According to Prowrestling.net… Ugh, let’s just cut to the chase: How will Mick Foley even get to see a movie made about himself with his head shoved so far up his own ass? -Eric
According to Prowrestling.net, TNA Knockout Tara has grown a third breast! On her elbow! Freak!! Now she’ll have to wear 16C-cup elbow pads.
Also according to Prowrestling.net, MVP and Matt Striker appeared on “MSNBC News Live” today to promote WWE’s WrestleMania Reading Challenge. MVP explained to the children how he’s spent the past two years reading sponsor signs in arenas while lying flat on his back for three seconds, and Matt Striker told MSNBC reporter Some Skank how he got tired of reading Jason Powell referring to Striker’s penis as a “beer can.”
Finally, according to Prowrestling.net, Hulk Hogan will undergo what he’s called a “make it or break it Hail Mary” back surgery, brother. He should have never let Donald Trump hang onto the largest back in the world, brother, and backstroked him, dog-paddled him to safety! -Eric
This is the first Matt Hardy Youtube video I’ve actually made it all the way through, mainly because it was only like 50 seconds. I admit it did take me two tries to get all the way through it. So many things to say, where do I start?
First of all, grapes are the most disgusting food known to man. They are disembodied fingertips drained out and filled with water. Anyone who eats grapes is immediately questionable.
Second of all, he is eating them in the most disgusting way possible. Fucking close your fucking mouth when you chew and stop making smacking noises. Otherwise you just fucking line up at the trough like the rest of the pigs.
And finally, “things are about to get interesting”? Even he apparently admits he hasn’t been the least bit interesting in a long time. The problem here is that eating a disgusting food disgustingly and saying nonsense isn’t interesting either.
Until Matt Hardy stops using drugs, gets in decent wrestling shape, and stops acting like an intellectual philosphy major and admits he’s just white trash from a broken home, he deserves nothing but scorn and ridicule and death wishes. – Dusty
Various places reported last night that WWE’s Christian is out for at least the rest of the year with a torn pectoral muscle. It all started with a tweet (ugh) from MVP wishing Christian a speedy recovery and it snowballed from there.
This isn’t a huge loss for WWE regardless of what you think about Christian. He seems like a decent guy and all and I have enjoyed most if not all of his work but he hasn’t been much of a factor since returning to WWE. They recently inserted him in a feud with Albert Del Rio until Rey Mysterio comes back but that’s been about it. Sure he was ECW champion but what lower midcard wrestler hasn’t been?
This is the obligatory portion of a post where we say the following, ” In the absence of (insert wrestler name here) this is a great time for WWE to push some under utilized or lower mid card wrestler to see what they can do. Snore. -Jeremy
It’s time again Grandkids; time for some audio knowledge. Jeremy and Kevin continue pulling their weight and talk on things related to wrestling and beer. Yes, beer. Kevin gives his run down of the Great American Beerfest in Denver. Find out what beers he tasted and just how drunk he got and how fast. They finally get to wrestling and they talk about the ridiculousness of TNA’s decision making. They discuss Samoa Joe’s apparent determination to get back in shape. They then turn to NXT and try to figure out if this show is bad on purpose or if this is just the way WWE feels women should be treated. They then turn it around to a conversation about women’s wrestling and the recent signing of Mickie James by TNA. There is, of course, more but you have to listen for it. 70 minutes!
Filed under: Audio Updates | Tagged: AJ Styles, aurora borealis, Beth Phoenix, CM Punk, Dixie Carter, Great American Beerfest, Hammerstein Ballroom, Matt Hardy, Michael Cole, Mickie James, Smackdown, TNA Impact, Vagina, WWE, WWE NXT | Leave a Comment »
According to our ever present news source, Prowrestling.net, Mickie James has signed with TNA. The news actually comes from diva-dirt.com (get their link in the other link) and they speculate that October 7th could be her debut date. I’m going to make an evening out of seeing Mickie back in the ring with a special bottle of lube. She may have been signed because Dixie Carter complimented Mickie on her new (almost assuredly) awful country album (I love your flaws!). Powell thinks there’s a chance that she’ll revitalize the division, but I’m a realist and know that TNA is going to drive her into the ground and make her irrelevent within a month. Except in my shower, in the morning, when I have wood. - Kevin
We may as well rename this site “Punching Bag Granny” since all we seem to cover are the same three retards on a daily basis. Over at Prowrestling.net, via TMZ, there is a report that Chyna Doll, AKA Chyna, was sent to the hospital for alcohol poisoning. She woke up this morning and was vomiting and all the other stuff a nasty hang over or bender gives you the next morning. Here’s the fun part: this dummy OD’ed, essentially, on Benadryl.
According to the report she took four to five times the prescribed amount to help her sleep. Yes, to help her sleep. I didn’t realize Benadryl was made to help you sleep. Are there directions on the box for the amount of doses to make you sleepy? I know there are directions to fight allergies and colds but not sleep. Essentially Chyna took about 4 or 5 tablespoons of Benadryl and overdosed for the most part.
There is another way to look at this. It won’t be popular but probably way closer to the truth. She could have drank four or five bottles of Benardyl like a high school freshman in order to get a buzz on. You know, the cheap way of getting high. I’m not saying she did but if she did she is truly a fucking retard. She can’t afford a few bottles of booze and get alcohol poisoning like a real man? God damn, she has to have some money left right? Get some SKYY and get your drink on, moron. -Jeremy
Yup, that’s right; it is the official trailer for WWE Films “Knucklehead” featuring The Big Show.
It would be easy to start off with the following line: “Apparently a bunch of knuckleheads approved financing for this movie.” but I am sure this will be abundantly used through countless other DVD reviews.
So, starting differently, this is going to be a total piece of shit. Is it any wonder that Samuel Goldwyn films makes abotu $0.77 on every movie they finance? This just shows that the sophomoric writing of WWE is accepted outside the WWE machine. Look, I don’t care who wrote it so save it. This is garbage inside of a dead baby’s coffin bad. If you wonder how this opinion was obtained you can follow these simple rules.
1: Fat/large guy falls a lot.
2: Fat/large guy has gastrointestinal issues
3: Fat/large guy is not retarded
4: Fat/large guy is the star of the movie
5: WWE is associated with the picture in any way. (Oh yeah that’s a zinger)
I had some hope that Melora Hardin would get naked in this since she is dreamy but then it is PG-13 and geared for kids. You know, the retard generation who laugh at anything. So watch this and then come back in a month when I get it from Netflix. -Jeremy
Alright look, this is a post about Sean Waltman and drugs. He got busted again according to TMZ. Wow, what a surprise. What the fuck am I suppose to say? This isn’t news, this is what you should consider an everyday occurrence by now. I’m not the guy for this but am the only one with internet access and copious amounts of time to waste. Luckily Eric has messenger and is filling in the rest. Warning, clichés a comin. -Jeremy
“I don’t see what the big deal is. Pilots fly drunk all the time, why can’t passengers fly half-baked? It would make the peanuts taste better, the flight attendants would have fewer rude passengers, and those high mother fuckers might order the gingerbread house kit out of the Sky Mall catalog. It’s a win win… win!”- Eric
According to Prowrestling.net, Matt Hardy is looking for writers to help him with “several projects,” including an autobiography. What’s it gonna be called, “How to Cook Forty Humans”? What are the other projects, helping him lift his fat ass off the couch to get a donut? Actually typing his tweets for him when his fingers get too fat to mash the keypad? You know he loves to sew, does he need someone to write down his measurements for when he stitches together a “High Voltage” muumuu? Oh no, now he’s gonna need help writing an intelligible piece of hate mail to our site! -Eric