Tonight’s ECW featured the debut of four new and undoubtedly, undeniably future SUPERSTARS (ugh) in Yoshi Tatsu, Abraham Washington (you know what I’m sayin’), Sheamus and Tyler Reks (dude, that’s how it was spelled in FCW, dude). The poll is simple: Which man made the best debut? Just base your vote on what he did, but feel free to leave comments discussing your opinions on each guy, his future potential, his upside and shortcomings, etc.
WWE just announced a BLOCKBUSTER (read: stupid, unnecessary) shake-up of each of its three rosters. Fifteen wrestlers, five from each brand, just finished a game of musical chairs or, in some cases, musical pink slips. Let’s see how the moves stack up, for the wrestlers, for the brands and for the fans.
MOVES TO RAW
Evan Bourne: Hard to argue with an exciting newcomer the company likes moving to the flagship show. Bourne spent a little time on Raw last year feuding with Mike Knox; look at how far each of them has come (*shed tear for Knox*). It’s not out of the realm of possibility, though, that Bourne will get lost in the shuffle. Who can he feud with? Miz? A face feud with Kofi Kingston? A lateral pass, feuding with Jack Swagger? He still gets a bigger audience to perform for, so that’s cool.
Jack Swagger: Same goes for Swagger: Small fish with a push moving to a big pond. I’ve said it a million times, but there are still certain aspects of his character and entire package that just don’t go well together: big, smiling doofus promoting his all-American status coming to the ring to Rage Against the Machine knock-off music, for instance. He’s a good wrestler and a good character, though, who could have stood a little more pickling in ECW. Possible feuds with MVP and… fuck, I don’t know, Kofi again, might not be shabby.
Gail Kim: The recently returned Kim vs. Beth Phoenix or Maryse has a lot more appeal than Kim vs. Michelle McTaker. Looks good to me.
Alicia Fox: Who truly fucking cares?
Mark Henry: Given the re-debut he made Monday night (decisively beating WWE Champion Randy Orton) and the response he received from the crowd (favorable for the first time in years), WWE must have big things in mind for this 13-year veteran. That’s fine, he’s earned it. He’s still not the best wrestler they have, but he’s much, much better than he’s ever been, and it looks like he’s shed that awful Tony Atlas, so he can talk for himself and sink or swim on his own. Let’s see what happens.
Super Hentai took on Morty Rackem, with Matthew Justice. Hentai and Rackem countered easy moves from each other. Hentai clotheslined Rackem outside then hit a sling shot cross body on the floor. Rackem executed a swinging neck breaker. Rackem tried to hit a top rope suplex but was thrown off. Hentai missed a top rope cross body. Rackem hit a DDT but didn’t get a three count. Rackem distracted the referee by throwing a chair in the ring. He tried to use his belt but it was taken away by Matthew Justice. Hentai then executed a Northern Lights Suplex for the win. Rackem attacked Hentai with the belt when Justice made the save.
Analysis: Good match. Dombrowski, flying solo, advanced Hentai’s obsession with Johnny Gargano and the rift between Justice and Rackem. The later of the feuds needs to move along further because it’s been treading water for too long.
All right folks, we got an audio up in a timely fashion. That’s right; Stunt Granny presents the WWE’s The Bash 2009 Audio review. We actually got this accomplished as soon as the show ended so all of our thoughts are unfiltered, totally not thought out and probably down right incorrect but it’s all good. Join Kevin, Eric Jeremy and junior member Jordan as they discuss all of the good, not so good and down right bad of The Bash. They discuss the Rey Mysterio / Chris Jericho match and how it fared up against CM Punk and Jeff hardy for the match of the night. They rightfully take the main event between Orton and Triple H to task for being a plodding borefest. They even manage to talk about Samoa Joe and the Main Event Mafia as well as the whereabouts of one Mr. Dusty Giebink. It’s a riproarious good time so check it out won’t ya?
WWE’s company dartboard (TM my friend Scotto) Lilian Garcia announced on her website that she is leaving WWE when her contract expires.
The truth of the matter is that they are looking for someone new because I have given them my notice that I will be leaving at the end of my contract this year. It is with a heavy heart that I have made this decision because WWE has been my family from day one and you, the WWE Universe have always been incredible to me. The fact is that I am getting married later this year and have decided to enter into a new phase of my life…
If nothing else, she is pretty attractive, and she made her on-air debut in Ames, Iowa, at a Monday Night Raw I attended (the infamous “Blonde Bitch Project” episode and the one where Triple H beat Mankind for the WWF Title). So she’s got the Iowa thing going for her. I keep telling you people this state is full of wrestling history. And although you can hear a vast improvement in her delivery since that August 1999 show, she’s still prone to mistakes, even calling Kofi Kingston the “Intercontinental Champion” a couple of weeks ago. Oh well, WWE will find some other bangable chick who can belt out passable renditions of “The Star Spangled Banner,” attribute the wrong belt to the wrong person and take 33 minutes to explain the rules of a 30-minute ironman match until her biological clock grinds to a stop. QUIERO VIVIR!!! -Eric
Yes you are seeing this right; Stunt Granny is back with a preview of WWE’s The Bash. Kevin and Jeremy go over the event match by match, well unless we didn’t care about it, for WWE’s latest PPV. They cover the possibility of Rey Mysterio keeping his mask and how it is not as much of a foregone conclusion as you may think. They talk about the matches they look forward to the most and just what match they can totally do without. It’s all very interesting so you should check it out. So do it now before the PPV starts.
John Cena and Colt Cabana have both ripped off something near and dear to my heart. According to long time commenter B-Esser, Colt Cabana has marginally reworked the name to this column to suit his own purposes in a segment called “The Art of Pro Wrestling” (click on the link and go to the 8:45 mark) which did a fairly piss poor job of selling Ring of Honor merchandise. I’m not going to sit here and type that is was a brilliant plan to name my column what I did but I’ve been at it for nearly a year and since my misguided attempt to try and keep up with the gear that the WWE wrestlers wore (it changes damn near weekly) I have mainly focused on the merchandise. Colt, Eric and Jeremy interviewed you 2 years ago in Detroit right before you signed on with the WWE and you met Dusty and I at the same time. You know who we are. All I’m asking is for you to pimp Stunt Granny during one of your next segments since we helped give you a fabulous name.
On to John Cena who has taken a logo from the John Deere equipment that I used while running Ron’s Lawn Service in the fine city of Altoona, PA. He hasn’t gone throw back with this one (click here for the history of their logo) because he’s aping off their most recent logo but it does keep up his theme of nothing original in the design department. As soon as Cena walked on stage Monday and before ever seeing the logo, I saw the green and yellow colors and thought John Deere so the color combination has something going for it.
I’ll start off by looking at the new cap which uses the trucker hat model and is a perfect fit for the design. His last cap was a solid one. They do have the common thread which is the U C(an’t C) M E logo which is the only original design the WWE has for John. The cap is simple and fits the motif so you can’t knock it.
Next up is the head and wrist sweat bands. I’d love to see Cena wear his own head band in the ring during matches. The head band is quite simple with a green band. Yellow text is used for the Cena portion of Cenation and the remainder is white. On the wrist bands, they again use the U C(an’t C) M E symbol and in the other side is the OK symbol that he throws up before going for the Attitude Adjustment formerly known as the FU. I, along with my cohorts, have no idea why the hell Cena does so if you know why, please leave a comment. The hand looks realistic but it makes it pretty cheesy looking.
That leaves me with the biggest piece of the new ensemble, the t-shirt. The background is black but I think it would have worked with the scheme better if it were white. There’s nothing bad about using black though. The back is an enlarged version of the U C(an’t C) M E logo with ever present Hustle, Loyalty, Respect underneath it. The left sleeve has the OK symbol with Hustle, Loyalty, Respect jambed in there which they do not have on the wrist band. That’s bad design to me because it should either be omitted or in both places. Hustle, Loyalty, Respect is also under the symbol which is just overkill.
As for the front of the shirt, it’s kind of snazzy but I’ve got a couple of minor problems with it. The first of which relates back to the OK symbol. The cartoon Cena and “dead weight”, since it doesn’t appear to be a particular opponent, look different. If the hand had gone more cartoony like the characters, it would have looked better. The WWE could have done a better job with the letter too. Cena appears to be squishing the letters at the bottom which is fine but they should have made the “dead weight’s” back flat with the bottom of lettering so you can see it all clearly. These problems are nits being picked so overall, I think the shirt and the other gear is pretty cool. Now let’s hope that someone doesn’t get arrested drunk driving on their John Deere wearing this stuff. – Kevin
Torrie Wilson came in second place last night on “I’m A Celebrity, Get Me Out Of Here” I know this only because Prowrestling.net carried a story on the shows finale. I know Torrie Wilson was going to be on a television series but I was hoping for something on the sexy side. Instead, and please excuse me since I did not watch the show, she was stuck in the jungle and made to live there. Ok, sounds easy enough. As long as you stay away from mosquitoes and anacondas life should be rather easy.
Then I read she was stranded with eventual winner Lou Diamond Phillips and John Salley and I thought, well this does have sexy potential. But it hit me, Lou Diamond Phillips is alive? Who knew? I thought he went the way of Ralph Macchio. Wait, he’s alive as well? What the fuck is going on?
Anyway, so she came in second. Lou Diamond Phillips won and life goes on. Hopefully the next edition of this show will feature another former WWE diva and I’ll watch it. This will happen as soon as all porn has been eradicated from the internet and liquor dries up worse than prohibition times. -Jeremy
Well, we are back again and bringing more noise in Stunt Granny Audio #46. This time around the boys, Kevin and Jeremy, discuss all manner of WWE related business. They concentrate on the differences between Smackdown and Raw mainly and how one show can be far superior to the other. They delve a tad in to the Trump mess and how none of it made a lick of sense and not just to them. They also talk about the hierarchy of both shows and how one clearly has the business in mind instead of personal gains. There is also a discussion of just why Triple H got so close to Randy Orton at the end of Raw and how this could happen on a PG television show. There is more but like we say; you gotta listen to hear it all.