Kevin’s Blog: Almost Live, Definitely Half Assed Review of Smackdown!

St. Victorious Dopplebock by Victory Brewing Company is what I'm drinking right now.

Josh Matthews starts out by hyping Alberto Del Rio’s victory at the Royal Rumble. Michael Cole then acts way too excited about Booker T joining the announce team. Booker gets a good pop. Vickie starts talking about Elimination Chamber qualifying matches. I couldn’t be less excited about the main event of Double K & Edge against Dolph & Lay Cool. I hate the slow and painful process. Just fire her. I do like Dolph’s claim.  It’s really weird that she’s in such a prominent role though. Even if it’s just for this week. Dolph delivered on the mic. Edge makes the save making the segment even stranger.

They recap the Orton angle for some reason. Gabriel & Slater are taking on Santino & Kozlov. So I just lived through a prime example of why I don’t do these things live. My buddy calls me and he has a tendency to babble like a high school chick when you get him on the phone. He’s harder to shake than my mother sometimes. I have to yap to him about UFC, Hershel Walker and gawd knows what else which costs me a good 20 minutes. The talk wakes up the dogs so I have towalk them. Down goes the drain another 15-20. Finally back at the seat with a Boxer slobbering on me.

Josh, this match isn’t a big chance. Cole points out their title reign in Nexus. Booker already saying he’s the good cop. The announce team needs to gel. Gabriel gets the flashy pin. I love that he doesn’t bust that out much. I just watched Superstars earlier. They had some odd teams on there. They could have a good division but they choose not to.

McIntyre takes on Kofi for the too manyth time already in both of their careers. Booker T already laying it on Cole. They take a break with nothing going on in the match, basically.

I can hear the potential in the announce team. I’m kind of pumped about it.  For some reason they get off track and talk about the King. Second half of this match has been much better. Wow, McIntyre gets the duke after some distraction from Del Rio. Interesting twist. So do they take each other on at the Elimination Chamber for Del Rio to get a big win? I’d say yes.

Rey takes on Swagger in another qualifying match.  Wow, that’s a quick commercial.

Looks like they’ve just milked the crowd during the break. Ziggler gets an automatic bid into the Elimination Chamber. Nice. Swagger is getting his ass kicked. Swagger turns it around. Swagger points at the Wrestlemania sign. Cole is really selling for Cody Rhodes. It makes him sound really gay. Swagger air balls on a second splash. Rey gets a little mojo. Mysterio wins in an odd manner. No 619. They go over the Raw happenings with Del Rio & Edge. Edge and Double K have an argument. Double K must think she can win the match. I guess that’s what is coming, huh?

Rosa Mendes doesn’t look quite right with the black hair. Booker already thinks Del Rio will lose at Wrestlemania. I think Del Rio is doing good but the crowd isn’t quite hating him enough for his status. I think he can get there.  Rosa seems to have grown a small ass. Nice. Hornie swings at nothing. Hornie whacks Del Rio who kicks his ass. Kofi makes the save. I think I just got my answer from earlier. Cole doing a good job of riling up the face announcers.

Chavo gets to have his ass kicked by Kane. Kane wins easier than even I thought he would. I have skipped Tough Enough and now the Chaperone.

Big Show is taking on Barrett who is accompanied by Corre. It’s the last qualifying match. I was going to shit a duck if Barrett won after the clothesline from Jackson. Barrett DDTs Show for the victory. Wow, he won quicker than I thought he would. Cole pimps Jackson after a slam of Big Show.

The main event has about 15 minutes to fill. There will be one commercial break so that makes it about 12 minutes of viewing. Vickie won’t allow the spear again. KK gets in the ring and they go to commercial. Dumb timing.

Double K gets tossed against the barricade. Layla finally gets in. Not for long. Kelly lays on a serious bitch slap. Cole tries to sell for Vickie but it’s really lame. Kelly Kelly with the Spear spear for the victory. Weird ending to a main event. Kelly gets canned. Even weirder ending. Dolph gets his rematch next week. To no one’s surprise Vickie is the special guest referee.  What a shit ending. – Kevin

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