Almost Live, Definitely Half Assed Review of WWE Raw – 11 Feb. ’19

The Meyer May House in Grand Rapids MI. Designed by Frank Lloyd Wright. Picture from David Guthrie of therapidian.org

I was thinking the WWE should start us off with HHH and/or Stephanie McMahon on a weekly basis to really change things up. If you haven’t noticed, I start this column off with sarcasm quite frequently. We got a video package about what happened last week. Becky Lynch comes out with a brace on still. HHH wants to calm things down. He starts by apologizing for his words last week. He says that Lynch’s doctors said that they will clear her in a few weeks after rehab. The match at Wrestlemania is on as long as Becky apologizes to them. Becky is ready to fight anyone but she isn’t apologizing because they’ve screwed plenty of people out of opportunities. HHH tells her that she needs to apologize by the end of the night or else she won’t have the match.

Bayley & Sasha Banks finally tie all of their dumb skits over the past year together. It took them long enough. Tamina & Nia Jax get an inset promo too. They want to rename the Elimination Chamber the Samoan Slaughter House. Sarah Logan & Liv Morgan are just in the ring to start the match. Sasha Banks is smart and tags out to Liv Morgan so that she can take a beating from Jax & Tamina. Bayley tries to capitalize on a weakened Jax but Morgan delays her so Jax maintain an upper hand. Banks got taken out by Ruby Riott & Logan. Corey Graves having his cake and eating it too in the injury discussion by way of Becky Lynch & Sasha Banks. Neither Renee Young nor Michael Cole call him out on it. Bayley tags out to Logan. Jax runs herself in a post. Tamina tags in. She gets caught going for a splash. Bayley tags back in to beat up Morgan. Bayley connects with the Macho Elbow but Logan breaks up the pin. Tamina kicks Bayley in the head. No DQ this week. Tamina drags Morgan over Jax. Samoan Drop to Bayley for the win. Bayley & Banks have to start out the EC.

Elias is in the ring but Becky Lynch back stage with Finn Balor is more important. He tells her not to let her pride get the better of her. She compliments his abs. I laugh. Now we get a video package about Seth Rollins. Weird. Lucha House Party comes out. Elias is angry about the interruptions. Kalisto tells us that unlike him, they like to entertain the WWE audience. Elias insults Grand Rapids in a short ditty. Lince Dorado only has dance moves. Gran Metalik only sings one note. Kalisto has some guitar skills. Elias gets cracked over the back with a guitar.

Bobby Lashley & Lio Rush make their way to the ring. For some reason, Sonya Deville & Mandy Rose get a promo on Raw. Finn Balor comes out. Evidently his match with Bobby Lashley on Sunday also involves Lio Rush. Drew McIntyre is his opponent tonight though. A distraction by Lashley & Rush gets McIntyre a jump start in the match. Balor jumps over the ropes to dodge a McIntyre charge. McIntyre runs into a post. Balor tries to capitalize but Lashley & Rush distract him again. McIntyre rcovers but Balor gets the upper hand again. Lashley pushes him off the top rope for the DQ. Kurt Angle comes out for the save. Baron Corbin comes out to “even the odds” in Graves estimation. Renee Young & Michael Cole are again silent on this terrible math. Braun Strowman comes out and starts tossing everyone around.

We end up with a six man match. I think the WWE is trying to make me type long paragraphs this week. Lashley, the illegal man, attacks Kurt Angle in sight of the ref. No DQ. I’m just asking for consistency WWE. McIntyre & Corbin take out Strowman & Angle, again all within sight of the ref. No DQ. Balor flip dives onto McIntyre & Corbin. Balor gets held up by Lio Rush, still no DQ. Dominator by Lashley. Balor gets his foot on the ropes but even though the ref is looking directly at his foot on the rope, he counts 3. A ref I’ve never seen before comes down and gets the match restarted.

I’m starting another paragraph because only Vince knows what will happen. Braun Strowman finally recovers and gets the tag. He takes out all three of their opponents. Strowman does Ring Around the Posey. Angle stops Corbin. Strowman power slams Lashley. Strowman tags in Balor. Coup De Grace for the win.

Kevin Owens has been spending time with his family. I find it funny that he’s wearing a Chicago Blackhawks hat since he doesn’t watch sports. He says he’ll be back in another month but he’s not sure where he’ll land.

Ruby Riott is taking on Nikki Cross. Ronda Rousey tells Becky Lynch to apologize even if she doesn’t mean it because them facing off at Wrestlemania is more important. Lots of match interruptions today. Cross dives onto Riott on the outside. Cross pounds away on Riott who is caught in the apron. Cross goes to the top rope. Riott kicks her off of it. Riott Kick for the win.

Seth Rollins is out to talk. He got F5ed six times but he’s still standing. Rollins talks about Wrestlemania possibly being his last match in his career when Paul Heyman comes out. He thinks we bite when he fake introduces Brock Lesnar. Worst part of a Heyman promo in recent memory. If Rollisn tries to take the Universal Title away from Lesnar, Rollins will be the architect of his own demise. Rollins has held the Universal Title hostage for two years too many. He will sell his soul to the devil for his chance to win. Dean Ambrose comes out after Heyman walks away. Ambrose offers a hand shake. He tells Rollins to “Slay The Beast.” He really should have said “I hope Brock Lesnar doesn’t sand bag you, like he did to me at Wrestlemania.”

The IIconics get a promo too. Raw has been really, really weird tonight.

Dean Ambrose is ready to take on EC3 again. They have a real match this week. Small Package win for Ambrose this week though. Weird to have back to back fluke wins in a feud with one man headed out the door.

Alexa Bliss tells Becky Lynch not to be weak. She shouldn’t apologize. Becky sees right through her plan to get a match at Wrestlemania with Ronda Rousey. Bliss tries a different tact but Becky counters by saying “If she does apologize, she’ll be selling out Wrestlemania.”

Bobby Roode & Chad Gable are called “make shift” in the same sentence that it’s said they’ve been together for months. With the tag titles. The announcing has been something else tonight. They are taking on The Revival for the umpteenth time. Roode is taking the beating tonight which is odd. Gable gets to unload on Scott Dawson. Dash Wilder tries to attack him three times but never succeeds so I suppose that means no DQ according to his rules. That seems really stupid though. Gable wouldn’t have attacked him otherwise. Gable ends up taking a beating. He creates an opening with a side suplex. Dawson takes out Roode. Gable can’t tag out and takes more of a beating. Roode finally gets a hot tag. According to The Revival’s own tag team rules, they tried to get DQed 5 times during this match since Dawson failed to attack Roode twice on this hot tag. Gorey Special gets a two count for The Revival. Gable gets tagged in. Blockbuster/German Suplex combo. Scott Dawson makes their one allotted save during the match. Doomsday Device gets a two count after a Roode save. Dawson with a blind tag. Gable clocks the incoming Wilder. Gable goes back after Dawson. Shatter Machine for the win. No one is as good as them except the Usos, The Bar & New Day.

Becky Lynch comes out. HHH & Steph come back out. Trips & Steph really want the match to happen even if Becky doesn’t believe them. Becky still doesn’t trust them but she says “I’m sorry.” No one is going to take the dream away from her. HHH tells her that she’s going to Wrestlemania. Ronda Rousey comes out. Vince McMahon comes out. He doesn’t like bad attitudes. He suspends Becky for 60 days. We need Charlotte Flair at Wrestlemania. That part of the segment seemed rushed. I can’t believe I’m going to advocate for an overrun to smooth it out.

Kevin DiFrango

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