Something of some description is wrong with Captain Lou

First person to build a time machine back to 1987 and call that hotline wins a years subscription to the Torch.

First person to build a time machine back to 1987 and call that hotline wins a year's subscription to the Torch.

Former WWE Diva Dawn Marie issued the following press release regarding Captain Lou Albano.

Speaking on behalf of the Albano family, Wrestler’s Rescue is sad to report that Captain Lou Albano has fallen ill, and is currently at home with his family under hospice care.

Albano is not suffering from cancer, according to his family. While the family is grateful for the in pour of affection, please respect their privacy during these tough times.

Wrestler’s Rescue is collecting donations to be forwarded to the Albano family for medical expenses.

For more information, go to
or email questions to

Could you be less specific?

I can verify at this time that Captain Lou definitely did not get a sexually transmitted disease from having sexual relations with local sheep. I don’t know how these rumors get started, but I am here to once and for all put an end to them. Seriously, this is like on Survivor a couple weeks back when Ben was talking about how “certain people” in the tribe were saying things about Ashley and “it definitely wasn’t Russell.” Like, ooookaaaayyy.

So I have no clue if Captain Lou has cancer or doesn’t have cancer, whether he’s autistic, has a broken leg, has a sinus infection, has an STD, what have you, but I can definitely report beyond a shadow of a doubt that he was the worst manager I have ever seen. He was the absolute pits. And, now there’s something wrong with him. Or something. So yeah. – Dusty

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