Almost Live, Definitely Half Assed Review of WWE Raw – 4 Feb. ’19

Pioneer Courthouse Portland OR. Saved from David Gn’s Flickr Account.

The WWE is going to start us off with a talking segment despite saying they were going to change things up. Funny how that narrative has changed. Stephanie McMahon gets ready to introduce Becky Lynch when she comes out anyway. Stephanie then gives her a proper intro when she’s in the ring. We then get a video package. Stephanie wants to have Becky evaluated by the doctors. Becky fought for her position at Wrestlemania and doesn’t want Stephanie to take it away from her. Becky won’t cave. Stephanie suspends her. Becky attacks. Adam Pearce shows up for his TV money in no time flat.

Ronda Rousey runs into Becky Lynch backstage. She wonders what Becky was doing to Stephanie. Umm, maybe the same thing you did to Steph? Liv Morgan has Sarah Logan & Ruby Riott at ring side. The poor announcers have to sell the possibility of Liv Morgan beating Rousey tonight and taking Becky’s spot at Wrestlemania. Renee Young is the only one to point out that isn’t viable. Tap Out in about 5 seconds. Rousey complains about the crowd booing her. She wonders if anyone will do anything about it.

Sarah Logan gets a match. She makes it through the commercial break without tapping so she already looks less weak. She doesn’t last long after that though. Second tap out for another win. Ruby Riott steps up on the apron but wisely retreats. Riott gets interviewed backstage. Ronda is going to have to wait for her beating.

Heavy Machinery comes out before another break. Otis Dozovic & Tucker Knight get a taped promo. It’s meh. Lucha House Party is team two in a four way match.

Bayley & Sasha Banks get interviewed about their losses to Rousey. Sasha gets fired up about the losses. Bayley calms her down adn says they’re focused on the Women’s Tag Championships. Alicia Fox & Nikki Cross are their opponents. Bayley & Banks may as well have announced their entrance like Sonya Deville & Mandy Rose on Smackdown Live.

The B Team & The Revival are the other 2 teams. Four failed teams in one match. That’s not exciting. When Bobby Roode & Chad Gable almost looking at a TV like normal human beings is the most exciting thing about this match, it’s not an exciting match. Shatter Machine for the win.

Zack Ryder & Curt Hawkins have a great promo even if Ryder screws up his own name while explaining how the WWE graphics department fucked up the spelling of his name last week. They’ve done everything together. They want to make Ryder & Hawkins Great Again.

People still can’t stop saying “You Suck!” at Kurt Angle. Just when he’s ready to announce his retirement, Baron Corbin comes out. Corbin lays in a few extra barbs. Angle finally challenges him to come down to the ring. Drew McIntyre comes out. They want to put down Angle for good. Braun Strowman comes down before they attack Angle. They fight some but Corbin & McIntyre end up fleeing into the crowd.

Fox & Cross attacked Bayley & Banks backstage. It spills onto the stage. Referees come out and suggest that Fox & Cross should stop. Bayley is in control of Cross after a break. For some reason, Michael Cole thinks Bayley needs to make a tag at the moment though. It was a valid concern that Banks needed to recover but also a separate issue from what was happening in the ring. Banks does recover in time for Bayley to start selling. Cross taking out Bayley on the outside with a cross body is the first big move. Banks pulls Bayley away from a charging Cross who runs into a post. Fox tags in. Bayley rolls her up for the win. I love an ugly win after a back stage attack. Shouldn’t be a pretty “I Hit My Finisher” type of win. Gut it out win with an odd ball finish.

Apollo Crews is backing Kurt Angle. Drake Maverick makes fun of Crews for idolizing Angle. Crews calls Maverick a puppet. Rezar gets mad but doesn’t attack.

Road Dogg is out to do an introduction for Jeff Jarrett. I can’t express well enough the disdain I have for Jeff Jarrett. But that guy talks himself into more exposure than anyone else who isn’t all that recognizable. I’m glad only three people in the crowd are cheering. They sing their song again because reasons. Elias saves us. They have a match. Angle gets put out to pasture by McIntyre & Corbin but for some reason, Elias struggles against Jarrett. Fucking shot me. Drift Away wins not long after I type my complaint. Road Dogg comes in and gives him the trade mark punches. Elias recovers and stares a hole thru Road Dogg. Jarrett breaks the guitar over Elias’s back.

Dana Brooke apologizes to Natalya about losing last week. Brooke grows frustrated at Nattie when she doesn’t reply. Brooke then yells at her saying she’s going to get a match for them against each other next week. Nattie is revealed to have her ear buds in. The comedy writes itself, kids.

Finn Balor is stubborn Irish just like Becky Lynch. He’s beat up, but he’s ready to fight. Lio Rush & Bobby Lashley come out. Rush says that “A mummy can’t beat Lashley.” Lashley thinks that Balor needs to fight people his size. His opponent tonight is going to be Rush. Balor drops his guard. Lashley attacks before the bell. The match starts with Rush in control. I can’t believe Rush is so small that he makes Balor look like Goliath. Balor gets small hope spots but Rush keeps shutting him down. Balor finally makes a true come back. Rush misses on a Frog Splash. Balor drop kicks him into the corner. Coup De Grace for the win. Lashley comes out after the match. Balor wisely bails.

Paige comes out as Balor exits. She just shows us the “Family With My Family” trailer. Alrighty then.

Alexa Bliss announces EC3 as her guest on a Moment of Bliss. Alexa wants to know if EC3 will choose Raw or Smackdown Live. Nia Jax & Tamina interrupt before he can answer. Jax talks about being talked about. People are just wondering who you will legit injure next. Dean Ambrose comes out. He says that she is sexually attracted to him. Ambrose wonders where EC1 & EC2 are? Ambrose wonders why EC3 doesn’t do his talking in the ring. EC3 decks him.

EC3 & Ambrose end up having a match. Jack Knife Cover for EC3 out of the blue for the shocking win. Except it’s not shocking for those of us who know Ambrose isn’t long for the WWE.

Mojo Rawley is still talking into a mirror. The WWE thinks this is a good idea. I do not.

Corbin & McIntyre vs Angle & Strowman would appear to be the main event. Angle has to sell because that isn’t in Strowman’s job description. McIntyre tags in unknown to Angle. McIntyre Angle Slams him. McIntyre then locks in the Ankle Lock. Angle finally gets out and tags in Strowman. He gets low bridged running the ropes. I guess it is in Strowman’s job description because Strowman didn’t get much out of the hot tag before selling himself. Strowman double suplexs them to create an opening. Angle gets a hot tag. Angle Slam on Corbin. McIntyre breaks up the pin. Strowman gets his team DQed for saving Angle. What in the actual fuck? Is this the first time it’s ever happened in the WWE? Raw was not the best tonight.

Kevin DiFrango

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