Kevin’s Blog: Definitely Live & Half Assed Review of #WWE #Wrestlemania

my busy day

Alrighty, I’m actually starting on time after a busy day of making some great food. I got an assist from my woman who made dessert and from my neighbor who smoked some ribs and chicken. I hope everyone enjoyed the previews. I hope everyone had a perfect day like we did here in the fine city of Columbus. Enough about the day. It’s time for wrestling. Let’s roll.

Sheamus hits the ring first so we know they are winning. You always need a crowd pleasing win to start the show. Randy Orton & the Big Show join him on stage before they saunter to the ring. The Shield makes their group entrance. Roman Reigns starts the match for them along with Sheamus. Seth Rollins gets in some offense for the Shield. Dean Ambrose gets to show off how to take a beating from Show. I’m surprised that Show takes a beating early on. Why are the baby faces unclothing the heels? I hope Rollins is still alive. Dear lord that looked bad. Orton is the one that pisses off Big Show. Maybe we don’t see a baby face win. Dean Ambrose with the pin after a spear. Big Show slacked on breaking up the pin. The crowd seemed to like the outcome. I still want for them to do something more than three man matches. Big Show knocks both of them out. They needed to keep him heel so that’s one way to do it.

Mark Henry is the next one out of the shoot. I’m glad they’re giving me plenty of time to beer myself and my neighbors. Ryback gets the big second entrance. Henry gets the first offense. Pictures of the beer will be coming later. The Meat Hook clothesline gets busted out pretty early in Ryback’s offense. Nice way for Henry to get out of Shell Shock. Holy crap, he pinned him. That’s a pretty weak victory. Ah, Ryback is going to get the mojo back after a post match beat down. Isn’t that the job of the heel? I’m confused.

My boy Dolph Ziggler, Big E Langston & AJ Lee get thei first entrance. Kane & Daniel Bryan are the champs so they get the second entrance. Bryan almost gets the 18 second pin on Dolph who got a kiss from AJ. Langston shows off his strength against Kane. I’ll be surprised if Kaitlyn doesn’t make an appearance. Big E has some nice agility considering his background. Daniel Bryan wins with a flying head butt. My neighbors, woman & myself thought that the ref counted three on Kane earlier.

Stupid Lilian doesn’t know how to pronounce Fandango. When Chris Jericho was on Opie & Anthony on Thursday, you could tell he wasn’t very interested in this match. I haven’t looked that well at the set until now. We’ve got the Brooklyn Bridge, Empire State Building & Statue of Liberty. Of course a year I decide not to preview what the set might look like, they decide to go local on the set. JBL said he was surprised how long this match has gone. I’m not too surprised. The first hour moves pretty quick in most Wrestlemanias. Jericho kicks out of the top rope leg drop which I’m guessing is going to be his finisher. Jericho air balls the knees up. Good recovery by Jericho. Fandango wins with a small package. I’m better with that finish than I thought I’d be.

I find out that the Miz won the Intercontinental Championship with a figure four as Wade Barrett taps. I don’t care enough to turn into the preshow. Zeb Colter thinks people still speak Eyetalian in the US. Woof. Jack Swagger gets to pace. Alberto Del Rio gets the big entrance. The first thing I notice in the match is the giant brace that Del Rio is wearing. The match has been fine. I like Zeb denying the foot moving. Another interesting finish. Del Rio monkeys around with Colter. Swagger gets the drop on him. Del Rio locked in the cross arm breaker after Swagger got back into the ring. You’re still not Rey Mysterio.

Living Colour sounds much better than P Diddy/Sean Combs. CM Punk is sporting a Gracie Jiu Jitsu sweatshirt. I’ve got to think even more that Undertaker wins this one with it being this early on the card. Hard to believe this is the half way time of the show. I dig the people grabbing at Taker. My neighbor makes a good crack that hell is New Jersey. The wife part of the neighbors has noted that many wrestlers have gone purple for tonight’s outfit. Completely agree. Nice reversal of Old School. Even better of Punk to reverse it. Nothing happens until Punk gets crotched n his second Old School attempt. Heyman distracts Taker long enough so that Punk can nail a spring board clothes line. Macho Man elbow only gets two. Last Ride is reversed into a head kick. Punk isn’t heavy enough to break the table. Cool moment anyway. Taker beats the count. Hell’s Gate end sup leading to an Anaconda Vice. People go nuts for the Tombstone. People get a little deflated when Punk kicks out. People love Taker kicking out after the urn shot. 2nd Tombstone gets the win. People go bananas.

I wolfed down my woman’s cookies & cream cheese cake. It was awesome. Great food day even if we had a small lunch at Taco  Bell. Shawn Michaels came out first. Brock Lesnar comes out second. Weird. Dear lord. HHH tries to come up with creative entrances but they all end up sucking. He’s so losing after the fireworks went off. Glad HHH is going with some chest hair. The Spanish announce table finally breaks. I didn’t expect that. BRock goes to work on him in the ring. Lesnar is tossing HHH around tonight. German suplex to follow it up. And another one. I’m going to guess that there won’t be too many tables or ladders in this match. Michaels takes an F5. HHH follows with a Pedigree. It didn’t work. Lesnar with an F5 on HHH. Still only two. The ladies are grossed out by Lesnar’s boogie. Lesnar whacks HHH with the stairs. A second set of stairs only gets two. Kimura by Lesnar. HHH rams him into a corner. Lesnar sits on the top rope and locks back in the kimura. Spinebuster by HHH. Holy shit, the feed just froze as Lesnar runs into the ring post. Mother fucking WOW. I’ve seriously got to consider changing cable companies. HHH has the kimura locked in when I get the feed back. Lesnar slams HHH on the steps.  Repeat the cycle. And again. Well, it was a DDT on replay. Sledge hammer time, right to the head. Pedigree on the steps. HHH wins. Boo. Good match from what I saw. Wrestlemania is not where wrestlers go to die.

John Cena is a bad man. I like the solo entrance. He didn’t do one of his over the top entrances. Too bad he duck waddles when he runs. That’s an extra long ramp at Wrestlemania. The Rock takes his grand old time to get to the ring. We’ve got thirty nine minutes left as the bell rings. The crowd has sounded weird tonight. Did the crowd sound awful when we were in Orlando? That’s the last outdoor one I can remember. Texas, Phoenix, Atlanta, shit where were they last year? Anyway, they look more animated than the sound I hear most of the time. Taker match was the most clear to me. The match has moved along in the first seven minutes. Nothing of consequence. The missed flying tackle looked really ridiculous. Sharp Shooter by Rock. My neighbors aren’t buying it. They’re quick learners. Missed Five Knuckle Shuffle. STF after the Rock had a bit of offense. The crowd isn’t buying the urgency either. Five Knuckle Shuffle is hit. Rock Bottom after Cena being dismayed. Attitude Adjustment. No one is still surprised. Too much time left in the broadcast. People’s Elbow only gets a two count. Cena kicks out of another Rock Bottom. The crowd is back into it. Attitude Adjustment after a Five Knuckle Shuffle attempt by the Rock. Would have been poetic justice but they pass on it. Cena gets two from a Rock Bottom. Cena goes back to the People’s Elbow. Cena stops at the ropes. Rock Bottom. Another kick out. DDT by the Rock but he waits for Cena. Rock drops another mother fucker. Attitude Adjustment for the win. Duh. We’ll wait for part III. They shake and hug after the match. The Rock looks unhappy. They aren’t foreshadowing a third match up at all. -Kevin

#PrimeWrestling – Pressure Rising Interviews

woman  microphone

Prime Wrestling decided to do review shows from their iPPV on regular TV. I won’t review the matches since I already did that here. They didn’t show the matches in their entirety but they showed the ends to all of the matches. I’m not a fan especially since they were still shilling the iPPV. DJ Korey was our host.

“Amazing” N8 Mattson was the first interview by Courtney, who really needs a microphone even if it doesn’t work. Mattson said that he was looking for real competition not a comedian like Bryan Castle. He said that even Castle’s mother is ashamed of him. Mattson said he’d amaze Castle tonight with his victory. Bryan Castle did his promo solo. He said he hasn’t had much luck with partners starting with Mattson, Brian Bender or Bat Dan Arkham. He said his luck was going to change tonight. Analysis: Mattson had a decent showing but not one of his better ones. Castle needs to get a new direction. I’m going to keep beating that drum for a while.

Courtney interviewed Marti Belle who interrupted her introduction. Belle left New York just to come here. At the end day, she said she’s number one. Belle said it in Spanish first. I think she had a Dominican Republic baseball jersey on. Melissa was new to Prime Wrestling. She was with Jessie Kaye. Jessie doesn’t think Belle knows what she’s getting into. Kaye wants to annihilate her. Analysis: These women are opposites. Kaye is great on the mic, terrible in the ring. Marti is terrible on the mic, great in the ring. Courtney needs to look more interested & Melissa was so over the top. They’ve got some work to do but it’s early.

Bobby Shields was in the locker room. He has suffered through a lot of pain. Shields said that most men would go into a depression if they went through what he did. Now that he lost his hair, he’s lost everything that was important to him so he’s dangerous because he’s lost it all. Shields told Nicki Valentino to side with him. Bobby Beverly wanted to put an end to Sex Appeal for good. Beverly said he’d kick off Shields head and if Valentino didn’t go to his side, he’d do the same to him. Nicki Valentino was “squatting” 360. He said it’s a big night for him. He decided to buy one fanny pack for each of them. Valentino said he’ll make his intentions perfectly well known by the end of the night. Analysis: I liked Shields promo even if it was rehash material for the most part. Beverly had no substance. Valentino’s promo was good and really should have been aired before the PPV or during it. I don’t think Aaron Maguire or Joe Dombrowski adequately covered Valentino’s promise. The setting for his promo was a little odd. 360 doesn’t seem unreasonable to squash but he clearly wasn’t doing one then when the camera’s arrived.

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#PrimeWrestling – #PressureRising iPPV

pressure_rising_poster_prime_wrestling_by_jeremyhovan

I’m guessing neither Prime Wrestling or Jeremy Hovan (designer) will object to me using this jpeg.

Joe Dombrowski and Aaron Maguire introduce the show. The big news is that the Prime Championship match will be wrestled under relaxed rules. “Amazing” N8 Mattson was the first out with Benjamin Boone in tow. Bryan Castle was his opponent. Castle used his size early. Matt Mason has diverticulitis. Mattson tried to slam Castle. It got reversed. Boone distracted Castle so that Mattson could attack him from behind. Mattson drop kicked him low. Boone took advantage while Mattson distracted the referee. Mattson drop kicked Castle in the knee. Mattson got a two count from a second rope leg drop. Mattson missed a charge in the corner. Castle connected with punches, clothesline and axe handles. Mattson reversed into a Code Breaker for a two count. Boone tried to distract Castle who whacked him with Mattson in the fireman’s  carry position. Mattson got spun onto Castle’s back for a package Stunner and a Castle win.

Analysis: Fun opening match. They could turn this into a match for Wrestlelution between Castle & Boone since they’re closer size wise. Score: +1.

Marti Belle got to introduce herself. She said that many of the men in the crowd don’t have experience with women like Prime Wrestling. Jessie Kay was her opponent. Kay arm dragged her several times. Belle tossed Kay by the ears. Belle strangled her on the second rope. Belle elbowed Kay. Belle reverse chin locked Kay. A Jaw jacker by Kay led to a neck breaker. They traded elbows by Kay won. Belle kicked out of a swinging neck breaker. Kay spine bustered Belle. Marti Belle hit the Reality Check for the win.

Analysis: Jessie Kay was as disappointing in the ring as she was awesome on the mic. Marti Belle didn’t get any help so I’ll wait and see on her. Score: 0.

Bobby Shields came out without covering his head. Bobby Beverly was next. Nicki Valentino came out with fanny packs for each Bobby. Beverly knocked Shields out of the ring. Beverly & Valentino traded blows. Shields attacked Beverly from behind. Valentino attacked Shields after a push by him. Valentino missed with a suicide dive. Beverly took over. Dombrowski tried to feed the “Simple man” stuff with Beverly. It’s not working. No one likes it. Shields tossed Beverly outside. Valentino attacked Shields. Shields put him on the top rope. Beverly kicked Shields. Tower of Doom. Beverly & Valentino punched away on Shields. Beverly suplexed Valentino. Shields attacked Beverly. Power sunset flip by Valentino on Beverly. The Bobbys double super kicked Valentino to the outside. Shields went for his finisher. Beverly reversed. Shields tossed Beverly into the referee. Shields fanny pack didn’t contain the chain. Beverly went for his fanny pack but nothing was in it. Beverly super kicked Shields. Valentino nailed Beverly with the chain. He tried to pin both Bobbys but failed. Shields went for his finisher on Valentino but got super kicked by Beverly. Valention groveled when Beverly found the chain. Beverly super kicked Valentino for the win.

Analysis: An excellent match. I liked showing that Valentino had more sense than he has been presented. LEt’s hope he gets even more smarts as they move along. I think he can do more than the goofy pet raccoon gimmick. Score: +1.

The Megalomaniacs (Marion Fontaine, Jeremy Madrox & Ricky Shane Page with Vic Travagliante) against Team Justin LaBar (Matt Cross, Gregory Iron and Matthew Justice) was up next. Cross started against Fontaine. Cross got in a standing moonsault early. Iron went to work on Fontaine. Madrox & Fontaine collided. Justice squared off against Page. Justice grabbed his knee. It looked to be legitimate. Iron was pitted against Madrox. Iron ended up taking the beat down from the Megalomaniacs. Nope, it sounds like the knee injury was a work if he is refusing care in the back. Iron finally fought his way out of a double team with Fontaine & Madrox. Cross came in and crushed everyone. Cross caught the heels with a top rope moonsault onto the floor. Cross missed a Shooting Star Press. Iron cross bodied the Megalomaniacs on the outside. Vic and LaBar fight. Justice grabbed the lap top from Maguire. He then cracked Iron with the lap top. Page covered Iron for the win. Dombrowski isn’t doing a great job trying to garner sympathy for LaBar or “the company”.

Analysis: They did a good job with the injury angle but it all makes sense now. Let’s hope they don’t forget about his heel turn like they did when he joined the Dead Wrestling Society. Justice gives them an interesting piece. He could really be the leader. The match was well wrestled. They took an intermission after this match so time for the read more button. Score: +1.

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Stunt Granny Audio #206

Jeremy and Kevin are here this week to tickle your ear buds. They do it first by talking about the biggest news in the land, Disney buying Lucasfilm. What did somebody say there was a storm that was more important? They belabor the point about how terrible the most recent trilogy is. How recent is that trilogy though? Do they still like other aspects of the Lucas Empire? The guys wrap up the entertainment talk by talking about some Legos, not just the Star Wars variety. Which ones has Kevin had his eyes on recently? The guys move on to some wrestling talk by mentioning the big story, Ryback getting a cheap disqualification win over CM Punk. Eric & Kevin wanted to keep the belt on CM Punk in last week’s show. Dusty lobbied for it in his story. What does the fourth member of Stunt Granny think? They ponder whether it is good that they’re dragging this feud out now with a traditional Survivor Series match. Is the match type antiquated or is the writing just too bad for it? The last topic they get to is Wade Barrett. Is there a point to building up the guy to lose a series of tough matches? Jeremy gets out some venting to end the show because Kevin wasted too match time talking Star Wars to get to Mad Libs this week. Click on the link below to listen!

Stunt Granny Audio Show #206

Kevin’s Blog: Definitely Live & Half Assed Review of @WWE #HellInACell

I bought this pay per view at the last minute. I’m pretty interested in whether Ryback wins or not. I’m still leaning towards CM Punk keeping the belt.

Randy Orton (with a new hairdo so I guess he’s done filming) against Alberto Del Rio. I miss the first couple of minutes trying to do the introduction. I had to take the dogs on a short spin. This weather blows. It ranks up there for worst weather ever for a Columbus Crew game. It was top five ever. Del Rio is even terrible at mocking. This portion of the match has been solid so far. I need to pee really bad. I’m hoping for a break in the action.What the fuck did Del Rio just attempt off the top rope? Why does this guy keep getting chances? Why? Of course he locks in a cross arm breaker right after royally fucking up. Orton turns it into a school boy pin. RKO for the win. Enjoy your time in Kofi Kingston limbo, Alberto!

Paul Heyman tries to work Vickie Guerrero but it doesn’t seem to work. Daniel Bryan & Kane comes out first. Damien Sandow gets the mic when he comes out with Cody Rhodes. We are the tag team champions. They’re getting decent enough heat. Solid match so far with Daniel Bryan taking the beating after some sustained offense. My girl tells me that I missed Sandow flipping off Kane. Trying to make dinner in this process of watching HIAC. Bryan tags back in after Kane cleaned house. They start arguing. Kane disposes of Sandow. Bryan tosses Rhodes onto Kane. Bryan accidentally hits Kane in stead of Rhodes. Cross Rhodes but Kane makes the save. Kane starts going crazy. DQ cheap-o loss. I can dig this sort of. Rhodes & Sandow deserve more time in the spot light. So do Bryan & Kane. They have another month before the act is completely stale.

The Miz gets a promo before his match against Kofi Kingston. I’m uninterested in this match. It’s going on but I’m not caring. Miz kicks out of an SOS which is the first big move of the match. I do like the calf breaker Miz executed.  Nice of JR to allude to the Marcus Lattimore injury from this past Saturday. One of the ugliest injuries I’ve ever seen. The Miz takes off kofi’ protective padding. Oh No! Single leg Boston Crab which I still don’t understand. You have more control over their body if you have both legs. Small package for Kofi. Cocky pin after the DDT on Kofi only gets a two count. Kingston chucks Miz outside the ring. He catches Miz with Trouble in Paradise for the win.

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Stunt Granny Audio 199.5

Stunt Granny hit the ground with a loud thud this week. We came to bring you the best available wrestling news but it devolves quickly into talking about a strange Asian man dancing like we will at Eric’s wedding, a cat singing Game of Thrones and one of Kevin’s ridiculous friends’ stories coming out of the US Men’s Soccer match against Jamaica. They start talking about TNA right when Eric joins the fray and start talking about a special kind of breathing. We do get around to some News That You Can Use like, did TNA really have a pay per view this past weekend? They figure out the answer was yes and talk about their odd booking policies. Does James Storm versus Bobby Roode have the same ring without the TNA Title on the line? Why did Jeff Hardy go over? Eric & Jeremy move on to Doug Stanhope’s new stand up act. They try to convince Kevin to go to his show on Friday in Columbus while he silently listens to them babbling. The trio eventually gets to the big news of the week, Jerry Lawler’s heart attack. They ponder whether it is OK to think this might have been a work? What tells gave it away that it wasn’t? After hearing about all of that craziness, don’t you want to click on the link below? Yes you do because that’s why you come to the site.

Stunt Granny Audio Show #199 and a half

Kevin’s Blog: Definitely Live & Half Assed Review of #Wrestlemania

It’s been a crazy weekend. We’ve had lots of good food. We’ve had lots of good beer. Just not enough to be hung over which is a good thing. I’m still running around trying to make my world famous meatballs and tomato sauce. I’m finally ready as Justin Roberts announces, hold on, let’s roll.

Sheamus is the first man out. Glad Jeremy & I called this match. Of course, I think we both picked different guys to win. Mitchell Cool still doing the turn around on Daniel Bryan. We get our first bell 10 minutes into the match. Fucking really? I picked Sheamus but this is ridiculous. That’s not going to be much of a coronation of Sheamus into the main event. Team Johnny skit with the Miz acting like the leader. The rest of them ignore him. Johnny Wooden GM is looking pretty sharp. Why not go with the horn rimmed glasses and look more like Colonel Sanders?

I imagine I’ll get to type more this match. It’s Kane versus Randy Orton. Why did they show that replay? It looked like Kane barely kicked him. Orton gets some offense. I’m starting to realize I need to do more play by play than normal. No real angles will develop for me to riff on. The crowd chants “DDT”. First signs of life since the way too short match. The Best Honeymoon sign is a riot. I hope it’s true. Choke slam and for some reason Kane acts like a bitch after Orton kicks out. Second rope choke slam gets Kane the victory. I’m a big surprised. Pretty sure I picked Orton.

Mick Foley, Santino and Captain Keith. I haven’t watched Deadliest Catch in three or four years. We get a Ron Simmons appearance. Somewhat funny. We get review of Cody Rhodes and the Big Show. At least Rhodes picked a new outfit for Wrestlemania. Rhodes is wearing real knee pads. The Big Show is on offense to start the match. Rhodes doing a good job of going low on Show. Rhodes drops off the top rope to snap Show’s arm. Big show gets in a weak spear to avert a second Disaster kick. WMD for the IC Title change. Whoopee.

Beth Phoenix looks ridiculous with that head dress. Awful choice. Eve looks good. I missed Kelly Kelly and Maria Menounos coming in. I don’t care. KK is taking it to Eve but for some reason tags in Maria. Beth finally gets her hands on Maria but only bear hugs her. Isn’t she more pissed at her than to doa bear hug? I know she’s working over the broken ribs but it looks weak. Maria kicks Eve out of the ring after she gloats. Beth backs off of KK’s hot tag. Stupid. That was a gutsy but stupid senton like move by KK. Kelly counters into a bulldog. At least it wasn’t a roll up for the win. Maria gets a the horse shit roll up for a win.

Cool stadium shot when they went outside of it for Taker‘s entrance. His get up looks normal. Glad I got in here for possibly the bald reveal. Is that supposed to be intimidating? A baby mohawk? Stay shaved at least. I missed HHH‘s entrance. Who cares. Ah fuck me. I lost the review of the start of the match. Anyway, Jeremy & I are enjoying this one so far. Taker had the early advantage. HHH is getting in the offense now. Shawn Michaels is getting more involved verbally with Taker. The sledge hammer shot doesn’t do in Taker. Shawn takes the sledge hammer away from HHH before he can squash his head like a grape. Taker locks Hell’s Gate on Michaels. HHH nails Taker with the sledge hammer. Taker low blows HHH. Taker locks in Hell’s Gate on HHH. Michaels is out. HHH slumps over. Charles Robinson comes down to unlock the cage. Chokeslam by Taker, HHH kick out of course. Robinson gets choke slammed. Super kick by Michaels. Pedigree. Kick out. Awesome. HHH pitches Shawn out of the ring. Taker is all over the offense. Tombstone. Shawn makes it back into the ring. Kick out. I like Michaels cowering in the corner. Second pedigree. Wow, that was close. Another kick out. The WWE gets going to shots of people not doing anything. HHH grabs the sledge hammer. Taker nabs a chair. They follow up with a good shot of Taker stepping on the sledge hammer. Shawn is starting to show concern for HHH as Taker assaults him with a chair. Worst cover ever. No one thought it’d end after a conversation. HHH makes us laugh with his pug impersonation. Crotch chop. Sledge hammer shot by Taker. Michaels has his back to proceedings. Tombstone. Three count. Awesome match. I tossed my tomato sauce onto my meatballs during post match happenings. I came back in here just in time to see the group hug on the stage.

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Elimination #Chamber Grades

There were five matches on this card. I’d love to grade this show on a two point system but that’d be giving too much credit to Beth Phoenix & Tamina and Jack Swagger & Justin Gabriel. The WWE also squeezed in a segment for some returning from injury Superstars so that makes six segments. To come around to a nice eleven count, I’ll grade the Elimination Chamber matches as three points each, one point to the Divas, the GM summit & US Title match and two points for the main event of Kane versus John Cena in an Ambulance Match.

The Raw Elimination Chamber - The above video is Chris Jericho ranting about not actually losing in the Elimination Chamber because he wasn’t pinned or submitted. I’d love to have heard Michael Bisping complain to the UFC that he wasn’t knocked out by Dan Henderson. Funny what you can do in fake wrestling to garner heat. I expected the match to go this way because CM Punk shouldn’t have dropped the strap even if it was to Jericho. It had been batted around for a while and deserves a home for an extended period. Kofi provided the usual spot monkey moves. The Miz got the best of the build up in the match itself.R  Truth & Dolph Ziggler were in there just to fill spots which is too bad especially for my boy. Score: +2.

Beth Phoenix vs Tamina Snuka – The announcers couldn’t drive home the Snuka point more than they did. Of course Tamina will remind you of her dad if she uses the exact same move set that he did. The WWE did their best to show Beth in peril so that she could look strong in victory against an opponent that was the same size as her. The problem as usual is that the WWE doesn’t use enough time to build up the women. I don’t expect their league to be built around it. If you’re going to have the division though, do it right. Beth heads in to Wrestlemania for a show down with Kharma, I imagine. That didn’t help last night. Score: 0.

Johnny Wooden GM Summit – If they’re going to continue having Super Shows, I’m all for having one GM. If it ends up being Johnny, I’ll want to gauge my eyes out. Teddy Long has been perfect on Smackdown favoring the babyfaces, not piling on the heels and generally staying off my TV more than on it like any GM should.  David Otunga still sucks. A returning Alberto Del Rio got almost no reaction so I can’t wait for the WWE to shove him down our throats again. Mark Henry came out and delivered the only funny part of the segment by claiming he was bullied by Teddy Long. Christian got more of a response but he got no mic time to try and drag this segment out of the abyss. Score: -1.

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Kevin’s Blog: Definitely Live & Half Assed Review of the Elimination #Chamber

My dogs have been freakishly tired today. They slept from 3 until 7 then woke up for a short walk and food and are back asleep. Time to start the review for the show on time then. Kind of a nice gig. I do need to grab some food though. Justin Roberts is explaining the Elimination Chamber rules. I’m a little surprised that the Raw Chamber match is first. Daniel Bryan may lose the strap in the main event then. I’m not a fan of Dolph Ziggler’s new jacket. CM Punk gets hosed and has to start the match against Kofi Kingston. Mildly weird to have two baby faces start the match. Punk looks really strange shaved. I was pleasantly surprised that Kofi got thru the first entrant. Ziggler is the first man in. Booker is really selling Dolph. R Truth is the next man in the match. Truth gets the Axe Kick on Ziggler who kicks out. I love that Punk keeps aggravating Jericho by doing stuff toward his pod. Truth gets covered after the top rope elbow by Punk to be the first eliminated. Kofi gets his spot with a springboard grab the chamber tornado DDT. Always need a spot monkey in these types of matches. The Miz enters with everyone else down. Miz starts attacking them all. Kofi ends up taking the brunt of the Miz’s offense. Punk kicks out of the Miz’s DDT. Punk locks in the Anaconda Vice right before Jericho comes out. Punk lets go of Miz so that he can duke it out with Chris Jericho. Chris goes on offense to start. Jericho only gets a two count from the Lionsault. Code Breaker on my boy Dolph gets him eliminated. Booker taking a weird tact saying that Jericho is too old to compete. Kofi & Miz are taking Edge Coffee Breaks (TM). Jericho uses the pod to weaken up Punk’s left shoulder. Kofi & Miz get some play time. Punk powerbomb’s Miz who kicks out. Kofi climbs on top of the pod and cross body blocks the Miz & Punk. The Miz kicks out so they have some faith in him still. Jericho locks in the Walls of Jericho for Kofi’s elimination. Jericho assaults Kofi after he is eliminated. Punk kicks Jericho out of the Chamber. Jericho acts like he’s out. The doctor comes to look at him. The refs count Jericho out by way of KO. The Miz kicks out after the same kick to the head. Punk sets up for the spring board clothesline. Skull Crushing Finale by Miz gets a close call. They’re making him look strong tonight. Miz just kind of yells at Punk and has some offense. King & Booker mentioning Miz losing his cool. Miz goes head first into a pod. GTS on the Miz leads to the victory for CM Punk. The match itself didn’t do a whole lot for me. I thought it was wise to keep the belt on Punk instead of swapping it to Jericho. I agree. Let Punk ride with it. They said the match was 33 minutes so that means there was about 15 minutes of entrance & review.

Mitchell Cool, Jerry Lawler & Booker T get to talk about Randy Orton being out of the Smackdown EC. Oh my, they’re calling Santino winning a Jeremy Lin moment. They cut to Santino dressed like Rocky and cracking eggs into a glass. WWE writers, you’re not funny. We get a sneak peak of John Cena lifting at Hard Knocks. The WWE Developmental kids love Cena for being nice. He focuses on the Rock so they are telegraphing even more that Cena wins tonight.

Beth Phoenix is wearing plaid because she sought advice from Rowdy Roddy Piper since he fought Jimmy “Superfly” Snuka. Tamina comes down second. The announcers talk about how much she reminds them of Jimmy. Two years after she started. Beth asks Tamina to get out of her ring. Beth has a head butt back fire on her. Tamina goes up early but Beth drops her to the floor. The crowd is pretty quiet for this match. Tamina goes for the splash again but gets caught by Beth again. Suplex from the second rope but Beth doesn’t capitalize. They exchange some big punches. Splash in the corner by Tamina leads to a kick. She sets Beth up for the splash for chance number three. Tamina nails the splash but Beth kicks out. They just put some interest in the match. Glam Slam shortly there after for Beth to retain. For some reason, the baby face announcers had to doubt Beth the whole match. I’d wager a guess that Kharma gets the slot at Wrestlemania now.

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Kevin’s Blog: Definitely Live & Half Assed Blog of Tables, Ladders and Chairs

If this isn't cute, fuck you. This picture was under tender loving care.

 Dolph Ziggler leads off the pay per view. They already mention Twitter but I’m in no shape to handle a drinking game. I had 4 Thristy Dog 12 Dogs of Christmas Ales during the Patriots at Broncos game. Zack Ryder takes him on. I may need to walk my dogs at some point so I may not be “Live” all the time. Cayenne is hiking a sleeping bag around the living room right now. Stupid Boxer. Both have new tights on so that’s no give away. Cole Irony count is at 1 since he’s making fun of Ryder for being an underdog. Good match so far. Ziggler’s dropkick ranks up there. Zack with the Huracanrana for a two count. Dolph loses to the Rough Ryder. I’d love to say that Ryder will make the US Title important but I’d be lying. Zack’s dad and Big O get to celebrate. Nice touch. The WWE is finally realizing that wins in someone’s hometown can put them over instead of retard their growth.

Booker T got attacked by Cody Rhodes but it shouldn’t mean much. Primo & Epico get a shot at them. Rosa Mendes is fucking hot. Even if she doesn’t have the biggest booty. I’d love to see Primo & Epico get a little more development time, but in today’;s WWE tag team environment & Bourne’s suspension, I lean towards the heel’s win. Kofi got a serious hot tag. Kofi hits Trouble in Paradise to retain. Good choice even of Evan might not be legal. I’m just asking for a 4 team division. Is tht too much to ask? I’m not asking for the past.

Hornswoggle finally admits he’s an adult. Teddy got him an Ebonics dictionary. Hornie kicked him. Randy Orton comes out first. Wade Barrett is #2. I’ve got to think Barrett gets put over with the place on the card. The style of match leads to a fluky decision like Cena versus Sheamus. Sheamus got cooled off after that for nearly a year but he’s a top baby face now.None of these matches so far are leading up to an epic finish.They’ve all been good at a minimum though. RKO thru a table gets the victory. I guess Wade isn’t ready to move up the card yet.

Teddy has another segment. Sheamus and Jack Swagger join this one. Boy, they’ve got nothings for Swagger or Sheaums. Poor Sheamus since he’s further up the food chain. Even though that match was just booked, we get Beth Phoenix against Kelly Kelly next. The dreaded roll up doesn’t work for KK. Beth Phoenix wins after an electric chair. Alicia Fox or bust right now for the WWE.

The Miz and Alberto Del Rio make sure they have their stories straight. Del Rio keeps having his very large flaws pointed out. Miz needs to drop that coat. It’s awful. Booker gets jumped from behind by Cody Rhodes. The WWE, hopefully, realizes this feud can use some more simmering.

HHH versus Kevin Nash in a sledgehammer match is next on the card. Good choice to table Rhodes & Booker. This match doesn’t look like it’s going to keep a long term match. Personal grudge matches should be shorter with more venom. HHH starts working on Nash’s knees. Figure Four thru the ladder for HHH. Nice touch. Nash takes over shortly after. Sling shot into a bridged chair brings a slow spot. Trips is the first t climb the ladder but Nash stops him. Choke slam by Nash who goes outside. He grabs a table. Seems dumb to me. They fight at the top of the ladder. HHH uses the sledgehammer to knock him thru said table. Told you it was dumb. Trips works him over. A Clique symbol then a sledgehammer to the skull wins it for HHH. He needs the win if he’s going to take on Undertaker again.

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