Douche.

Jeremy said these don’t deserve a write-up, but I’m going to write things up about each of these. An intro: Thanks to cali at the PWTorch.com VIP Forum, these YouTube videos from Matt Hardy’s YouTube channel have been unveiled. I had already started shaking my head as soon as I read “Matt Hardy” and “YouTube,” since the only thing more synonymous with “Matt Hardy” than “the Internet” is “the Internet while eating Funyuns and drinking Mountain Dew Game Fuel.” He honestly thinks he’s some kind of star on the Internets and that he can use these outlets to further his career. Well, it looks like Hardy took his Flip camera and started booking his own “stalking Drew McIntyre” angle. I remember when I used to do this with my action figures. Ready? I assure you, you’re not.

Good god, I would rather watch Total Domino-tion. In this scarily long video, Hardy rambles on for more than seven minutes about how much he hates Drew McIntyre, to the point that it turns him into a completely different person and that as long as Drew McIntyre is around, Hardy will continue to attack him. Simple, right? He could have said what I just wrote and been done with it in 30 seconds. But ohhh nooo, not Fatt Hardy. He has no restraint. He has no concept of time or interest level. He rattles on about the water and the sky, staying up past his bedtime, getting a hotel room, the news being on TV, the time of day (“Where’s a clock?”), and how McIntyre unearthed “Matthew Hardy,” as though that name is more intimidating. Even *that* would have only taken the thinking man three minutes to say, but Matt Hardy is so full of himself (and Chik-Fil-A) that he thinks he needs to go on and on for seven minutes talking all this bullshit. He’s like a little kid who borrowed his mom’s video camera and started rambling “like those guys on TV! I like rasslin’!” This is embarrassing, but I’m sure he’s proud. At least the next two are better, but they’re still not good, as per my “prettiest Denny’s waitress” theory.

He’s winded at the end *after* standing there for a full minute! And as a brilliant YouTube commenter wrote, What’s too dangerous, running that fast with a stomach full of McGriddles?

I hope you crash and test out that “will not die” thing. -Eric