According to someone on the PWTorch.com VIP Forum who couldn’t be bothered to cite his own source, Shawn Michaels will begin working with the Emerald Rainbow Family Fun Center in Spring Branch, Texas, making special appearances at children’s birthday parties. For a small fee of only $5,000, you can:
Make your special day one of the most special ever with a 30-minute visit from WWE Champion Shawn Michaels. Shawn will visit and take photos with you and your guests, as well as sign autographs. It’s a day you won’t soon forget!
Especially not if he brings his hot-ass wife with him. How much more will you tack on to the bill if she brings Spice from the Nitro Girls?
And just so we’re clear:
*Subject to availability
*An additional $5,000 will be added to your party package
*Appearance must be at Emerald Rainbow Family Fun Center
*30 minutes includes pictures taken and autographs signed for party guests
So why start Billy’s college fund on the right foot when you could spend a large chunk of your life savings to have the greatest cross-eyed wrestler in history sit at a table, sign cheap 8-by-10s and smile like he’s pretending to have a good time? Maybe he’ll eat a slice of that $14.95 cheese pizza that tastes like cardboard with you and your snotty kid! Maybe he’ll even strap on a lice-ridden helmet and step into the batting cages with your little buddy! Yeah, not very fucking likely; what you won’t soon forget is an old man with thinning hair sitting at a small table, grumbling under his breath about how he’d rather be at home playing with his own kids than at a fucking knock-off Chuck E. Cheese smelling yours. (Side note: I’m just jealous because I’m not 10 anymore.) Why not pony up the $400 in airfare and get Lenny Lane to appear at your kid’s party? It’s only about $4,000 cheaper. Or maybe Chris Champion will show up as Kowabunga, and then you can sue him and *make* money. What a country! -Eric