Almost Live, Definitely Half Assed Review of WWE Raw – 12 August ’19

Art Gallery, Canada, Ontario, Toronto, designed by Frank Gehry. Saved from Picture from Pinterest user Alamy.

The WWE is seeing if Seth Rollins can keep momentum with this Universal Title reign right out of the gate. He tells the crowd that they helped him dig deeper than ever before to help him slay the Beast again. Yuck. AJ Styles comes out with Karl Anderson & Luke Gallows. Styles challenges Rollins to a match. Because in the world of the WWE, injuries don’t matter, Seth accepts.

The Street Profits are still doing their thing. Montez Ford is hyped. Angelo Dawkins is hung over so he can’t handle the hype. Sami Zayn ruins Ford’s fun time. He tells them that everyone gets jaded in the WWE. Zayn goes on to make fun of Samoa Joe, who conveniently right behind him. Joe proposes a match.

We get the match after a Roman Reigns recap. Kokina Clutch in short order to try and re-establish Joe. He yells at the crowd to try and garner some heat despite “Joe! Joe! Joe!” chants.

The Miz comes out for a match against Dolph Ziggler. Ziggler comes out in street clothes. Ziggler says that he can’t compete tonight so Miz’s grand plan isn’t going to work. Ziggler attacks The Miz after he turns his back. We get a match, after a commercial. I get a good laugh out of Michael Cole leaving Corey Graves speechless by telling him how defenseless Ziggler’ actions are. Cole even pointed out that Graves didn’t have his usual quippy come back. Graves then proceeded to come up with the dumbest defense of anyone ever. Ziggler taps out to the Figure Four. Ziggler gets back on the mic, like last night. Skull Crushing Finale for his mouth running.

Charley Caruso introduces Becky Lynch. Becky wants to get everyone that has gotten her in the past. She tells everyone to get her before she gets them.

Elias strums. He then requests that someone to come out before they can interrupt his song. No one comes out. Elias goes to play and Ricochet‘s music hits. Elias brings the guitar into the ring. He relinquishes it. Ricochet takes advantage. Top rope Sunset flip for a pin. The referee clearly didn’t see a shoulder up. I guess that means this will be a feud moving forward.

I didn’t think the WWE was going to take me up on my offer of having Andrade vs Rey Mysterio every week this year. I can actually believe there’s a reason to have a 2 out of 3 falls match. Andrade has his feet on the ropes and Zelina Vega is holding them during the first quick fall. Rey takes Andrade off the apron to the floor with a huracanrana. Andrade took control for a short spell. A missed Meteora gave Rey another opening. Rey connects on a 619. Rey goes for a Frog Splash. Andrade gets his knees up. Hammerlock DDT for the win. Rey is left in the ring wondering why he came back.

Michael Cole interviews Steve Austin on Skype. The feed from 316 Gimmick Street is straight trash. Austin puts over Seth Rollins. Even says he finally knows who Seth “Freakin'” Rollins is. A back handed compliment if I ever heard one.

Charley asks Rey about his recent loses to Andrade. Rey knows he needs to support his family. Another terrible financial planner angle will go over great.

Angelo Dawkins gets to act like he’s passed out. Montez Ford is still hyped. He’s also still annoyed with Dawkins.

Drew McIntyre is putting an end to Cedric Alexander tonight. He’s going to crush in Alexander’s skull with a Claymore. I mean, it’s possible but it didn’t happen to Reigns when his cranium bounced off a ring post. Alexander starts off hot. McIntyre gives Alexander a Razor’s Edge into the turn buckles. Alexander uses his speed to get back into the match. Alexander reverses into a DDT for a near fall. McIntyre fights back from the middle rope. Flipping Side Slam by McIntyre for a two count. Lumbar Check on the outside. Alexander goes for a suicide dive. McIntyre catches him and suplexes him onto the ramp/walkway. Cedric plays possum back in the ring. Small package for a near fall. Spanish Fly by Alexander gets another two count. Alexander rolls through on an inverted Alabama Slam for a third two count. Alexander goes running the ropes. McIntyre gets him with a Claymore that Alexander sells with a flip. What a fun match. That’s the best short-ish match that I’ve seen on Raw in a while.

No Way Jose is taking on Robert Roode. Renee Young has been better since her Twitter Troll moment. Her come back to Graves about Toronto being a bunch of “cement mixers” was not one of her brighter moments though. Glorious DDT for the win. Hopefully you make it back to the midcard Robert.

Charley interview Paul Heyman was more important than that match. The no rematch clause comes in handy for Brock Lesnar and him alone. Heyman is left speechless because Lesnar doesn’t get one.

Gran Metallik & Lince Dorado are taking on The Revival. Kalisto is on the outside. R Truth & Carmella come out and cause a DQ. R Truth loses it then wins it back. Carmella & Truth sneak back onto the stage and celebrate in the back. Elias comes up from behind and cracks him with a guitar. Elias is your new 24/7 Champion.

Natalya has to come out in a sling. What a panzy. Seth Rollins is still ready to go tonight. She talks about needing to have an MRI on her elbow. When she comes back from injury, she wants Becky Lynch again. Natalya starts to talk about her father having died a year ago. Sasha Banks interrupts her. Sasha hugs her then attacks her after “going for a mic.” Banks assaults Natalya. The crowd is cheering for the most part. Graves more than doubling down on his “Sasha is terrible” talk. Becky Lynch stops the beating. Sasha ends up getting the upper hand on Lynch. Sasha wears her out with a chair.

The Viking Raiders got another squash match. Raw has so many tag teams but no tag team division. It’s bizarre.

Alexa Bliss & Nikki Cross get an interview. They’re fighting champions. They’re still a weird duo. They are taking on the Kabuki Warriors without Paige. Kairi Sane starts off against Bliss. Asuka comes in to keep Bliss down. Kairi took a mini-beating during the commercial. Asuka comes back in to clear house. Asuka takes a mini-beating too. Sane comes in again. Nikki Cross rolls to the outside. Sane dives onto her. Sane rolls her back in and connects with the Insane Elbow. Bliss breaks up the pin. Bliss takes out Asuka by ramming her leg into the post. Cross gives Sane a neck breaker. Twisted Bliss to seal the win. I’m not sure why they rushed that win but here we are.

Seth Rollins reminds Styles that he’s beaten Brock Lesnar twice and Styles once already. They have their match after a break. Luke Gallows pushes Rollins off the ropes while the ref has his back turned. The ref is smart enough to know who caused Rollins to fall off the top rope. Gallows & Anderson get tossed. They come back shortly after to cause a DQ. Ricochet comes out and makes the save. Ricochet gets a Boot of Doom. The OC goes to attack Rollins. Braun Strowman makes the save. I had forgotten he’d been off TV for a moment. Interesting person to put in the Universal Championship picture.

Kevin DiFrango

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