Scott Steiner was right; Brooke Hogan is coming to Impact Wrestling

See, Scot Steiner was totally telling the truth. Dixie Carter tweeted that yes indeed, Brooke Hogan is coming to Impact wrestling and will be the head of the Knockouts. How fucking funny is that? Not convinced this is real? Well may I present to you exhibit A.

Dixie Carter ‏@TNADixie
Brooke Hogan to join @IMPACTWRESTLING as the Executive in Charge of the Knockouts! http://ow.ly/1Mm0ga

Not enough proof that this ditzy broad has no clue what she is doing?  Well, here is more proof.

And the prosecution rests. Not before another bout of pneumonia cough rage as I laugh at these god damn idiots.  What does Brooke Hogan offer to anything besides a nice rack, blonde hair and a strong jaw line? Outside of that the answer is nothing.  Not a thing. This broad can’t act, can’t sing and knows nothing of the wrestling business. I know we all remember that time she wrestled, um, with the decision to get huge beautiful tits right? Does that really count as wrestling experience though?

So for the benefit of those not keeping a tally of this at home; TNA now has two Hogans and two Bischoffs, one less Morgan, stagnant low ratings and are now going live. All is well. All is well!   -Jeremy

WWE’s hilariously stupid new idea: Monday Night Raw going to three hours every week.

What do you do when your ratings are falling; no one on the roster outside of three people are over and the top part of your roster may be off for the summer? Well, you extend your flagship television show to three hours.

Yes that’s right, if two hours of mediocre to below mediocre television isn’t enough for you WWE has the remedy; an extra hour. Starting July 23rd, just in time for kids in the south to go back to school (No really, they send these poor bastards back at the beginning of august for some reason), WWE is adding an extra hour to every single episode of WWE Monday Night Raw.

Oh yeah, starting July 23rd you will virtually be guaranteed to see Lord Tensai, Kofi Kingston, R-Truth, Mason Ryan, Kane, the tag team champ people, the other tag team, that up and coming guy, the timekeeper, some fat kids in the stands, bored adults and Big show crying, still.

Really thought, the best part about this news is the fact Kevin reviews Monday Night Raw each and every week here on Stunt Granny. Check out his Almost Live & Definitely Half Assed Review of WWE Raw every Monday night, or so. His descent in to madness will be totally worth the read. Have fun stupid. -Jeremy

Monday Night Raw Expanding To Three Hours

Once again, from the illustrious Jason Powell:

USA Network announced that WWE Raw is expanding to three hours beginning July 23.

The parallels to WCW are abundant here, of course. From Johnny Ace in a position of power, now all the way down to the oversaturation of WWE on television. I’m not saying WWE will be going out of business (like WCW did and TNA definitely will), but I do absolutely think this is a major roadblock for them that will cost them in the long run. I think if we examine this story again in two hours, it will be clear that it was a mistake, and they will either be deciding to go back to doing a two hour show, or have already made the move back. – Dusty

Hulk Hogan And Scott Steiner Still Hate Each Other

Here are some of Scott Steiner’s most recent Tweets:

Havent tweeted lately bcuz I got a letter from a lawyer representing hogan n bitchoff basically saying

They take my tweets seriously and if threats continue they will take to law enforcement….really hogan my

Tweets scare you,Ive said worse in interviews on tv,LOL,I want to thank you bcuz your actions speak

Louder than any words that i could have spoken,sorry for scaring you maybe I will challenge you to a game Of checkers,

Just when u didnt think it could get any worse in Tna,it has and guys are pissed bcuz hogan has brought In his no talent daughter,FF’n unbelievable,

When i said guys were pissed thats putting it mildly….

I think you capitalize “Tweets,” I’m not really sure. Whatever. In any event, here’s Hogan’s response to all that:

“Tried to be cool,not only a clown but also a liar.those weren’t my lawyers they were TNA lawyers. Well I guess it’s time to call my guys in, I really hope he saved his money or is making tons from the independents he’s working because it’s gonna get expensive, maby he’s smart enough to at least figure it out when it starts getting real,what a shame,what a waste of a great talent, but u can’t tell an idiot their an idiot. It’s really sad when you really thought someone was really cool. HH”

And, because no one was asking for it, here was Brooke’s response:

“A certain wrestler with a stupid mesh hat needs to #stfu. #1 stop overcompensating for your ‘little’ problem… #2 act like a damn gentleman #3 I’d ‘make more money on my back’ than you ever would in your whole career. Shut up. You look like a toddler. Ps: lol if he’s such a big scary man don’t block someone who’s never tweeted you. Mind you I’ve only been kind to this completely incoherent shell of a man. You really need to call ppl out to get noticed?? … Well you did and now everyone can see how desperate you truly are. Stop talking crap about my family. #turdclub”

I *so* want #turdclub to be a thing now. – Dusty

TNA decides they aren’t going out of business quickly enough

According to the esteemed, well dressed Jason Powell:

TNA Impact Wrestling is going live all summer. TNA announced that the show will air live beginning May 31 when the show shifts to the 7:00 p.m. CT slot. The announcement states that it will “continue through the summer.” You can read the official statement at Impactwrestling.com/news/item/3524-TNA-IMPACT-WRESTLING-Celebrates-Summer-2012-By-Going-LIVE.

So yeah, Hulk Hogan got his way on this. (For those not “in the know,” he had said recently that going live would solve 75 percent of TNA’s problems.) My personal belief is that, if you take into account the added expense of going live versus the relatively cheap cost of running on tape, multiplied by the fact that no one watches Impact, they are going to be 100 percent out of business by the end of the summer. Maybe if that’s the case, Kurt Angle will really have time to really focus on the next Olympics. – Dusty

Brock Lesnar Is Spreading The Disease

Get it? Wokka Wokka Wokka.

Brock Lesnar comes back and he wants to be an ass kicker. He tried to take out John Cena and broke HHH’s arm. Now he has committed his biggest assault by giving Tomasso Ciampa of Ring of Honor diverticulitis. OK, so Brock didn’t really do that. According to Prowrestling.net, Ciampa tweeted

Apparently even beasts can be slowed down. Had the flu and a stomach virus last week. Found out today I have diverticulitis. Down 12 pounds. Still plan on murdering some b*tches this weekend. I have a loss to redeem and more to prove than ever before.

It appears as if the disease isn’t going to slow down Ciampa as much as Lesnar, which is a good thing. Ciampa is one of the few good things going on in ROH. If the Dominant Male does go in for surgery, I wish him a speedy recovery. Oh, and best of luck murdering bitches. -Kevin

Stunt Granny Audio #185

The new ROH Champion is proud of his body.

It’s time for another rip roaring edition of Stunt Granny Audio, with Kevin and Dusty at the helm for your listening enjoyment. The fearless duo starts things off by talking about the illustrious new ROH World Champion, Kevin Steen. Can Dusty make up his mind on who he wants to compare Steen to? Is it Dusty Rhodes or Playboy Buddy Rose? Would a rose by any other name smell just as stinky as ROH’s decision to put the belt on him? Or does Kevin actually like the idea? One thing they definitely agree on is that ROH is in big trouble if they can’t get their shit together with regards to running the iPPVs. Are they on a mission to look as unprofessional as possible, or are they just that incompetent? They then move on to talking about the latest WWE Revolution? Is it going to be every bit as revolutionary as the last revolution? Is Kevin all revolutioned out? And finally, they delve into the earth shattering revelation of Linda Hogan and her new line of cosmetics. Dusty makes a startling confession about the whole thing, but you have to listen to find out what it is, and it’s only going to cost you about an hour of your dull, meaningless life. So get on it!

Stunt Granny Audio Show #185

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