Kevin’s Blog: Almost Live, Definitely Half Assed Review of Smackdown

An Edo Period Chamber Pot

I’ve already watched Superstars (featuring a whole lot of tag team action. Santino’s tights have too much going on now.) and TNA iMPACT! (which was better than normal until that terrible main event. The finishers for Jeff Hardy & RVD came out of nowhere. On top of that Mr. Anderson had to move himself in front of an awkwardly pushed Hardy into a corner. It almost looked like Eric dancing.) tonight. So I’m wading into the deep end by watching another “2” hours of wrestling. At least I have a Leinenkugel Honey Weiss and more cold beer in the fridge.

The 600th episode of Smackdown starts off with the coronation graphic. We get a 12 man tag match. Time to hit FF to save time.  Booker’s look at Cole when he rants about Edge being called champ makes it worth waiting to FF. Sheamus looks ridiculous and too cartoony now with the cape. Jeremy & I noted on our previews that the Raw Elimination Chamber has 4 faces & 2 heels and the Smackdown Elimination Chamber has 4 heels & 2 faces. It worked out for this match. The announcers are doing good work so far.

Nothing really happened in the match while I looked for the picture then they took another commercial break.

Rey is taking the beat down for his team. Edge gets the hot tag and takes on Ziggler. Finisher central time. Half the guys have just been standing on the apron during the match. Dolph wasn’t close to the ropes when Rey kicks him. Crowd goes bonkers for the double 619 anyway. Edge wins with the spear. Ah the Heat Monster. I still want to vomit after seeing Clay Matthews again.  This promo is doing nothing for me. The crowd isn’t even on her very much until she fires Edge.

They are really going with this Cody Rhodes nose breaking. I don’t give a shit. Cody Rhodes wasn’t important befoe. He won’t be important after. The WWE doesn’t like small guys and Cody is definitely small. He gets to stick around because of the name. Congratulations. Rhodes is sporting a clear face mask. The doctors just cleared him for travel. Well then how the fuck did you get to this show? Eve & Beth Phoenix come out before the commercial break. Cole is being ridiculous. They show the 2-21-11 commercial and it’s definitely Undertaker. I wasn’t paying enough attention on Monday. Of course, I thought it was UT all along.

Lay Cool takes on Eve & Phoenix. McCool explains that she is injured.  Maryse takes her spot so it’s still a blonde and Layla. Eve loses because of a double kick to the gut. That was weak even by Diva standards.  I do like Eve as an in ring talent if they’d give them any time. I get to FF through the Rock’s speech. More time saving!

I haven’t been watching for more than 40 minutes yet there’s only 47 minutes left on my episode of Smackdown. Booker compliments Miz on working his way up from the bottom. Good pub for Miz. Someone had a “Twilight Sucks” sign. Isn’t that, like, so 2 years ago? Miz in control for the commercial break.

Cole has fed Booker a couple of nice questions. Matthews sticking in the needles. Kofi makes the baby face comeback. Del Rio distracts Kofi. Del Rio gives a towel whip to Kofi so that Miz can hit the Skull Crushing Finale for the three count. This part gives a little bite to Sunday’s match. 588 episodes of Lassie? Holy shit.Raw will stay 325 episodes ahead of Smackdown. The tag champs won on Superstars, can they win on Smackdown? I find out next!

I am mowing through this show. Booker and Cole have had a nice back and forth about the Corre concept the last couple of weeks. Seriously, Santino’s tights have an Italian Map with a flag imposed on it, a graphic on the front, a different graphic on the back and the tights themselves are blue & black. Dear lord. I wanted to vomit when Gabriel had to pretend he’d lose to the Cobra. Big Show makes the save. Jackson gets the come here wave. Nice back down by Jackson. Wow, loved the Booker and Steve Austin highlight. Booker is flabbergasted and can’t answer questions. Awesome. Dudes are setting up for the coronation.

I’ve mowed through this show so fast I’m just grabbing my second beer. Yuengling with Sam Adams Chocolate Bock on deck. Vickie introduces Dolph as champion. Ziggler celebrates until Teddy interrupts. Booker pops for “Theordore”. Vickie cracks and blames Dolph. Edge gets rehired. They’re going to commercial with Edge standing outside the ring? Wouldn’t he go right after Ziggler now that he’s not restricted? Bad break time, especially with how it went down.

Edge misses a spear and hit the post. The announcers make it clear Ziggler assaulted Long just in case it wasn’t explained well in the earlier segment. Edge still wins in short order. Mr. Kent State gets canned. I hope he shows up on Raw. The announcers note that there’s an opening in the Chamber match now. Edge gets to gets to crow. He has been there since the first episode so it’s appropriate. Edge gets the crowd into the “goodbye” chant. Finished my viewing in 1:18. That’s why I go almost live. Thanks for reading. – Kevin

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