Almost Live, Definitely Half Assed Review of WWE Raw – 29 July ’19

The Arkansas Arts Center in Little Rock AR. Picture saved from

The WWE starts us off with a video package about the 24/7 Championship. It gets my wife to laugh. They follow with a match. Drake Maverick & Renee against R Truth & Carmella. The Wife chimes in again talking about how ridiculous it is that Maverick can’t consummate his marriage. In short order, Truth pins him. Truth is then attacked by all of the lumber jacks that they called a mosh pit for reasons unknown to everyone but Vince McMahon. Mike Kannelis comes out of the pile with the 24/7 Championship. Kannelis runs to the back and ends up hiding in the WWE Officials locker room. Maria Kannelis gets the crowd to break up. Mike won’t let her in. She threatens to kick him in the vagina, which gets a pop. Mike lets in Maria.

We get a Gaunlet Match to get around the “no action during the break” edict. Rey Mysterio starts off against Cesaro. Holy cow, they broke the edict but Cesaro was resting on the outside with no action happening. Action did happen though since Mysterio is taking a beating. A Bulldog off the top rope turned the tide for Rey. 619 & a Splash win it for Mysterio. Sami Zayn is the next one up. Zayn goes right after Rey, even before the bell. Zayn goes for the Helluva Kick. Rey ducks and rolls him up for a quick win.

Zelina Vega & Andrade come out for the next. Mysterio puts up a fight but ultimately actually shows wear and tear from the previous match. Andrade wins.

Ricochet is the last man out. Ricochet comes out hot. Vega grabs his leg when the referee has his back turned. Andrade gains control. Ricochet turns it around quick. Ricochet rolls through a top rope attempt. Andrade counters in a hop toss into the turn buckles. Meteora follows it but only gets two. Ricochet gets two from an inverted huricanrana. They fight on the top rope. Andrade loses. 630 for the win. Ricochet is facing AJ Styles again. Ricochet gets an interview after the match. He was as surprised as many onlookers that he won the US Championship. Ricochet is going to prove it wasn’t a fluke at Summerslam.

Mike Kannelis won the 24/7 Championship for us. Maria tells him to get on his back. Maria pins him to become Champion. She leaves the locker room to taunt all of the usual competitors.

Alexa Bliss & Nikki Cross are out for A Moment of Bliss. She shows us video footage of Becky Lynch attacking Natalya while she was training. Bliss wonders why people are cheering these actions. Bliss tells us that she’ll knock down Lynch a few pegs. Lynch pops on the screen and tells Bliss she’ll have to pay for words later tonight.

We get a triple threat match for the Raw Tag Team Titles. The Usos vs The O.C. vs The Revival. Scott Dawson starts against Jimmy Uso. Dash Wilder has added a sling shot head butt to his arsenal. No Flips, Just Fists, am I right? Jey faces off against Wilder. The Revival & Usos continue to keep Karl Anderson & Luke Gallows out of the ring. More action happens during commercials. Thank goodness they killed that edict. I don’t mind them trying to minimize it but getting rid of it killed the flow of their product. The OC finally got into the match and played keep away like the other teams. Smartest triple threat tag match I’ve seen in years on WWE programming. Jimmy finally gets a hot tag. There’s a spot that was supposed to show off Wilder’s power but it did quite the opposite. The hotness ends. Top Rope Bulldog on Jimmy. Anderson makes the save. Everyone left standing takes out someone else. Scott Dawson gets superplexed onto everyone buy Jimmy. Dawson gets rolled back. Jimmy goes for the Splash but Dawson moves. Gallows tags in. Shatter Machine on Jimmy. Jey takes out The Revival. Anderson takes out Jey. Magic Killer on Jimmy for the win.

The Viking Raiders come out after that match. Who thought this was a good idea? Johnny James & Cole Carter are the fodder this week.

The Street Profits get their Raw Review on again. Montez Ford implies that Angelo Dawkins is the father of Maria Kannelis’s baby. Dawknis tells Ford to stop joking. Seth Rollins stops in to party with them.

Becky Lynch has her match with Alexa Bliss. Naturally, Cross joins her at ring side. I feel like the weekend shaming of Renee Young that went viral has helped her be assertive tonight. Cross helps Bliss gain control. Bliss has some sustained offensive momentum. Lynch finally turns it around. Bliss fakes an injury. The”doctor” calls off the match. Lynch wins. Cross gets up on the apron and starts arguing with Lynch. She challenges her to a match. Before I even FF, Lynch is an idiot for accepting the match.

The WWE undoes what they did earlier in the night. Lynch walks over Cross even though she was already in one match. Bliss recovers after the match and attacks. Natalya comes out and chases away Bliss & Cross. She slaps on a Sharpshooter. Natalya gets interviewed back stage. She said it’s not about friendship but respect. She challenges Lynch to a submission match but then takes it back because Becky won’t accept it. Huh? Why makes a challenge you immediately retract? Why wouldn’t Becky accept considering the Dis-Arm-Her is her main finisher?

Maria Kannelis continues to gloat. Braun Strowman looks at her while she berates him.

Dolph Ziggler gets the mic before his match against Seth Rollins. We get a commercial before much happens. Rollins is taking it to Ziggler. Dolph finally gets in some offense. A Zig Zag tops off the initial run. It only gets a two count. Rollins betas Ziggler to the Super Kick. He plants a second one on him. Rollins gets ready for The Stomp. Brock Lesnar shows up with Paul Heyman. Rollins prepares for a fight. Ziggler grabs Rollins leg so that Lesnar can pounce. He tops off his assault by F5ing Rollins onto a chair top. Some weirdos chant “This is awesome.” Lesnar gives him a third one. Heyman finally talks him into stopping the assault.

Roman Reigns is looking at Seth Rollins being taken away in an ambulance. Samoa Joe & The OC show up to attack him and The Usos. Brock Lesnar stops the ambulance. He pulls Rollins out of the ambulance and tosses him around again.

The Samoan Summit is going to be interesting. I mean, how do you top that beating? Samoa Joe just wants a fight. So we get two consecutive violence soaked segments? I know this one isn’t one sided but it’s still a continuation. Drew McIntyre joins the fight. Cedric Alexander comes out to make the save. Joe turns Alexander inside out with a clothes line. The fighting goes to the stage. The Usos & OC join the fight again. Alexander comes off the top of the Ribbon LED Board. Roman Reigns saves Alexander from a Magic Killer. Superman Punches all around. Flip Dive by Alexander. Super Kicks by The Usos. Babyfaces stand tall. Happy ending, I guess. That beating was a much longer (and well done) segment.

Kevin DiFrango

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