Zema Ion could use some help since TNA isn’t giving him any.

Xema-Ion

Zema Ion needs help covering his upcoming medical expenses. During a routine CAT scan doctors discovered a 5 cm tumor located on his colon. The results of the biopsy is still pending but it will need to be removed regardless. Zema’s girlfriend has set up  a Give Forward account so that fans, if they feel inclined, can donate to Zema’s bills that will total approximately $30,000. If you feel so inclined please give generously.

Now that the important details are out of the way, um, one question comes to mind: Why the hell should the fans be forking over any money towards his medical expenses? Shouldn’t his expenses be covered by the matriarch of the TNA family Dixie Carter and Panda Energy? He is an employee after all.

I suppose this could be too idealistic but isn’t Dixie Carter the head of TNA? Isn’t Dixie Carter the President of Total Nonstop Action? Is this the same woman who was quoted in a Bleacher Report Article from March, 2013?

So, I’ve just tried to create a really positive environment, and I care about these people tremendously—they know that—and I think that’s why they try so hard back, and why being successful here means so much to them. They’re not just collecting a paycheck and it shows.

In case that quote was too long to read she says she cares about these people her employees/talent, tremendously. Well then isn’t this a perfect opportunity to stick to her words and willingly and openly cover the costs for Zema’s medical expenses? Wouldn’t this be an absolute validation of her statement? In the interest of fairness maybe this has happened already. Maybe Dixie has reached out and explained they will cover his expenses due to him being part of the TNA family. Yes it is all corporate speak but seriously just stop. How can any reporter or columnist conducting the interview not smirk or snicker when they hear something like that?

This isn’t a call for TNA and more importantly Dixie Carter to step in and make one good gesture. This is a call for TNA, Panda Energy and Dixie Carter to do right by their employees and their business. Go further than is expected and what could be argued against. There will be the argument this is not an in ring injury and therefore TNA is off the hook. This is a valid thought but this isn’t about that. It is about Dixie Carter backing up her words. Backing up her talk of caring about every one of the people. TNA and Dixie have already made perceived mistakes, errors or flat out poor decisions with talent in the past. It is time for her to act like the person she has created in the public face. You care about everyone then step forward and assure and guarantee you will do whatever is needed for Zema to move forward with his heath and not worry about the potential debt afterward.

Don’t place stipulations on your assistance. Do not tie in a new contract with your help. Do not hold it over the talents head after the help has been given and accepted. Give the assistance that is needed and sit back to reap the reward. In doing so it is possible that it could build a stronger worker/employer relationship. It could come back during negotiations that said employee will remember the generosity.

If not, Dixie Carter and anyone associated with TNA or Panda Energy need to shut the fuck up going forward. -Jeremy

Jeremy’s Monthly Movies for May 2013

movie_nightIron Man 3- May 3, 2013

Look Iron Man 2 isn’t nearly as bad as people made it out to be. Yeah it had its flaws but then it also led us right to The Avengers so all is forgiven. The previews have been coming fast and in abundance an each one looks more badass then the next. This is the official kickoff movie for the summer season and looks like it will be well worth the money. I have the tickets already.

The Great Gatsby- May 10, 2013

I have no idea what The Great Gatsby is about and I know I should but whatever. The previews look to be the usual mess of visual and music from Baz Lurhman and that is a good thing. This is clearly geared toward gay men and women as those re the only people I have heard mention this flick as a must see. No shame in that as it will drag in a larger audience this way. It will also benefit from make good ticket sales for men dragging their women to see Iron Man 3 the week before. Possible theatre movie but not set in stone.

Peeples-  May 10, 2013

First off I am not black that I know of; so I understand this movie is clearly not marketed for me. I do liek funny movies and this, well, this doens;t seem to cut it. I remember seeing this preview before GI.Joe and immediately called out that Tyler Perry had his hands in this in some capacity and I was spot on. So, after all of that this movie doesn’t look terrible but it doesn’t look very interesting as well. It is the same basic formula as every other fish out of water movie. The only curious development is that David Alan Grier appears to have abandoned his normal shtick and plays the straight man. So yeah save the cash and wait for TBS.

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Pro Wrestlers vs. Zombies has finally happened

Far be it from me to disparage people making a living but god damn I wish wrestlers would save their god damn money. How else do you explain “Pro Wrestlers vs Zombies”? The movie comes to us from writer and director Cody Knotts. He of such other low budget fare “Breeding Farm” and “Lucifer’s Unholy Desire.”   I just don’t understand when you take a meeting for a low budget movie what pitch these guys heard.

“Alright we have this cool premise guys. We mix the world of zombies and pro wrestling. It is going to be just as good as Zombie Strippers I promise. We have a budget of about $370.00 and a boatload of unfulfilled favors to cash in. The shoot will be magic. We have a shooting schedule of about three days so scheduling will be over a holiday weekend. Believe in me when I Say this will get you in to Hollywood that much faster. Well in your case Mr. Piper I should say back in Hollywood. I mean god damn “They Live” was fucking beautiful.  Now just imagine they alley fight scene but with zombies in a prison with all natural lighting and heavy metal music. How awesome right?  Sure it is an exact rip off of The Walking Dead season but the genre is ripe for some creative borrowing. Hell, The Walking Dead is a mashup of a bunch of other zombie movies. So ya with me? You ready to be a star? ”

So it may not have gone just like that but really could it be that much far off? Who needs the work this badly? Judging the entire movie from the trailer, which is the purpose of a trailer so you know, this looks terrible. Shane Douglas actually is kind of funny because he essentially is playing “The Franchise.” Other than that one item this really looks terrible. Kurt Angle continues his stellar acting gigs but there is no chance of improving over “Buffo The Scary Clown“. No really, this clip is genius.  But the acting is not going to be the worst part of this movie.

Was this flick shot with a flashlight and ketchup bottles? Sure the atmosphere appears to be the inside of a prison and if this isn’t a Kubrick experiment using only natural light then boy is this going to be hard to watch. Literally, this is going to be impossible to tell what the hell is happening.  If you can’t see the action then nothing else matters. Wait I get it now this movie is supposed to be some French Existential film on the absurdity of the zombie genre?

It has occurred to me that maybe I am just being a total dick right now. After watching the trailer for the tenth time this could be a fun movie. So let’s cut the jokes and do some actual commentary.

There are some legitimate issues with the trailer. The music is terrible and far too loud. It covers up too much of the dialogue and doesn’t enhance the action. It isn’t a matter of personal music tastes at all but the screeching 80’s metal god voice is not good for the small amount of time given. Just straight music with no lyrics would have been a better choice.  The lighting of the film, from what was presented, is a big problem. Scenes are just too dark. The shadowing makes it difficult to see the action. I am not sure how this can or even will be addressed in post production but it needs some attention. The acting is about what you should expect from a low budget horror flick starring professional wrestlers not named Dwayne Johnson so that gets a pass.

Guess there is not much else to be said until the final product is released. Make sure and stop back on Stunt Granny as it will be reviewed. (Take that as a request  for a screener copy) -Jeremy

Jeremy’s Monthly Movies for April 2013

Film-Reels-1986

Have you ever wanted some expert guidance on just what you should spend your hard earned cash on at the movies? Do you have no trust for legitimate print or internet critics? Well then why not take the word of some schlep that has seen too many movies in his brief life? With so many movies released each week it can become rather daunting to keep track of them all. So, in the interest of simplifying your life I am here to help you decide what you should see at the movies with a quick week by week pick em. We are starting with March even though there are only a few weeks left. The idea may not be up to date but the opinions will be. So get to watching and reading. You have any qualms or suggestions for movies I missed then by all means let me know. Leave a comment or hit me up @grannymaes on Twitter.

Evil Dead – April 5, 2013

Look if you haven’t seen the first red band trailer for the new “Evil Dead” you need to watch it right now. Yes it is near blasphemy to remake “Evil Dead” but this looks to be an entirely new spin on it. Gone are the quirks and cuteness of the original. In its place is nonstop gore and suspense. This looks like a very uncomfortable movie to watch and not for the gore aspect. Sure it is unsettling but after a while you eventually find yourself unfazed. What this looks to rely on is actual suspense. We all know the story so there shouldn’t be too many surprises outside of Ash not being the lead. Yeah calm down it is perfectly ok since no one could ever replace Bruce Campbell. As a rule I never attend horror movies in a theatre. One reason is that I am a giant pussy and want to cover my eyes in the privacy of my own home. The other reason is that most horror movies are garbage and not with the inflated price to actually go to the theatre. This one may be wearing me down though but I will still be a giant pussy watching.
It’s a Disaster- April 12, 2013

David Cross and Julia Styles? Um, yes please. Now there is no chance I will see this around here since Greenville is the culture black hole of the south. So, look out for one of my One Paragraph movie Reviews later this year. Anyway I really like the premise. Instead of everyone freaking out they calmly drink themselves silly and party. Well, until it all falls apart inevitably and they ruin it with morality or something stupid to give us a lesson. Was that Ugly Betty banging on a pot and drink straight from a liquor bottle? Damn.
Oblivion- April 19, 2013

Look, Tom Crusie is an absolute animal. The guy is in his fifties and he makes action movies look like a piece of pie. Regardless of his personal life the man just knows what it takes to make a good movie. Sure he has some clunkers along the way but then what successful actor doesn’t? “Oblivion” reminds me of a cross of “Planet of The Apes” and “Wall-E”. Monuments are destroyed and the world is in tatters so all the humans up and left. Cruise is left behind to tend the planet and fix drones for some reason. Yeah, the premise seems a tad shoddy and if you haven’t yet it may be better served to stay away from the later trailers as, par the course now, it gives away too much. Out of all of the flicks releasing in April this one stands on top. Tom Cruise, Morgan Freeman and a load of sci-fi visuals? Yup, sign me up.

Lords of Salem- April 19, 2013

I have loved the look of every Rob Zombie movie he has directed/produced. He has a good eye for keeping even inaction interesting which is not easy to accomplish. The problem with all Rob Zombie movies is that he sacrifices story, character and pacing for gore and shock.  He hasn’t found the right mixture of both to make a solid film. Generally his movies turn in to non-stop swearing and blood when there is no reason for it. This being said, I am not sure what to make of “Lords of Salem.” It has the same visual flair of his previous movies and he has teamed with some successful producers so anticipation is a tad high that he finally found his balance. As the trailer goes on though there are definitely places where you can see that the wheels may fall off in “Insidious” fashion.  So consider this guarded excitement for this flick. The fact it comes out after “Evil Dead” may hurt its business but then a movie making money and being crap is kind of what happens in the States anyway.
Pain & Gain- April 26, 2013

Speakign of crap that still makes money it is time for another Michael bay fiesta. Look we all know Michael Bay movies are style over substance and “Pain and Gain” looks to be no different.  The only reason this gets a mention is in keeping with the theme of new Dwayne  The Rock” Johnson movies that are releasing this year. So you could say I am anticipating this film but it would be for all the wrong reasons. Judging by the trailer, and really if you haven’t figured it out by now this is what all of these are based off of, we are going to be force fed more unnecessary slow motion shots and sprawling crane shots for no reason. If this movie doesn’t include at least one guy jumping off of a roof top in to a pool or a truck then it is an abject failure. On a positive note everyone looks to be in very good shape.

The Walking Dead Survival List

Some of us aren't going to make it. Right T-Dog?

Some of us aren’t going to make it. Right T-Dog?

This Sunday brings us the season three finale of The Walking Dead. If you have been watching or just reading our coverage here then you know that business is about to close for the group. All season long has been the build to a final, probably, battle between the residents of the prison and the militia from Woodbury. Kevin and Jeremy give their predictions without knowing any of the spoilers so check it out and use it as a scorecard for Sunday as characters get bumped off. Well, I mean there should be people dying Sunday. Jeez, I sure hope so or we are going to look really silly.

The Prison

Rick

They have knocked off some big names on this show but he’s the main character even if the show is more of an ensemble cast. – 100% Survival Chance. -Kevin

Early in the season there were rumors that season three show runner Glen Mazzara had intended to kill off Rick and that is what led to his dismissal. It would have been a risky move since he seems to be one of a few untouchables in the series. There is 1% chance Rick gets the axe during or after the battle. He is the rallying point and the group’s core. Although it may make for interesting television the move would be too unpopular.  99% chance of survival. -Jeremy

Carl

This kid has been chomping at the bit to see more action. He’s finally going to get it. There’s a new kid on the block so he’s expendable. – 70% Survival Chance.-Kevin

Carl has slowly grown from season to season and there is just too much story left for him. His relationship with his father has yet to be explored fully. How does a boy come of age in a zombie apocalypse?
85% chance of survival.-Jeremy

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CM Punk & John Cena’s Photo Journal From #Nashville Part II

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John Cena respects my hustle in the gym even though he doesn’t have my loyalty.

My girlfriend’s mother decided to buy me WWE Rumblers for Christmas. I had been meaning to more with them before now. They were happy about their trip to Nashville. I posted these pictures over on our Facebook page but I’m never sure who sees that so I will re-post them here for your enjoyment. Let’s see what they did Saturday with some extra notes from the trip.

John Cena met me at hotel gym in the morning. It was nice of him to serve as my inspiration to bang out something on a vacation day. All three of us got the gym. We’re definitely getting old when we’re not so hung over we have to skip the gym. After getting cleaned up, we headed out to Belle Meade Plantation. They ushered you thru the gift shop to get your tickets.

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John Cena is ready to go to war for the South.

I couldn’t pass up taking this picture. It’s almost a perfect scale for the WWE Rumblers. We wondered around the estate after buying our tickets and saw the family mausoleum, which I forgot to note in my Facebook post. It’s a not so minor note that wold have helped the post.

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CM Punk wants to make the Undertaker to rest in sleep.

We weren’t allowed to take pictures inside of the mansion itself so no shenanigans for the guided tour portion of Belle Meade. I would have loved to have taken a picture of the bronzed hooves from one of the horses. Considering that the Bellas showed back up last night, it would have been a premonition of two horse faced Divas coming back. We moved on to some food at Hog Heaven which I highly suggest if you ever head to Nashville. The pulled pork was awesome. The Flying Saucer was the next venue that got hit so we could have some afternoon beers. I won’t review the beers in this post but I will post pictures and captions.

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I can’t believe these drunks are taking me to another bar.

I never used any of CM Punk’s tag lines but I did use his straight edge standing to help me out with the next one. I think I put more thought into using John Cena’s triad of ideals than he ever has with this caption.

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CM Punk & John Cena’s Photo Journal From #Nashville Part I

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My girlfriend’s mother decided to buy me WWE Rumblers for Christmas. I had been meaning to more with them before now. They were happy about their trip to Nashville. I posted these pictures over on our Facebook page but I’m never sure who sees that so I will re-post them here for your enjoyment. I’ll be doing two posts for Friday night and Saturday. Let’s see what they did Friday with some extra notes from the trip.

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I’m trapped in a glass case of emotion.

John was really only trapped in a plastic cup of emotion at the manager’s reception at our hotel. Thanks to Ron Burgundy for the inspiration.

John Cena Porn Star

Rawr what now? Bring in the porn stars.

Jeremy’s contribution to the photo journal is above. He inspired me to let the porn jokes come to me. Get it? Wokka wokka.

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I get porn stars to do this, allegedly.

I found this box in the Honky Tonk Central. We went in there because my lady was pretty sure it’s the bar that Heath Slater filmed a segment in when the WWE was actually in Nashville. Fun three level bar with a band playing on each one.

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CM Punk has seen some hot pink in his day, if you know what I mean.

Jeremy is a fantastic hand model. After enjoying all three floors including the views off of the balconies on the third floor, we moved onto another bar. Sometimes jokes are too easy to pass up. Which is when you Photogrid John Cena on flanking beavers at the Wild Beaver Saloon.

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Jeremy’s One Paragraph Movie Review: Dredd

Buy two copies.

Buy two copies.

One thing you need to get over before viewing this film is the Lions Gate logo. 90% of the time the movie that follows is total garbage. Much to my surprise this movie falls in the 10% of Lions Gate successes. There is no reason this movie should be half as awesome as it turned out. Sure you need to ignore the incredible similarities to The Raid: Redemption but that movie was completely awesome as well. There really isn’t much to dislike about this flick. The simple structure is laid out just like an arc from the comics. There are concise and deliberate breaks in the story that read as a cliffhanger form issue to issue. It is a nice touch really and wouldn’t mind more comic movies doing the same thing. Yes the plot is a tad thin but the action and the creative use of slow motion/bullet time violence adds a creative touch not seen since the Matrix.  So go out and buy a copy or to on Blu-ray so we get a sequel to this surprisingly fun movie.  -Jeremy

Clutch finally releases a finished version of Earth Rocker. Joy abounds.

clutchearthrockercover

If you listen to any of our Podcasts going back to the ProWrestling Torch days you will know I have a very few loves in this long life. In no particular order they are Michigan sports, movies, G.I. Joe and Beer. There is however one love that far surpasses anything else and no it isn’t family. I mean it should be but whatever.  This love is my absolute obsession with the band, cough, excuse me, the world’s greatest band Clutch.

2009’s “Strange Cousins from the West” release is a solid album and it is one I listen to over and over but it was absent the slick grooves and riffs of its predecessors. Then again with a catalog of nothing but greatness if your one slip is a B instead of solid A’s you take the punches. Judging by the first single released on the interwebs yesterday it seems that they are right back on the A+ wagon.

Brooklyn Vegan has an interview with Tim Sult, lead guitarist for Clutch, and in the middle of the interview is the solid gold drop. After countless youtube live videos taken with a phone and hearing the new material live Clutch fans finally get the studio version of “Earth Rocker” and, well you get the point already, it doesn’t disappoint.

The new album “Earth Rocker” comes courtesy of Clutch and the producer of their two greatest releases “Pure Rock Fury” and “Blast Tyrant”, Machine.  “Pure Rock Fury” being what I like to refer to as a dirty album while “Blast Tyrant” is just a masterpiece of craftsmanship. So with expectations really unreasonably high I can, without an ounce of shame, admit that this song gave me chills and even made me tear up a bit.

The slow build of Tim Sults’ guitar, Dan Maines’ bass and Jean-Paul Gasters’ crisp cymbal taps immediately grab your attention and leave no mistake what band you are listening to. When Neil Fallon’s vocals take over, literally his voice sounds much more upfront than the music; you are on a three minute and thirty one second joyride. So sit back, listen to this over and over until March 12. It is what I have been doing since yesterday. -Jeremy

Five other Christmas movies to watch instead of that one.

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Alright look, “A Christmas Story” is going to play for twenty-four  straight hours again and it gets a tad repetitious. Yes Ralphie and his Red Rider bee bee gun is still a lot of fun to watch but isn’t it time for some other movies to take over the Christmas day slate? Well, you are n luck as Stunt Granny has a few other flicks for your consideration. No Christmas Vacation is not on the list, you’ll figure it out why by the end. If not, well, I can’t help you. -Jeremy

1) Gremlins- Yes the very same Gremlins you are think of. Bet you forgot this movie takes place at Christmas time huh? Just get over the logic gaffes and enjoy some idiotic mayhem.

2) Rare Exports- Incredibly fun movie from Finland. It may help to watch the Rare Exports short films as well as they may be better than the actual feature.

3) Silent Night Deadly Night- Yeah I know Christmas theme horror movies are usually shit but this is totally watchable. Now if you want absolute garbage check out Silent Night Deadly Night 2.

4) Trollhunter- Now technically this isn’t a Christmas movie but most of it takes place in the snow. So, as far as I am concerned it fits. Don’t let the title fool you, this Norwegian film is a hell of a lot of fun oh and pretty good.

5) Black Christmas- Not the hunk of garbage release from 2006. The original 1974 version of this film is a concise, tight and suspenseful movie. It takes place on Christmas Eve as well. Oh and fun fact it was directed by Bob Clark of A Christmas Story fame.

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