Almost Live, Definitely Half Assed Review of WWE Raw – 18 March ’19

James R. Thompson Center in Chicago IL. Picture from Skyscrapercenter.com

Brock Lesnar & Paul Heyman are the first one’s to grace the screen. Hahaha. Heyman says that Seth Rollins is speaking out Heyman levels of propaganda. Heyman reminds us that all of the smaller opponents Rollins rattled off last week lost to Lesnar. Heyman wonders why Rollins wants to fight Drew McIntyre so close to Wrestlemania. McIntyre comes out and tells Heyman to get Lesnar a new opponent for Wrestlemania. Rollins then cracks McIntyre with a chair from behind. He bends the chair over McIntyre’s back. He then approaches Lesnar. Brock is smart and ducks out of the ring. McIntyre is nowhere to be seen when Brock retreats.

Finn Balor is teaming with someone to take on Bobby Lashley & Lio Rush. Michael Cole wonders who his team mate might be but then when Renee Young says he has lots of friends Cole says he knows who it’ll be. Why not say who you think it’ll be? Lio Rush says that Chicago hasn’t seen a championship in a long, long time. Um, maybe pay attention to sports. Braun Strowman ends up being Balor’s partner. Oddly enough, Braun & Bobby battle to start the match. Balor tags in to take advantage of a downed Lashley but tends up on the receiving end of the beating. Balor side steps a charge and Lashley hits the post. Rush tags in. Strowman gets the tag too. Poor Lio Rush gets to take a hellacious beating. Lashley spears Strowman when he’s going for a power slam. That leads to four man chaos. Rush gets choke slammed. Running Power Slam for the win. Lio Rush really should have sold his barricade injury longer.

Why is a referee, who will remain nameless, having to confront Ronda Rousey & Travis Browne?

Alexa Bliss brags about herself for being a great host. She then introduces Elias. He announces that he will be the headlining musical act for Wrestlemania. No Way Jose ends up interrupting Elias with Otis & Tucker. I can’t bring myself to type about the drivel that was happening. Jose was actually dressed up in his own conga line. He ends up attacking Elias from behind and seemingly challenge him to a match.

They do indeed have a match. Jose is getting way more offense than I would have expected. Jose air balls on a cross body block. Elias finally starts firing off. A Top rope elbow is followed by Drift Away for the win. I’m begging Elias not to do the elbow drop any more. Worst one in the company by far.

What is going on with the new introduction format? Kurt Angle comes out but then they head to commercial. As much as I joked that the WWE was continuing their show patterns after announcing big changes, this isn’t what I had in mind. Baron Corbin will be his opponent. Chad Gable is his opponent for tonight. I’m watching this match while also being checked out. Angle is just not good now. It’s rough to watch. Gable is supplying all of the movement. Gable misses a top rope moonsault. Angle cinches in the Ankle Lock for the win. Corbin comes out to talk some trash. We’re only going to remember his last match according to Corbin. I sure hope I don’t remember this match.

The Revival not selling for Baron Corbin might be the best thing they’ve ever done on WWE TV. Apollo Crews challenges Corbin to a match. After some prodding, he agrees.

Sasha Banks & Bayley are going to show up on Smackdown Live tomorrow to shut up the IIconics. Natalya & Beth Phoenix come out. Betty was content to sit back and watch the Evolution but Nia Jax & Tamina lit a fire under neath her. Betty says that now there’s one thing missing. Bayley & Banks talk a little of their own trash about Betty’s age. Everyone gets a little angry.

Banks and Natalya end up having a match. It does get interrupted by Nia Jax & Tamina. Why didn’t they make this one talking segment? I mean, it basically was so???

Mojo Rawley is still talking into a mirror.

Ricochet is getting some singles action while Aleister Black is ona honeymoon. Jinder Mahal is his opponent. Sumir & Sunil Singh grab Ricochet’s leg to slow down the speedy Ricochet. Mahal starts wearing down Ricochet. He ends up speeding the match up again. Mahal rolls out of the ring. Hand Spring Moonsault over the ropes onto the trio. 630 Splash for the win. Amazing what wins do for your perception.

Seth Rollins is interviewed back stage about the chair attack. He’s ready to wear McIntyre out with a steel chair if necessary. He wants to show that he’s not afraid to fight fire with fire.

Ronda Rousey is pacing in the ring waiting for Dana Brooke. Brooke gets interviewed before coming out. Brooke knows she doesn’t have the track record, but she just needs to be better for three seconds. Rousey makes short work of her. Tap out win. Rousey ends up decking a ref. Browne joins in the beatings.

Apollo Crews is taking on Baron Corbin. Corey Graves is terrible at analogies. I thought Corbin was going to make short work of him but Crews kicked out of a Deep Six. Corbin points at the Wrestlemania sign. Crews takes advantage. Small Package for the win.

Batista is interviewed in his house in Tampa. He’s dressed in a gangster pin striped suit. He says he just doesn’t like HHH. Trips always talked down to him. Batista left because Hunter didn’t believe that he was a top guy. Batista made himself a top guy outside of the WWE and was finally put himself in a position to demand what he wanted. Michael Cole tells him that HHH has been nothing but good to him. Batista calls him a moron. Do you know what Cerebral Assassin means? Hahaha. Batista is ready to finish HHH’s in ring career at Wrestlemania.

Alexa Bliss wants to fix the problem between Colin Jost & Michael Che and Braun Strowman. He’s giving her a week to fix it.

Drew McIntyre gets a mic before his match with Seth Rollins. He’s not even selling the chair shots from earlier. He challenges Roman Reigns to a fight at Wrestlemania. Seth Rollins is ready to beat McIntyre for his brothers. Even Renee Young thinks it’s a terrible idea for Rollins to be wrestling McIntyre tonight. McIntyre has shown zero pain from the beating he took earlier in the evening. Selling is dead. McIntyre goes to use a chair when Rollins super kicks him. Rollins connects with the suicide dives. A Sling Blade gets a two count. Rollins goes for a boot in the corner. McIntyre catches his leg and flap jacks Rollins. After some jostling on the top rope, Rollins connects with the Superplex/Falcon Arrow combo. Brock Lesnar’s music hits and distracts Rollins. Claymore for McIntyre for the win. Shouldn’t McIntyre attack Rollins after the match if he’s bent on destroying The Shield?

Kevin DiFrango

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