Almost Live, Definitely Half Assed Review of WWE Raw – 8 April ’19

The Dakota in New York City. Saved from cityrealty. Picture rights of Sotheby’s International Realty.

Oh yuck, we’ve got a Universal Champion that will show up every Raw. Thanks for ruining Seth Rollins win already Renee Young. Rollins took a beating from Brock Lesnar but he got back up. Rollins is fine if Lesanr & Paul Heyman stay in Las Vegas. Kofi Kingston brings along Big E & Xavier Woods. They came out because it’s a night for celebrations. Kofi loved the idea of Becky Lynch’s winner Take All match. Kofi proposes a winner take all with the WWE & Universal Championships. Rollins accepts.

Zack Ryder & Curt Hawkins are out to defend the Raw Tag Team Championships vs The Revival. Corey Graves pointed out something that annoys me. Why would you even think about tagging out after you just got tagged in? Zack Ryder was the guilty party this time but it happens all too frequently. So Ryder & Hawkins are the new B Team? Hawkins rolls up Scott Dawson for the win when he doesn’t realize Hawkins tagged in.

Baron Corbin comes out to gloat. People really need to learn to be silent for his segments. Kurt Angle comes out and fakes an apology. He Angle Slams him after a left handed shake. Kurt then applies the Ankle Lock. He releases and Corbin flees. Lars Sullivan comes out and attacks Angle. He would have been a better opponent for Angle.

Alexa Bliss challenged Bayley or Sasha Banks to a match tonight. Bayley accepted the offer. Why not both of them? Just beat the hell out of her. I still don’t get Bliss having a killer right. She delivers it well but her size makes it an odd choice. Bayley gets in a pair of high impact moves but Bliss grabs the ropes to save herself. DDT for the Bliss win. I guess Bayley is staying in a team.

Why is Corey Graves touting Becky Lynch‘s win? He was doubting the validity of her win in the immediate aftermath of the match. She’s gettign quite a response. She tells Rousey that whenever she comes back, Becky is ready to fight. She says that the WWE will give Charlotte the Tag Team Titles to appease her if need be. Becky knows she has a target on her back, but she’s ready for the challenge. Lacey Evans comes out. Becky stares her down. Evans looks her up and down. Evans delivers the Woman’s Right but Becky doesn’t even go down. They end up having a nice brawl. So Lacey is up first, huh?

Aleister Black & Ricochet are taking on Bobby Roode & Chad Gable, who are going to use new tactics. A throat punch by Gable confirms move of a heel style. Black & Ricochet do their Meteora/Back Flip combo. A low bridge by Roode leads to a change in momentum. Ricochet is taking the beating. Black comes n and cleans house. Roode takes a short cut to get the advantage. Ricochet tags in and gets to do his own house cleaning. The ref gets bumped. Gable pushes Ricochet off the top rope. Spine Buster only gets two. Neck Breaker/Moonsault combo by Roode & Gable gets broken up by Black. Gable goes for a Rolling German Suplex but Ricochet flips out of it. Lawn Mower by Ricochet for the win.

Elias warns us that there will be hell to pay if anyone interrupts his performance tonight.

Dean Ambrose gets to lose on his last Raw. Bobby Lashley gets to do the honors. They start brawling without the bell ever ringing. Dean gets the upper hand for a little bit. Lashley mostly kicks his ass though. The finish is a Spine Buster through the announce table. So I guess he didn’t lose on his last Raw.

Sami Zayn is back on the active roster. Happy he’s back. He puts out an open challenge. Finn Balor answers it. For some insane reason, he puts the Intercontinental Championship on the line. It was a good match. Zayn showed little ring rust. Balor won clean though with a Coup De Grace after Zayn missed with a Helluva Kick. Zayn grabs the mic after the match and starts ripping into the audience. I’m glad heel Sami is back too.

Dana Brooke comes on and congratulates Becky Lynch. She’s ready to not be in the back of the line any more. More sass. Now she needs to deliver in the ring.

Elias has his concert. He claims that John Cena is riding his coat tails. Hahaha. Elias then goes on to rap. He ends by saying that the next person that interrupts him is a “Dead Man.” The gong hits and Elias’s eyes bug out. It’s actually The Undertaker. I was sort of waiting for a gag. Elias thinks about leaving the ring but returns, takes off his jacket and confronts the Undertaker. Elias walks away a second time but tries for the sneak attack. He gets a Big Boot. Choke Slam. Tomb Stone. Fun segment.

Kofi Kingston is ready to take on Seth Rollins in a Winner Take All Match. I was wondering if something would come up and of course, they did. The Bar, Sheamus & Cesaro, ended up interfering. We end up with a tag team match. Trouble In Paradise followed by The Stomp wins it for the good guys. Well, no union of belts. Boo. Sort of.

Kevin DiFrango

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