Praise Jesus, we’re finally rid of Lucky Cannon! That dopey fuck couldn’t work or act his way out of a wet paper GNC bag, and his show-ending promo where he sounded like he was about to start bawling did him no favors as the door hit him on the ass. The meathead-at-the-bar punching game was quick and painless (and allowed Michael Cole and Josh Mathews to show more personality throughout the show), the six-man tag was decent and gave my new No. 1 a chance to shine, the Miz got another quality victory, and the rookies seem to enjoy each other and have a certain chemistry together. Do I smell another Nexus? Not exactly, but I could see the remaining five all being called up to one of the main rosters in due time.
1) Kaval. After weeks of seeing Low Ki’s offense look strange in a WWE ring, something finally clicked with me this week, and Kaval showed he could be an excellent fit in the former three-ring circus. He’s definitely the most over with the live crowd, not just overcoming the LayCool “handicap” but turning into a real positive with his facials and reactions toward them (ambivalence would have been a bad choice; sometimes he looks weirded out by their valley-girl gimmick, but overall, he seems to enjoy their company). And he didn’t fall over after his double stomp! Awesome!
2) Alex Riley. Numbers 1 and 2 might as well be a tie, 1a and 1b, only because Riley is such a shoe-in. He continued this week down the path of “a little too hammy” for my liking, but that’s because he has a great character and over-the-top delivery but nothing to sink his teeth into in the way of feuds or angles. If Miz weren’t feuding (in a way) with Sheamus, holding the Money in the Bank contract and holding his Summerslam contribution over the heads of Bret Hart and John Cena, I might be saying the same for him. To summarize, Miz is over the top, but it works, because he gets to both act and react. Alex Riley is over the top, but all he’s done thus far is act; as soon as he has something to react to, he’ll be money. (And even though I’m in the minority in thinking Matt Striker is the best thing to happen to pro wrestling commentary in years, I loved Riley calling him a nerd.)
3) Husky Harris. Despite only scoring in the 300s on the punching game, Husky Harris has portrayed himself as enough of a tough guy that we can’t hold his love tap against him. And in a slightly strange turn of events, it looked like he was chumming around with his fellow rookies… that is until dopey Lucky Cannon went for a handshake and Harris only gave him the Wolfpac signal. Good stuff from the aloof high school bully.
4) Michael McGillicutty. Oh, he was here this week?
5) Percy Watson. I still like “Showtime” and I still think he’s worth a roster spot, but I put him last because a) he continues to do nothing special outside of a dropkick (he didn’t even leapfrog his opponent between dropping down and giving him a hiptoss, and Percy’s vertical leap is one of his best attributes) and b) because I want to make sure people read this blurb and know I’m the first person who likened Watson to Charlie Murphy. Me. I did it first. Not Eddie, because that’s not correct. Charlie. Darkness. The guy from the Player Haters skits on “Chappelle’s Show.” That was me. You’re welcome.