the wrong tree. According to this John Cena “Happy Holidays” North Pole Sign. You only get HLR when you head to Tampa, Florida from the arrows on this sign pole. I’m not sure why John doesn’t think Santa hustles because he runs a sweat shop with elves and then delivers all of his gifts in twenty four hours across twenty four time zones. That is some serious hustle. Santa, aka Saint Nicholas, has been loyal to his Christian followers for nearly 2000 years now. He started by being a secret gift giver in 4th century and is still doing it to this day. John, your 11 years of service has nothing on good ole’ Saint Nick. So that leaves us with respect. In this regard, John Cena and Santa have a lot in common. Both are very popular with their fan base but they also get a lot of boos from the older folks, like all of those people Cena lives around in Florida.

Don’t worry grand kids, these aren’t the only stocking stuffers that will fill our page. Stay tuned for the that keeps on giving me easy ideas to write a column. - Kevin

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