Spoilers from tonight’s WWE Monday Night Raw taping

Raw granny

This granny likes it RAW~!

Kevin is texting us updates from the Nationwide Arena (Nationwide is on your side) in Columbus, Ohio (the University of Iowa is on my side). Here they are, in a timely fashion (with my asshole comments in italics):

7:33 p.m.: They have to top (tarp?) half of the arena behind the hard camera. The areas open are packed. Superstars match is the Bella Twins vs. Katie Lea & Jillian. (Godspeed, Kevin.) The Bellas win with a victory roll. The Bellas didn’t look bad until after the hot tag. Decent match. Katie got the most cat calls. Guards have passed out some DX glow sticks.

7:44 p.m.: Chavo vs. Primo vs. Masters for a spot in the Rumble. Chavo is locked for a Masters win. Too bad the crowd lost. (Ba-dum ching.) Masters got an OK reaction. Looks like a SS match. (I hope he’s not referring to the SS like the tattoo on Ludvig Borga’s leg.)

7:52 p.m.: Jericho came out and said he’d win the RR. Truth came out to a big pop (sad) and ran down Y2J. Truth claims he’ll win the RR (that’ll be the fuckin’ day). Short brawl & Jericho bails.

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