Lilian Garcia leaving, WWE looks for new bullseye

Mushmouth? Maybe. Smoke-dog? Shit yeah.

Mushmouth? Maybe. Smoke-dog? Shit yeah.

WWE’s company dartboard (TM my friend Scotto) Lilian Garcia announced on her website that she is leaving WWE when her contract expires.

The truth of the matter is that they are looking for someone new because I have given them my notice that I will be leaving at the end of my contract this year.  It is with a heavy heart that I have made this decision because WWE has been my family from day one and you, the WWE Universe have always been incredible to me.  The fact is that I am getting married later this year and have decided to enter into a new phase of my life…

If nothing else, she is pretty attractive, and she made her on-air debut in Ames, Iowa, at a Monday Night Raw I attended (the infamous “Blonde Bitch Project” episode and the one where Triple H beat Mankind for the WWF Title). So she’s got the Iowa thing going for her. I keep telling you people this state is full of wrestling history. And although you can hear a vast improvement in her delivery since that August 1999 show, she’s still prone to mistakes, even calling Kofi Kingston the “Intercontinental Champion” a couple of weeks ago. Oh well, WWE will find some other bangable chick who can belt out passable renditions of “The Star Spangled Banner,” attribute the wrong belt to the wrong person and take 33 minutes to explain the rules of a 30-minute ironman match until her biological clock grinds to a stop. QUIERO VIVIR!!! -Eric

4 Responses to “Lilian Garcia leaving, WWE looks for new bullseye”

  1. Fanatic 2009-06-28 at 8:50 pm #

    They had a really hot Asian chick, think Lena Yada, doing the ring announcing during the RAW house shows last weekend IN DUBUQUE, IA!!! You would have known that if you hadnt bitched out Nelson…or read the report I sent in on .Net

    • Awesome Dude 2009-06-28 at 9:41 pm #

      That was new diva, Angela Fong, you probably saw. She is training to be a wrestler and the next notch on Big Dave’s bed post.

      • Fanatic 2009-06-29 at 8:27 am #

        Big Dave went down at the wrong time. She doesn’t need to worry though, I’m sure she’ll get her “fill” from CM Punk.

  2. stuntgranny 2009-06-28 at 9:22 pm #

    Haha, you son of a bitch, now I do wish I could have gone. But instead, I was recording the new Hold For Swank album, available for pre-order at

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