According to LordsOfPain.net (wow, who’da thought we’d ever say that?), WWE has issued a list of terms (titled “The Language of WWE”) to its international markets that may not be used during voice-overs for broadcasts. Is this like when we stopped saying “venereal disease” in favor of “sexually transmitted disease,” which recently then became “sexually transmitted infection”? Or is it more like not calling midgets “midgets” anymore? Either way, here’s the article:

“World Wrestling Entertainment (WWE) is a publicly traded entertainment company (NYSE: WWE) that creates and delivers a weekly action soap opera to its passionate fans.

WWE has been a recognized leader in entertainment for more than 25 years and has developed into one of the most popular and sophisticated forms of global entertainment today.

As a global entertainment brand, the language that we use when communicating on WWE is critical.

Please ensure that you are familiar and employing the below, effective immediately. “

Here’s a look at some of the terms:

* “Wrestling” or “catch” is banned. Some European countries still use the term “catch” to describe pro wrestling and “catchers” to describe wrestlers. “The Language of WWE” states that the following phrases are incorrect: “Wrestling is broadcast in 145 countries,” or “Catch is broadcast in 145 countries.” The correct terminology is: “WWE is broadcast in 145 countries.”

* “Sports” is incorrect. “Entertainment or Action Soap Opera” is allowed. For example, “WWE is exciting entertainment” or “WWE is an exciting action soap opera” is allowed. In the last example, “action soap opera” is printed in bold, presumably to make sure there’s no confusion.

* “Catchers” or “wrestlers” are not allowed. Incorrect examples are “Catchers are unique characters” or “Wrestlers are unique characters.” The term “WWE Superstars” is allowed.

* “Athletes” or “Sportsmen” are not allowed either. WWE gives the following example to use: “WWE Superstars are entertainers with tremendous athletic prowess.”

* The term “fight” is not allowed. Matches must be referred to as “match” or “bout.”

* “Fighting” is also not allowed but the term “action” is.

“The Language of WWE” printout concludes with the following “Key Soundbytes”:

* WWE is pure entertainment

* WWE is an action soap opera

* WWE Superstars are entertainers with tremendous athletic prowess

Now, before you get all up in arms, keep in mind that WWE is well within its rights to do this. If they want to be called “WWE” instead of “World Wrestling Entertainment,” that’s fair; in the snap of a finger, the NBA could change its name to “Entitled Ghetto High Schoolers Throwing a Ball,” and Mike & Mike would kowtow. If they want you to refer to their independent contractors as “Superstars” instead of “the future dead,” so be it. If they’re OK with being known as an “action soap opera,” well, give me my bon-bons and a Snuggie, sweetheart, because I’m toeing the company line. WWE has already banned knife-edge chops, and everyone but that idiot Trish Stratus has gone along with it, but you still watch, right? So just let them give you the style of entertainment you like, and if they want to call it a “Gobbledy Gookin’ Slobber Knockin’ Shit Storm of Family Fun,” just eat what they feed you. Or watch TNA, because that’s sooo much better. -Eric