Almost Live, Definitely Half Assed Review of WWE Raw – 5 March ’18

The Milwaukee Art Museum saved from Designed by Santiago Calatrava.

Kurt Angle comes out and minces no words. He wants HHH. Stephanie McMahon instead answers his challenge. It always drives me bananas that all of the wrestlers wouldn’t be capable of income if it weren’t for the WWE. After Stephanie is done running down Angle, Ronda Rousey comes out. She’s pissed about what happened to Kurt. Stephanie then lays out all they have done for her. Ronda tells her she wants to name her opponent for Wrestlemania. Stephanie mockingly asks for a drum roll. Ronda says Stephanie. Angle informs us that Stephanie is Commissioner but has another contract as a wrestler and makes the match. Angle also reminds us that HHH has a second contract. He makes the match we all expected, Mixed Match Challenge for WM with lots of big names. Stephanie starts jawing at Angle. Steph goes for the slap but Rousey stops her. That starts a bruhaha. Angle ends up getting the best of HHH with an Ankle Lock. I loved the look on Rousey’s face when Stephanie fled the scene from being attacked. Stephanie comes to care for HHH. Rousey brings her back into the ring. Samoan Drop.

Asuka and Nia Jax are squaring off again. It was interesting that Alexa Bliss got an interview in during the early portion of the match. They’re really trying different stuff these days. Jax is going to end Asuka. Yep, Heel 101. Good on them. Jax gave Asuka a crucifix spin then dropped her on her face. Ouch. Jax gets a near pin but Asuka gets her leg on the rope. Asuka plays possum. Asuka locks in an Arm Bar. Jax power bombs her but Asuka keeps it locked in. Jax lifts her again and rams her into the corner several times. Asuka keeps it locked in. Jax lifts her a third time but sling shots her into another version of arm bar. Jax finally taps out. The announcers do a great job talking up both competitors. Jax is just dejected in the ring and slowly leaves.

The Revival are in the ring. They are facing The Bar for a chance to fight them at WM. Wow, the announcers are saying The Bar aren’t respected enough. I’m not quite sure how that’s possible. I’d wager a guess that only The Shield was the bigger name in the feud. Even before the injury, Rollins/Jordan was going to be a short term relationship. They had the Survivor Series match with The Usos. Neutralizer on Dawson for the win. No offense to The Revival, but if the Usos can’t get a match on WM, they don’t deserve one.

John Cena is on our screens again. He’s still never going to give up. He was granted this time to talk about Smackdown Live. He’s going to win the WWE Championship at Fastlane. Sorry sir, you are not going to. Goldust comes out and says he wants to end Cena’s chances at WM glory. Cena is perplexed as the rest of us are. Goldust ends up slugging Cena. It’s interesting that they haven’t fought each other, but Goldust’s peak was long before Cena was around. Goldie was gone for a good portion of Cena’s early run when he would have run into. Goldust hasn’t been in the main event scene since coming back which is wear Cena has resided for a long time. Attitude Adjustment for the win.

Bayley is being interviewed about her actions from last week when Absolution’s music hits. Paige makes fun of her for finally growing a spine. She reminds her that there is strength in numbers though. She is fighting Mandy Rose of the trio. A switch kick knee by Rose is the first move that gets my attention. She has been beating down Bayley for the most part. Bayley gets to come back. Sonya Deville fails in her first interference attempt. Deville distracts her the second time. Bayley rolls through and pins Rose. Absolution starts beating down Bayley. Sasha Banks makes the save. Banks goes for the hug but Bayley pushes her off.

Nia Jax is icing back stage when Alexa Bliss stops in. Bliss just rubs in the loss. She comes off so bitchy that it’s hilarious. Wow man, she really went for the gusto. Graves has got to feel a lot dirty after defending Alexa’s message. Asuka is the only person to actually defeat Jax. She’s slipped on a banana peel for every other loss.

Elias comes out and does his usual schtick. He asks for a second introduction. He flees when the lights go dark. He gets into a car and tries to drive off. Naturally Braun Strowman is holding the back end up because he’s awesome. The match unfolds as one would expect, a mostly whooping by Braun Strowman while Corey Grave ends up making a litany of Megadeth references. Braun drops a piano on Elias to get the win.

Bray Wyatt‘s entrance took longer than his match against Rhyno. Sister Abigail for the win. Matt Hardy comes on the screen. Hardy wants a match in the Hardy Compound. People who haven’t seen this nonsense before have got to be scratching their heads.

The Miz comes out and is ready to present The Mizzies. Seth Rollins, Kurt Angle and Finn Balor are up for this first award. Naturally, Rollins & Balor win the award. He continues to harp on those three for the next award. Rollins comes out and stops the award from being awarded. Finn Balor then interrupts him. After running them down some more, Miz challenges them to a three on two match. It’s basically a two on one match in favor of the guys on the ramp. Curtis Axel and Bo Dallas get in some offense. They get in plenty actually. Both Rollins & Balor ended up selling for them. Rollins gets the second hot tag. Balor tags in to be petty. Balor drop kicks Miz into the corner. He goes up for the Coup De Grace. Rollins tags back in to be petty. Stomp for the win. Angle then announces the triple threat match at WM. It would be odd for the champ to lose in a multi-person match.

Paul Heyman delivers a message from his client. As usual, he desroys in promos. He mentions that Undertaker is Taker 365 and only wrestled once last year. Props to beating him for Roman Reigns. I started writing this expecting the promo to be done but then he spins another tale about the belt being a Lesnar’s bitch and that if you’re champ, you’ve got to do some stuff you don’t want to do.Just a piece of verbal art work. Go listen to it somewhere. – Kevin DiFrango

No comments yet.

Leave a Reply