Stunt Granny Big 11 – Week Ending 1/22/11

Yeah it's magical.

1. Derrick Bateman - Wow, did he have an awful commercial on Raw. The reason I mention him is because he started out in Pro Wrestling Ohio under the name Michael Hutter. I’m whoring out the PWO, go figure. – Kevin

2. Eric Bischoff - Mr. Bischoff redlined a column by our former boss Wade Keller at the PW Torch. He gave Keller an undressing that made no sense what so ever. Bischoff claimed that they misreported that “TNA is considering scrapping the X Division.” After giving Keller a number of definitions, Bischoff seemed not to realize that the word “consider” doesn’t mean “will definitely scrap.” Well, Bischoff must have allegedly stopped drinking because he’s had the good sense to take the berating down. Check the url – HERE – which now is unavailable. I’m even more entertained by Bischoff’s idiocy. – Kevin

3. Kimbo Slice - Could the former MMA star be the key to creating buzz for WrestleMania? Absolutely. If this were 2009. Hey, maybe that homeless guy with the golden voice can do ring announcing for the main event of WrestleMania 31! – Eric

4. The Core – First it was Nexus and now it is The Core. Wade Barrett and friends team up again on Smackdown and the marketing genius give them that as a name. The fact they broke up Nexus in to smaller units is good but naming them after a shitty Hilary Swank vehicle is ridiculous. I have a name for a new group that I think is way more marketable; how about shittymcfagcunt? – Jeremy

5. Chris Jericho - He was interviewed by Pro Wrestling Illustrated, and his answers to general questions about the wrestling industry as well as specifics about his career, life, books and side projects show that he’s the smartest and most level-headed man associated with wrestling today. If he never wrestles another day in his life, he’ll still go down as one of the greats. – Eric

6. Dave Batista – The guy hasn’t been around for months and has generally been out of the spotlight as well but yet his name keeps coming up as a possible entrant in the Royal Rumble. Jim Ross went so far as to kind of sort of deny it on his blog so take that for what it is worth. Of course Big Dave is pretending to start a MMA career with Strikeforce but we all know how that will turn out. What’s Bobby Lashley up to these days? – Jeremy

7. Randy Savage – The old man is slowly getting back in good with WWE. First he appears a few months back to announce that he is finally getting an action figure worthy of his stature. Now he is featured in a commercial for the upcoming WWE All-Stars video game. Being he was my most prized Hall Of Fame inductee for Atlanta this a good start. But then they have Shawn Michaels as the headliner which effectively killed that idea. Still, seeing Randy Savage in any sort of WWE capacity is good news. Oh, and the old bastard can still talk. – Jeremy

8. Dirty Laundry – That was the title of this week’s episode of iMPACT! Unsurprisingly, it didn’t deliver since Kurt didn’t air any dirty laundry about Karen and Karen didn’t get to say anything before Kurt attacked Jeff Jarrett. Good thing this episode was so boring I got to make my dirty laundry clean. – Kevin

9. Tom’s Snacks – Peep this:

The new sponsor for TNA. Out of all the snacks in the world, Tom’s Snacks are certainly among them. I think this is the beginning of a beautiful relationship. – Dusty

10. New Best Match Ever – It’s this:

Dusty

11. I can’t even count to 40 - I had to do something wrestling related this week for the 11 spot since I only got three. I know Eric loves the guy, but Jim Ross recently wrote, in all his resplendid wisdom and glory, “Bitching, moaning & complaining re: 40 man RRumble match underway. When has there EVER been more than appx 10 potential, viable winners?” That is an asininely stupid argument, because that’s *exactly* the reason why adding 10 more non-viable winners is a horrible decision.

Remember the 1992 Royal Rumble? (You should, we just did an audio about it!) Remember how almost everyone in that Rumble could claim some type of legitimacy towards winning the thing? Like even Greg Valentine, you could say, Hey, he’s a former Intercontinental Champion, he’s legit as hell. But then remember Skinner, and how when he got eliminated, Gorilla was all, “Well there’s one longshot we won’t have to worry about”? Well, now WWE is adding 10 more Skinners to the Rumble and expecting us to be excited about it. Smells like fresh fail to me. – Dusty

Genesis Preview (Text Edition)

Michelangelo was a hell of a painter.

I was ready to bash TNA for their shoddy build up for this pay per view in the audio context but I found an unwilling crew in the rest of my comrades. I can’t say I blame them. After watching the last half of iMPACT!, I’ve at least partially changed my mind. I still think they could have used a show last Thursday to capitalize on Hulk Hogan and everyone else showing up. TNA could have also pimped the regular time slot for iMPACT! along with building the storylines to the pay per view better. From what I saw though, they did a good job of setting up the matches and focusing on them with just this one show. On to the preview even if I’m not sure Dusty’s neighbor will get it tonight.

The Pope D’Angelo Dinero vs. Desmond Wolfe – I can’t believe they are having this match. First, they make Wolfe lose three straight major matches after his debut in TNA finishing with his loss to the Pope on the Monday iMPACT! so to make up for that gaffe they had Wolfe beat Samoa Joe this week. Way to fuck up three of your future stars all at one time guys. It should be an entertaining match and no matter who wins, someone is getting kicked down the ladder too soon in their push. Winner – Desmond Wolfe.

(more…)

Hulk Hogan Returns! TNA Rules, Brother!

After reading the forum, you'll know why I choose this picture.

I’m begging you like Mike Rowe at the end of every Dirty Jobs episode (You should be watching that) to go to our forum and respond to my take live as it happened (most of the time anyway) when Hulk Hogan took over TNA. He said he was going to change wrestling forever. Did he?  See what I think because I’m important. I bought a website domain and started posting my thoughts with three other jackasses. I don’t care if you think I’m an idiot. Tell me why and I’ll gladly reconsider. Agree with me and doggie pile on the rabbit. Just go to the SG Forum tag in the upper left/middle of our page and sign up. - Kevin

TNA Roster Game: DJK Edition

Dusty, Jordan and Kevin wanted to commit Hari-Kari after doing the TNA roster game.

Dusty, Jordan & Kevin wanted to commit hari-kari after playing the TNA roster game.

Dusty, Jordan & Kevin take their turns skewering the TNA roster while trying to stay on track. Count how many times we say “Do I have to?”, “Who should I pick on this line?” and “Oh gawd, this row is terrible.” We wax poetic about how some superstars would make a great home furnishing, whether anyone will pick a woman, what coming in fifth place in the Special Olympics is compared to and so much more. Join us on the this self inflicted torture.

TNA Roster Game DKJ Edition

TNA Roster for those playing along at home.

Don’t like what ya hear or just want to shower us with praise? Visit us at the Stunt Granny Forum and follow along.

TNA Roster Game: E&J Edition!

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This isn't a roster picture but who cares. Splitz!

Yes yes y’all it’s the return of The Roster Game to StuntGranny. In part one, Eric and Jeremy dissect the TNA roster and give their opinions and thoughts on who should stay, go and just leave wrestling altogether. They discuss the reason why Bobby Lashley is not needed and why he is bad for MMA in general at this time. They also come up with a good mash up for Sharmell and Jay Lethal. (Hint: It has something to do with Hulk Hogan.) There is also a discussion on who has a bad gimmick that can be salvaged with the help of Hot Topic and how so many wrestlers end up with porn names. There is a bunch more; hell there has to be since this is over an hour, so you better listen.

TNA Roster Game 2009 E&J Edition

TNA Roster for those playing along at home.

Don’t like what ya hear or just want to shower us with praise? Visit us at the Stunt Granny Forum and follow along.

TNA No Surrender PPV Preview

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Sort of in time for the PPV tonight, Jeremy and Kevin come at ya with the TNA “No Surrender” PPV preview show. Listen as Jeremy struggles with his end of weekend bender hangover as Kevin tries to steer the ship away from the rocks. The guys chat is up about the importance of Kevin Nash cool and the decidedly uncool Abyss. They also discuss how the Beautiful People tag match will go down since Angelina Love decided not to have a proper work Visa. They also discuss the four-way main-event and how there should be a moratorium on thee men facing each other until the turn of the year. There is more but the fingers are still recovering as well so listen before the PPV starts. It’ll only take you 38 minutes.

TNA No Surrender 2009 Preview

If you want to discuss anything you hear visit us over at our free Stunt Granny message board.

Stunt Granny Audio #56

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These dogs are a barkin.

Yes that’s right, it’s a Stunt Granny Audio on the weekend or a Monday depending on when you got over here. Jeremy and Kevin run down a few things TNA and a few things Smackdown in this edition. They start off with the fundamental problems of the Bobby Lashley/Dixie Carter interview from Impact. They then marvel at the technological handicap of Mike Tenay. They even manage a conversation about the flawed logic of The World Elite and Hernandez. Oh and Jeremy marvels about Sarita’s legs.

They then move on and of course, discuss the CM Punk/Jeff Hardy cage match. Not to leave out big brother, they also dissect Matt Hardy and just what is wrong with him right now. Before it is all over they discuss the suspension of Rey Mysterio and how he has no one to blame but himself. Yes there’s more but where’s the fun in giving it all away here? So listen already.

Stunt Granny Audio Show #55

Bobby Lashley can’t be this dumb.

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Our old friend James Caldwell over at PWTORCH.com has an interesting piece about Bobby Lashley possibly being a replacement for Josh Barnett against Fedor Emelianenko. Lashley is playing this one exactly as he should by saying he hasn’t trained and doesn’t want the payday over being ready for a fight. This is all fine and good but the real deal is he knows he’ll get crushed. The guy hasn’t trained since his last laugher of a fight over Bob Sapp.

Lashley should in no way accept this fight. He shouldn’t be in the country when this Fedor hits the ring. I know little to nothing about MMA. I follow Brock and that’s about it. I have seen some Fedor fights on youtube and that man will rip Lashley to shreds. Fedor once knocked out a man flying across the ring. Now, if he can knock out a man flying in the ring with one punch, he’ll easily trounce the stationary Lashley.

So let’s review shall we? Fedor can knock out flying people and Lashley has no experience and no known ability to fly as well. -Jeremy

Bobby Lashley signs with TNA, Dixie makes “Happy 1.3!” banner

Heeeey, Kristal baby, were going to Orlando, is that OK?

"Heeeey, Kristal baby, we're going to Orlando, is that OK?"

According to Prowrestling.net, former WWE superstar and WrestleMania quasi-main eventer Bobby Lashley has signed with TNA. This comes three months after Lashley’s appearance at TNA Lockdown, and the collective wrestling world has been sitting in the middle of its seat with unbaited breath and practically still with lack of excitement to see what Lashley’s next move would be. Dixie Carter said this about the signing:

We are excited to have him join TNA, he is a true star that brings so much to the table as a member of our roster.

Bobby Lashley is hardly a true star. He got virtually no rub from the Donald Trump-Vince McMahon angle, and while I don’t follow the MMA world with a spy kit, I can say with some confidence that people aren’t climbing over each other to buy tickets to see him fight. So be as excited as you want, but Lashley will bring pretty much nothing at all to the table as a member of your thousand-person roster. -Eric

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