Almost Live, Definitely Half Assed Review of WWE Raw –

Theme Building in Los Angeles. Saved from globetrekimages flickr account by way of

The WWE starts the show off with one of the funniest opening segments in a long time. Elias starts by insulting Los Angeles. When he announces that he will be the guest referee for Baron Corbin vs Seth Rollins at Stomping Ground, Rollins levels him with a chair. Then everyone in a five way match for a chance at Samoa Joe give him finishers.

The Miz, Bobby Lashley, Cesaro, Ricochet and Braun Strowman all assaulted Elias before their match. Cesaro gets a big spot by picking up and slamming Strowman. Unfortunately for Cesaro, Strowman eliminates him shortly after. Lashley doesn’t fair any better. Lashley gets bounced second. Strowman then just starts running into Ricochet & Miz. Lashley & Cesaro come back into the ring and lay out Strowman. Ricochet adds a 630 just for good measure. Ricochet gets launched into Lashley on the outside.

Ricochet & the Miz have a singles match after the break. The Miz started working over Ricochet’s leg, including the Figure Four. Ricochet reversed it. The Miz reversed it back. When Ricochet reached the ropes, I knew Ricochet was winning. Miz goes for another Figure Four. Ricochet small packages him. Ricochet gives Miz a Code Breaker. 630 for the win. Samoa Joe had been at ring side the whole match. He attacks Ricochet as he celebrates. Ricochet low bridges Joe. Moonsault with a Twist to the floor. Ricochet stands tall.

Becky Lynch is next out. She wastes no time in calling out Lacey Evans. She’s going to kick her ass all over LA. Evans comes out and says that Lynch keeps on getting her wrong. As I wonder why they haven’t brought her military back ground up, she brings it up to help validate her toughness. Lynch fires back that Evans has lost her virtue of her former self.

I’ll mention that Scott Dawson, Dash Wilder, Shane McMahon & Drew McIntyre were drinking champagne. That gets a lot of bold print out of the way.

Baron Corbin does some actual talking to Charley Caruso though. Corbin says that he has lots of friends so he’s not worried that Elias has turned down the referee spot. Rollins whacks him with a chair. Rollins tells Corbin that he has more work to do.

Daniel Bryan comes out with Erick Rowan. He runs down LA for eco related reasons. DB is going to beat Rollins to prove tonight that he is better than Raw’s best. The Viking Raiders made short work of local talent. More importantly, they had a stare down with Rowan & DB.

Heath Slater joined the Shane McMahon party. Slater asks for a raise and gets turned down. Shane then sounds out McIntyre to beat him up. McIntytre suckers him in with some sympathy to make it hurt worse.

Sami Zayn & Kevin Owens have a talk show. We’re getting more Baron Corbin whether we like it or not. He introduces EC3 as his new guest referee. Rollins gives him the chair treatment. Corbin is flustered. The New Day shows up. They cover up a prone EC3 which gets a laugh out of me. Owens challenges Kofi. Kingston points out that he has beaten KO already. New Day “Weekend At Bernie’s” EC3. I can’t believe that’s an accepted verb.

AJ Styles is being checked out by a doctor. Karl Anderson & Luke Gallows come in as doctors. AJ gets to call them lazy. Anderson says they’ll beat the Usos tonight.

Back to the six man match which is inexplicably a 2 Out of 3 Falls Match. Woods rolls up Zayn out of the blue for the first fall. Big E is taking the beating after a commercial. I don’t remember the last time E had to sell for an extended time period. A Belly To Belly creates an openign for Big E to tag in Kofi. He gets to take out Corbin. Zayn distracts Kofi. Deep Six by Corbin. Corbin does his ring post U Turn Clothesline. Kofi ducks and Corbin hits Zayn. Owens and Corbin get in a fight. Zayn & Owens leave. Trouble In Paradise for the win.

Nikki Cross & Alexa Bliss are teaming against the IIconics tonight. Bliss lays more bad Bayley rumors.

Paul Heyman comes out and says that he won’t be the guest referee for Baron Corbin’s match for fear of being beaten with a chair by Rollins. Heyman plays the “Is Brock Here or Isn’t He Here?” Card.

Corbin is talking to Eric Young. Young tells Corbin he’ll think about it. Rollins runs into him shortly after. He pretends like he’s not going to smash Young but then does it.

The Usos have some cool new sweat shirts. The announcers get to pile on Anderson & Gallows about them being lazy. Except both of them are in better shape than they were when they came into the WWE. Anderson takes his time showing off. It costs Gallows who tags in and eats three super kicks. The Usos win.

Roman Reigns calls out Shane McMahon. We get Shane on the Titantron. The only thought running through my head is “If they let someone have as much time on TV as Shane and gave him the big wins that he’s gotten, they’d have a new super star.” Reigns goes back to the VIP Lounge to attack Shane. Reigns has to take out The Revival first. He then takes out McIntyre. Reigns chases Shane to ring side. He Superman Punches and Spears Shane. Reigns tells Shane to tell McIntyre that he’ll whoop him on Sunday.

Charley asks Bayley why she won’t take a picture with a fan who has a Nikki Cross shirt. Bayley says it’s bunk. She’s going to prove Bliss wrong. The IIConics come out. We get our third promo insulting LA. Woof. Corey Graves & Michael Cole point out that LA has 8 other teams someone could make fun of. Glad they’re thinking like me. The announcers also tell we have this match because of spilled coffee. You didn’t misread that sentence. Bayley comes out before the match starts.

Corey Graves actually sticks to an opinion when someone he likes (Bliss) is in it (New tag teams haven’t gelled properly to win.) Bliss confronts Bayley. She gets to pretend like she’s the fallen maiden so that Nikki Cross can side with her. Why you want your baby face champ to look like a chump is beyond me but whatever. I’m used to it at this point.

Nikki & Alexa have their coming together moment after a commercial.

The Firefly Funhouse is up. We find out that Bray is a Flat Earther. He also believes that dinosaurs are still alive. Fear Is Power. Follow The Leader.

DB isn’t worried about Rollins because he can’t wrestle with a chair in his hand. DB is the better wrestler. The match starts fast. Rowan gives him a Claw Slam on the apron to cause a DQ. New Day makes the save. Kevin Owens, Sami Zayn, The Revival and Usos all come out. Everyone gets tossed from ring side and they’re going to restart the match.

A German Suplex by DB causes Rollins to roll outside the ring. DB catches him with a jumping knee. Rollins recovers in the ring. Superplex. Rollins goes for the Falcon Arrow. DB reverses into the LeBell Lock. DB goes for the running knee. Rollins catches him and Buckle Bombs him. DB blocks a Splash and gets in another LeBell Lock. Rollins reverses. Stomp on Bryan for the Rollins win. Corbin attacks Rollins with a steel chair. I was waiting for those attacked to assault Rollins. End of Days on Rollins in the ring. If Corbin wins, I’ll only podcast about these shows.

Kevin DiFrango

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