So my man says that I was excited to watch Mike “The Miz” in Christmas Bounty last night on ABC Family. Since I didn’t get home till 7:40 due to the weather and the Cota getting me home 20 minutes later than normal, I had actually forgotten about the movie that was playing back to back at 7 and 8:45 until my man informed me that he put a blurb up stating I would write something about it. (Kevin’s Edit: She loves telling tall tales. She sent me the link to the movie so I thought she wanted to watch it. She hadn’t seen the commercial on Raw.)
I had no idea what he had written, until now, and in my defense, not ALL of the Christmas movies are horrific, but I do agree, very cheesy. I programed the DVR since I had soap operas to watch, then started Christmas Bounty.
Well, a few things to remember about Christmas movies, their plots are simplistic, the story lines are almost always the same, girl likes guy, someone leaves, girl and guy get back together in the end aka Christmas miracle, and the acting is eh. So when I saw it was a WWE production, I was thinking, uh oh, this could be worse than Catch a Christmas Star, which is by far the worst Christmas movie I’ve seen yet.
The Plot: A girl from NJ moves to Manhattan to start a new life as a teacher, she gets an uptown boyfriend and then gets a call from a guy she put in prison and runs back home to her Bounty Hunting family in Jersey to once again catch the guy that got out of prison.
What could go wrong with a stylish plot like this? Well, throw in Mike “The Muscle” played by Mike “The Miz” Mizanin (huh, that sounds way too familiar), a dad that wears nothing but a cut off leather vest and black jeans and a Mom who has her Double D’s out the entire time and you have a Christmas Bounty WWE production movie that isn’t even 2 hours long, 1 hour and 45 minutes, seriously? Though, in my opinion, they could have sliced off 20 minutes if the girls uptown boyfriend wouldn’t have been captured by the bad guy in a Christmas Tree lot, but then again, if he wouldn’t have been captured, then we wouldn’t have seen the Miz, I mean Mike “the Muscle” in his fire red Chevy Camaro doing a chase scene.
I’m obviously left with the fact that I once again wasted time watching something the WWE has produced. There was one funny party, but that unfortunately died quickly, I found him to be a creepy old guy making out with a teenage girl as they were supposed to be boyfriend/girlfriend in High School and yet he looks twice her age. (Kevin’s Edit: I couldn’t stop laughing about her bitching about the age difference last night. After going to iMDB, Francia Raisa is 25 and The Miz is 33. It’s more than legal. Of course, he’d be a dumb bell for cheating on Maryse Ouellet.) Seriously, get the roles right; and please stop with the pouty face and puppy dog eyes, they don’t work on RAW so why would they work in Christmas Bounty? (Kevin’s Edit: I’m not quite sure how she could fail to mention the epic ending. They finally track down the guy who is out of jail. He’s attending his sister’s wedding and it just so happens that nearly everyone at the party has a bounty on their heads. The Bounty Hunting Family breaks up the wedding, everyone fights, the shooting is as terrible as it was in Gangster Squad, The Miz took out more guys than Bruce Lee, the boyfriend who should be upset that Tara Bell lied to him isn’t and finds her more fascinating than ever but she turns him down and then she jumps onto the roof of fire red Chevy Camaro and they kiss.)
As to the rest of the cheesy Christmas movies that I’ll continue to watch through the season; I’ll go into them knowing that thankfully they are not a WWE production and during the credits I won’t have to see “the Miz” take his shirt off while trying to dance with a teenage girl ….. and to all a good night. – M