Almost Live, Definitely Half Assed Review of WWE Raw – 6 May 2019

The National Underground Railroad Freedom Center in Cincinnati OH. Designed by Blackburn Architects. Assist to Boora Architects. Saved from cincinnatiusa.com

Vince McMahon comes out because that’s going to pop ratings. Woof. Roman Reigns follows before he can say much. You can’t. Yes I will. Daniel Bryan shows up. He wants to have an intellectual conversation with VKM. Kofi Kingston shows up then. Because moving everyone from Smackdown Live to Raw is going to help the ratings? VKM then gives us a “wildcard” rule that 3 people from each brand can jump. Kofi mocks him for coming up with idea after they show hopped. Drew McIntyre shows up to challenge Roman Reigns. VKM gives us Reigns vs McIntyre and Kingston vs Bryan.

AJ Styles shows up and they cut to commercial. Why is this a thing? Styles is pissed about the show hopping. He wants to go to SDL. Seth Rollins is pissed that Styles is worried about show hopping. Styles was mad at Rollins for treating him like a child. VKM wants them to team together. This ploy, ratings gold.

They are facing Baron Corbin & Bobby Lashley who is still without Lio Rush. Styles & Rollins buck the narrative and team well to start the match. Rollins takes a beat down. Styles takes the next beat down. Lashley tries to do the Big E spear through the ropes but fails. Luckily, he didn’t hurt himself. Styles drop kicks Lashley into Corbin. Pele Kick takes out Lashley. Corbin comes in and takes over. Styles essentially stumbles into Rollins who gets to clean house. A Mix up causes the loss. Styles takes out Lashley but inadvertently gives Rollins the Phenomenal Forearm. End of Days for the Corbin win.

Sami Zayn gets to bring us another talking segment that will be extended. It isn’t actually. Braun Strowman comes out and confronts him. Sami acts like he is going to stand up to Braun then flees. Strowman follows through the crowd, around the ring and into the backstage area. Braun tosses him into a dumpster. A garbage truck comes in and dumps out Zayn “into it”. I have to use quotes there. We all know that didn’t really happen because it’d be very uncomfortable for

The Lucha House Party gets a win because yesterday was Cinco De Mayo. I mean that doesn’t read well but The House Party has been losing left and right. No reason for them to face enhancement talent on May 6th other than that. They’re good wrestlers and I hope better for them but WWE treats them like enhancement talent.

Naomi & Natalya are pissed about Lacey Evans’ invitation. Dana Brooke joins the complaining. They have a surprise for Evans when the plan is hatched.

Ricochet is taking on Robert Roode again. Ricochet’s spot in MITB is on the line this time. You get another week out of this program but I still think it cost too much for Ricochet’s momentum since being called up. Just have Roode complain after a loss. Heels are allowed to. 630 in short order to get back the loss.

Samoa Joe gets to talk to Dominic Mysterio. Joe is angry about their celebration last week. He challenges Rey to a match for the Intercontinental Championship at Money In The Bank.

Lacey Evans comes out for a match against Ali Katrina. Women’s Right in even shorter order than Ricochet’s win. Evans then talks about how any of the possible winners of MITB dare not step to Evans when she beats Becky Lynch. She arrives and a new brawl starts.

Daniel Bryan needs to crush the consumer that is Kofi Kingston. He’s not a real hero. Bryan is ready to be the planet’s champion again.

The Viking Raiders are out again. They are taking on Zack Ryder & Curt Hawkins. The Usos have some dumb skit that will probably lead to some more terrible home movie later in the show involving the Revival. Ryder getting a hot tag is something I didn’t expect to see. He even gets in a swinging drop kick to the outside. That’s the end of the offense though. Shotgun Knees by Rowe on Ryder. Viking Experience for the win. I would have liked another week of them beating someone other than the tag champs, which is possible, but what do I know?

Firefly Funhouse is upon us again. Mercy The Buzzard ate something but he won’t tell us yet. Wyatt recovers Ramblin’ Rabbit’s severed head and body. Wyatt tells us you can be forgiven not matter what you did, just like he was. Wyatt then has picnic time with a group of unimpressed children. I didn’t mind that one. I’ll take it.

Seth Rollins isn’t as pissed about the Forearm as he is with Styles walking away from the match. Rollins promises to break his face.

Roman Reigns comes out for his match with Drew McIntyre. Roman fires off some early offense only to be worked over by McIntyre. Reigns reverses a suplex to gain the advantage. Reigns goes for his dive but ends up eating a boot. McIntyre flap jacks Reigns into the apron. Reigns is ready for a Superman Punch after the break though. McIntyre reverses into a spine buster and gets a two count. Reigns side steps a Claymore. Glasgow Kiss gets a two count. Reigns reverses a few times and ends up DDTing McIntyre. Reigns goes for a Superman Punch on the outside. McIntyre boots him in the chest. McIntyre tosses Reigns into the steps. Swinging Side Slam gets Drew a two. McIntyre goes to the top. Superman Punch connects on his way down. More reverses. Spear by Reigns. Shane McMahon & Elias attack to cause a DQ. So stupid. Don’t get to this point in the match if you’re going to do that. The Miz chases off Shane McMahon. Elias tosses Reigns into a Claymore. The Miz finds Shane who is running towards his limo. They fight. Shane low blows The Miz to get away.

The Revival are in the ring for a match. The Usos come out to talk. They introduce “Ucey Hot” that is a replacement for Icey Hot. Scott Dawson & Dash Wilder have to scoot around on their privates because it finally just kicked in. It’s as entertaining as I typed. The Usos give them water to help. The Revival dose themselves instead of drinking it though.

Kofi Kingston gets to talk about being the “impossible” champion. More of stuff like this from Kofi. Xavier Woods & Big E being hurt could be a good thing for Kofi.

Lars Sullivan gets to take out the Conga Line and No Way Jose. The match part never starts. Sit Down Power Bomb is again the finish. Lars Sullivan walked in on Vince McMahon but didn’t do anything.

Whatever weirdness started from Bryan being gone is quickly dispelled taking normal bumps against Kofi Kingston. Bryan gets to work Kingston’s arm for the start of the match. Bryan then goes for an arm bar. Kofi fights only to find himself in a LeBell Lock but he wiggles out of that too. Kofi twists into a cross body block on the outside. Bryan takes back over when they get in the ring. Bryan gets in the LeBell Lock for real this time. Kofi has to get his feet on the ropes to break the count. Bryan kicks Kofi’s arm. Kofi fires back with his good arm and legs. Kingston goes for Trouble In Paradise but Bryan drop kicks him. Trouble In Paradise for the win. Kofi gets the second biggest win of his career. I thought the WWE would go with this result but I wouldn’t have been shocked if they put the WWE Title back on Bryan.

Kevin DiFrango

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