Dusty’s Blog: Post Monday Night Raw Autopsy

If you didn't like this week's Monday Night Raw, this picture should hopefully put things into perspective for you.

This one will be short and sweet since I’m feeling under the weather today. Kevin wanted me to do this because he’s busy with something or another else. We’re choking down Summer Slam, so they better make this count.

Triple H comes out to start the show. How long do you get to be the new COO of the company before you’re just the COO of the company? He said there were lots of changes going on in the company, what with them going from having no champion to now having two. He said they’re going to resolve that issue at Summer Slam with a match between John Cena and CM Punk to determine who the undisputed champion will be. Punk got a big pop again at the mention. Hunter said a match of that magnitude is going to need a special guest referee of equal magnitude to keep the law and order. So, of course, it’s going to be him. Stevie Wonder could have seen that coming. Ray Charles could have seen that coming. A visually impaired person who needs the assistance of eyewear in order to see things properly could have seen that coming.

In any event, Hunter then got down to the business of laying out the format of the rest of the show. We’ve got a contract signing between Punk and Cena (I’m sure that will go just swimmingly), as well as individual matches for the both of them against other dudes. Hunter said Cena’s match is first, and actually it is going to be right then and there. I love how they do that on wrestling shows, the faux surprise “let’s have a match right now!” thing. What were they going to do otherwise with that time? Just show an empty ring? Have Triple H talk longer? Before they went to break, Cena got in Hunter’s face to question the guest referee stipulation. Hunter told him no one is bigger than him, basically laying down the law there. Interesting.

Back from break, and Cena is taking on Jack Swagger. WWE forgot to fire Swagger on Black Friday a while back, and they’re going to punish him for it by making him job on television. Or something like that. I’m not reviewing the matches this week in any sort of meaningful way, if you want to know the truth of it. Besides, Swagger is not good, so it would just be a bunch of sentences saying stuff like “Swagger did something poorly” and “Swagger sold something poorly.” I just saved you some time. Cena hit the Attitude Adjustment for the victory. It was your basic John Cena match that he had every week while I was doing Smackdown reviews back in the day. I guess Swagger and Carlito are interchangeable.

Later in the show is going to be Rey Mysterio vs. The Miz. Isn’t Rey hurt? Isn’t Miz not much better off? What’s going on here? They show clips of Bret Hart vs. Curt Hennig from Summer Slam 1991, which is one of my favorite matches of all time, ostensibly to get people excited about this year’s Summer Slam. Done and doner.

Ricardo Rodriguez interrupts Scott Stanford (the broski of the forever) to introduce Alberto Del Rio. Del Rio is going to be taking on Punk tonight, and he vows to finish what he tried to start at the Money in the Bank pay-per-view. So apparently Punk is a babyface now, in that he is a babyface when he is facing heels and a heel when he is facing babyfaces. Who doesn’t think Punk is this generation’s Randy Savage, the best thing to happen to wrestling in the last 10 years? If so, harm yourself immediately.

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